I never talked to my dad before, not until 2 days before my 16th birthday. He decided to call me. It was cool and all. Buttt. like. I don't know if I want him in my life. I don't know what to do. I found out I have a brother and another sister by him. Which totally sucks because all these years I thought I was the only child. So what should I do? Let him in my life, or push him away? I'm truely confused.
2006-10-29 23:31:20 · 24 answers · asked by [.MamaBugg.] 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I've called him many times before this, he's always hung up on me, once I said who i was.
I know it's not my brother or sister's fault.
They're wayyy younger than me.
2006-10-29 23:38:32 · update #1
thanks for all the anwsers, but I really think that I don't want to meet him in person. [face to face] I am not ready for that. I'm much older now, and I know he must of done this to me because of some logical reason. Personally, I don't care much to know him. He's miss half of the most important things in my life. He hasn't been there for me for any birthdays, no holidays, nothing. He has the slighted idea what I look like, how I act, or anything. He didn't even know how old I was. He's clueless. He tells my brother & sister that they aren't my real brother & sister. & He hide from his wife that he talks to me. I don't really want him in my life. I just want to know why.
2006-10-30 06:13:47 · update #2
It is your decision, we can't tell you who to let into your life. We don't even know you.
2006-10-29 23:32:52 · answer #1 · answered by Captain Comment 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had longstanding issues with my father as well. There may come a time when you will wish you had attempted to reach out to him. It is my humble opinion that a child should permit the parent into their life because you don't know if you'll experience guilt about not allowing it later.
I suffered immense protracted grief at the passing of my father due to the dismal state of our relationship early on in my adulthood. The only thing that saved me even more guilt was my reconciliation with him later.
The frailties of the human condition are many and we cannot expect perfection in our parents or ourselves. Witnessing the steep decline of a parent is the wrong time to decide that maybe we should have been less harsh. Forgiveness is about the only thing we can do to handle some transgressions in attempting to salvage our interpersonal relationships.
It is quite true that you may find sufficient cause to cease later -- but if you feel conflicted you should give him the benefit of the doubt. Other decisions may be made when there is no further doubt ... one way or another.
Give the guy a break. I'm glad I gave my Dad a break.
2006-10-30 07:41:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....you have alot of different emotions to process here...and I think that it would be best for you if you were allowed the time to do that. I wouldn't "force" your dad out of your life, but I wouldn't allow him to "force" his way back into your life either. Once your feelings on this issue begin to clear within your mind and heart, you will know for certain to what degree you'd like his involvement. You'll be able to tell also based on your own personal comfort level too. If his frequency of being around is bothering you, then you'll need to let him know-nicely though. Just explain to him that you need time for all of this to make sense and you don't (and can't) force a happy father/daughter relationship overnight. Let him know that where as you appreciate his concern and the fact that he now wants to share in your life, you had to live 16 years of your life without him already and having him around now is just going to take some getting used to.
You may be able to accept/understand him sooner if the two of you are able to really have a heart-to-heart about why he wasn't there in the first place and why it took so long for him to come back.
I hope all goes well with you, just keep in mind that the family that you've had for the past 16 years is still there and still loves you!
Take care!
2006-10-30 07:41:50 · answer #3 · answered by secret_oktober_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell me is it ur brother's or sister's fault that u vent out ur frustration on them? So go ahead and strike a rapport with them, the yare in the same boat as u r, since they r younger they shall be more confused.
Now, comming to ur father, he has already done what he felt like doing when it was his time. If u feel that his action can be un-done then maintain the attitude that u hav, if u feel that u can be matured enough to forgive that person who is responsible for ur presence in this world for his insane doing, then show ur maturity.
Also, while judging, pl also try to find out, why ur Dad did what he did, what would u do if u were in his place at that time. etc... May be ur anger will then reduce and u may be able to bring Two broken houses together and make it a Home.
The Ball is in ur court!!! Let me know what u decided, and wha tis the outcome of ur action.
2006-10-30 07:55:57 · answer #4 · answered by dickwettingtown 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you are facing this rough decision. I had to do the same thing. The thing is, if you dont give it a chance, you will always wonder, doubt, and there will be things about it that will nag at you, voice of experience. Definately go slow and cautious, try talking to him and letting him know how you feel, and that his hanging up on you upset and hurt your feelings, maybe he was just as mixed up then and couldnt deal with you, doesnt make it right, but we all make mistakes. Bring all the facts out in a conversation and see what he has to say, if he is really just a jerk, keep the doors open for the siblings, i never got to meet mine, my father was so messed up he caused him to commit suicide, which was terrible and hard to deal with, but NOW i have closure. I wont wonder, and i wont have it haunting me. I tried all I could to be close and mend our family, now can go on with a free conscience and no ghosts to haunt me, i know all the facts. Good luck, and godspeed you.
2006-10-30 08:32:20 · answer #5 · answered by Spiritdancer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see how confused you must be feeling at this time. I can't, unfortunately, answer this question for you. You need to look within and answer it yourself. Are you angry with your dad for not being there? Perhaps this is the opportunity for you to express your feelings at this time. Perhaps he had a reason for leaving which you will never know until you talk with him. You don't have to hang out with him but you can perhaps come to forgive him and go on with your life from there.Forgiving is not for the other person, it is for us. When you forgive someone it doesn't mean that everything goes back to the same as before, but you no longer harbor hate or anger that binds you to that person. We forgive for ourselves not for others sakes. It makes us feel more free. Try it and see if it works. Perhaps then you can put your questions of why he left to rest for good.
2006-10-30 07:40:30 · answer #6 · answered by queenmaeve172000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
heya, When you think about it you obviously wanted something to do with him, or else why did you phone him before hand? If he kept hanging up there must have been a reason, ask him, and you said it was cool talking to him, have another conversation with him and see how it goes, go out with him on a day trip or something, just to get to know him, just ask him for it to be just you and him, not the other kids, yeah it'll be cool having younger siblings they'll look up to you, but you need time to get to know your dad who up until lately, you hadn't heard from. It's understandable that you're confused, but instead of asking advice from people you don't even know, sit down on your own, think over the times you've wanted a dad figure and there wasn't anyone there, replay those times with your dad in them, talk it over with family members, teachers, friends and anyone you know and trust to give you a truthful honest answer, your bound to be confused, so think it over!
hope this helps :) tnt_bbe xxx
2006-10-30 07:52:04 · answer #7 · answered by tnt_bbe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart and don't do anything you don't want to do.
This is truly a decision only you can make and you don't need to decide right now.
If you feel the time isn't right, than put it off until you feel different about it...maybe months, maybe years - whatever you feel comfortable with.
I am sure that you have many questions and lot's to think about so do not rush.
If it was me, I would do nothing at this time. I might decide later that I may want to talk to him but until I do decide, I will act like he still didn't exist and that he never called.
You don't owe him anything.
Good luck in the future, whatever you decide.
2006-10-30 10:11:03 · answer #8 · answered by jarhed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not sure about letting him in your life, just stick to phone calls right now until you are ready to meet him. As far as the siblings go, you don't have to have anything to do with them, but it is really nice to have family to talk to and lean on for support. You never know unless you give them a chance. Find out why you haven't heard from him before. Just give him a chance to. You will regret one day if you don't.
2006-10-30 07:40:39 · answer #9 · answered by ceecee_41004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At some point in your life, you'll want to meet him. Maybe you're not ready yet. I'd give it alittle more time. And as far as having some new found siblings, I'd meet them first before you write them off. They may be really cool people.
2006-10-30 07:34:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
let me just say there are plenty of people out here that never got a chance to know there parents because there dead. and everyone deserve a second chance. ok maybe when you tried to reach out he wasn't ready. he might be ready now. give him a chance what do you have to lose.. i know one thing you have a whole lot to gain.. a brother and a sister and maybe even a dad...
2006-10-30 07:45:09 · answer #11 · answered by laydofluv25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋