What was I supposed to do?

Question

If your 21 yr old boyfriend who lives alone got a call in the morning from the hospital to let him know that his mother killed herself shortly after you arrive what are you supposed to do?I stayed while the initial shock left him but then left to give him some space .This was a week ago,now he calls me a heartless ***** for having left him by himself.What was I supposed to do?I told him to call if he needed me.Was I wrong?

I love the guy more than anything,we've been together for a year and I just had no idea what to do.I thought he needed space so I gave it to him.I've never lost anyone in my life and am not very close to my mother so I had no way to relate.

Answer 1

It would have been a good thing to stay, He is also very hurt by what his Mother did....... and this may take him a long while to get over. What he could use is your support, encouragement, the more you can give the better, he may now feel abandoned by his Mothers actions and if you distance yourself he will feel even more so. He is going to seem needy and upset, possible angry and even down right mean sometimes. It is a very emotional time, you might want to also encourage him to see a counsellor....go with him, Always remember through all of it.....This is NOT your fault, and he is acting out of depression, fear, disappointment etc.

He needs you or someone by his side, if you don't think you are capable this could disable your relationship with him.....but remember, he didn't ask for this either.

If anything, this is a great time to bond very closely with him.

Answer 2

OH MY FREAKING GOD. Look honey I am not trying to dog you out about this. Why in the HELL did you leave? You could have stay right there with him. You did not have to smother him. It is just the fact that you should have been THERE, and no where else.

Have you not yet experienced the death of a love one?
Has the funeral been arranged for his mother yet?

To simply your question, WAS YOU WRONG. YES you was EXTEREMLY WRONG. What can you do now? If you and I was in a relationship. YOU better HOPE we had a outstandingly wonderful relationship, and then even if we did. You still might be on the curb.

I do not care if the guy was 31, 41, 51 years old.

Answer 3

It's not your fault, so don't beat yourself up about it. It's a terrible enough situation and so complicated that it isn't your fault you didn't know what to do. It's ecspecially hard when you feel so helpless. Let him know that you didn't know what to do, make sure he understands that you were confused, and even though you weren't actually there, you were only a phone call away and never really left him. I'm sure if you just talk to him and explain then he will understand. But, I don't mean this to sound harsh, don't complain too much, he's going through one hell of a lot right now, and doesn't want to have to sort out troubles with you aswell, he needs time to grieve and sort his own head out. Just, makes sure you are always there for him and show that you love him.
Even if it doesn't seem like it, he needs you more than ever right now, and you need to be there.
I hope you guys can work this through.
xXx

Answer 4

I would have stayed with him for days... even if we did not talk much; I would have wanted to just be there so he was not alone. I would have taken off work, cooked for him, gone anywhere he needed to go to prepare for the funeral, and listened to anything he needed to say. Can you even imagine if you lost one of your family members how that might have felt... then add the complexity suicide? I can only assume that you are inexperienced and your intent was not to hurt him. Now you need to figure out a way to repair this. Keep in mind this will be one of the hardest things he will ever go though… his pain will not be over for a long time. He will feel blue for more than a year. This is the harder part of being in a relationship… are you up for this? Are you mature enough to handle a year of adjustment for this man you love?

Answer 5

Yes, you are wrong. You should never had left him. He expected you to be there by his side for support and you just walked out on him. He might have neede a little bit of space, but that does not involve you leaving. You could have just sat with him and not said a word. Just be there for him for comfort when he decides he wants to talk. He needed you the most right then and you left..what does that say about you?

Answer 6

You actually should have asked him if he wanted you to stay, but it's too late for that. You did what you felt was best at the time. Tell him you are so sorry and explain why you left. He's very upset and not thinking clearly. He doesn't realize it right now, but he needs your comfort and understanding. The only thing you can do is be there for him. I think he'll come around eventually. Good luck.

Answer 7

It is hard to know what to do in a situation like that. However, you should have stayed with him. Grief is something that no one should go through alone. By you leaving him and telling to call if he needed you was pretty harsh and he probably felt as if you thought of him as a burden. You should have stayed.

Answer 8

hell yes you was wrong. did you hear the phone call his mother killed herself he needed you more then ever. you should have never left him. he truly needed your shoulder to cry on.. if it was you and he just left in your time of need how would you feel...sorry but that was a stupid move...

Answer 9

You were wrong to leave him, but you can't take that back anymore... Pray that he will be able to recover from the lost of his mother and that the love you share will help him forgive you.

Answer 10

Sometimes just having someone there with you helps, Ya you should of stayed. Think of how you would feel if your mom died and he wasnt there for you, you would probably be calling him the same kind of names.