What about inconsiderate sons and daughter-in-laws. I love my only grandchild to bits, she is three. I have had her two days a weeks since she was three months old (9 hours per day) but her mother packed up work earlier this year and I still have one day a week so her mother can "chill out" BUT its all one way traffic husband and I took granddaughter away on a 10 day holiday this summer and my mother who is in her nineties and lives on her own (I do all her work for her washing, cleaning and shopping) did not hear from them at all they live less than a mile away from her they did not even phone to see if she was ok or needed a loaf of bread. I cannot get over this if I make a fuss of it I will not see my grand daughter as it is I only see her parents when they either bring her for me to have her or pick her up. I take her swimming, to a nursery school where you stay with them to the park, shopping etc. What should I do ?
2006-10-29 22:46:56 · 21 answers · asked by Kirks Folley 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I suppose I am saying I feel hurt at being used, I do not interfere in their lives.
2006-10-29 23:07:04 · update #1
Hey MIL they are using you, but you are going along with it. You've been a grownup a lot longer than those amateurs (haha), so get smart and set up some rules. They'll respect you more for it.
By the way, I noticed that you started the question saying "so many people hate their MILs", yet going by the rest of your question you don't think very much of your son/DIL either. You didn't actually say you wanted to spend time with them at all, just their daughter. What's up with that? Do you think they haven't noticed that maybe you're just using them to gain access to the little cutie pie?
Don't get me wrong, you sound like a brilliant gran and the little one will appreciate you loads. But don't act so put-upon -- I think many folks would be envious of you and your energy and abilities. My own MIL is a bitter old self-centred hag who wouldn't lift a finger to save anyone's life, never mind actually doing anyone on earth a single momentary favour.
2006-10-30 09:06:01 · answer #1 · answered by Summer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I hate MY Mother-in -law....but that's because she hated me from the start, I fell pregnant just after meeting her son, all I got was abuse saying 'she's trapping you' or are 'you sure it's yours?'
Then to make matters worse..I developed Pre-Clampsia I had to have an emergency C-section at 31 weeks making our son premature, she had thee nerve to ring the hospital saying 'are you sure that baby's early?' 8 years on she still hasn't changed, it as our eldest son's birthday 2 days ago (his 8th) and she didn't even send him a card! We now have 2 other children who are 5 and nearly 3. She still can't accept us...She doesn't ring to see how we are, last year was the same, my hubby was in Iraq (on a six month tour) and there was NO birthday cards for the 3 kids OR Christmas cards or pressies for the kids.....Not that I'm bothered, but the kids notice these things and get upset by it....Anyway, It's her that's missing out...on 3 lovely grandchildren!
2006-10-29 23:00:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure they love you but they are taking you for granted big style. It's probably a case of the more you've done the more they've expected. You need to speak to your Son and calmly express how you feel. You sound like a lovely lady. My ex mother-in-law was an interfering, domineering old busy body, I would've gladly swapped her for you given the choice! I'm sure whatever the outcome they would not stop you from having contact with your Granddaughter, they would be hurting their child. Good luck nice lady hope you get through to them.
2006-10-30 01:41:32 · answer #3 · answered by L B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be hurt and feeling used. A grandmother is a wonderful gift for children and the parents should not be taken advantage of this wonderful person. It sounds like you do alot for them and get nothing in return. I'm sure your not looking for anything but alittle appreciation. I wish I had someone to take my kids once a week so I can "chill out". Just tell them how you feel. If they truly appreciate you they will tell you so. Hang in there GRAND-ma!
2006-10-29 23:13:32 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should thank God that you have this wonerful little girl with whom you spend so much time .you are not lonely you have her to keep you busy and this little girl is going to remember the times she spent with you every day ,when she grows up she will look back and see how you loved and cared for her . don't worry about the adults who don't come to se if the old lady needs bread or whatever .you do what you can while you can and you will be able to look into the mirror each day and know you have done your best for both of these people .i know if you were my friend i could rely on you and so do these people know that .small as she is that little girl knows you will always be there for her God bless you in the work you do .
2006-10-29 22:56:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes mother in laws can be a bit over powering on their opinions, i know mine is. Maybe they are taking you for granted. I would say have a week to yourself to 'chill out' and then they might appreciate you a bit more. Sometimes people in this world don't know what they have until it is taken away and in this case it is your services. You sound like you do anything for anybody so maybe that is how they see you.
2006-10-29 22:57:00 · answer #6 · answered by Jo 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My mother in law is a sweetheart so no problems there, but sometimes mothers in law beleive their opinion in their son or daughter's marriage is more important than the actual partner, and this is where the problems arise. Unless you children or grand kids are in danger, keep out of personal business is my advice
2006-10-29 22:51:37 · answer #7 · answered by Nobody200 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i love my mother-in-law, she is excellent. its terrible that ur son and his wife r such selfish twits, but thats what they are, and there is no point in worrying about that. just keep on having fun with ur granddaughter, spend as much time as u can with her. dont have any expectations of ur son and daughter-in-law doing the right thing, sounds like ull only be disapointed. must ask tho - did u ask ur son directly to check up on his grandmother while u were away? people can be very self involved, and maybe he didnt even realise he should.
2006-10-29 23:24:09 · answer #8 · answered by bettie b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would love for my chidren to have a proper grandmother. my mother died when i was a little girl,my mother-in-laws not interested in her grandchildren it makes me sick, I have a very good grandma and know my children are missing out so much. she did'nt care about her kids and she doesn't care about mine or anyone elses.she's much happier when she's trying to wreck our relationships with her sons.She has never visited my house in ten years to see my childer. The only time she comes is to beg money for drink and ciggarettes.or my brother-in-law lives too minutes away,and when shes caused trouble between him and his wife she comes wanting us to take her home.she's never given any of her six grandchildren a birthday card.and she says she doesn't buy gifts because they get too much.i sometimes live on benifits as my husbands works not stable.we dont give our kids too much, how could we.
2006-10-29 23:00:12 · answer #9 · answered by tallulaberry 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give them a little reminder that she might like a Lil visit! some people just dont think about others i dont mean that in a bad way just they have a busy mind and dont always think "ooh I'll go n see so n so" u know what i mean! i have 2kids and i dont always get out to see people. but then i dont have the time and they b y the sounds of it do as u have their child for them (they r very lucky to have you by the way) so just give them a gentle reminder in a convo about her and they should get the hint...failing all else rage war on em lol j/kin of course
2006-10-29 23:08:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋