Is he just using me? I believe he is .... read on and lets see what you have to say.?

Question

Boyfriend and I have 3 years together. Dated 1st 2 years no problems. Moved in together and after 8 mos. are currently in seperate households and struggling to rebuild our relationship and stayed commited to each other. Okay here's the deal a lot of damage has been done by both of us only I am the only one taking responsiblity for my part in our troubled relationship. He thinks he has done nothing wrong and everything is my fault, so not true. Since I moved out a few months ago he is distant, insensitive, and very detached. I suggest we talk to figure out if we are waisting time and he avoids addressing his thoughts and feelings with me nor does he want to hear mine. He says he loves me and wants to work things out but his actions say otherwise. Our sex life has always been amazing, that is a thing of the past. He makes excuses not to spend time with me, calls me maybe 1/4 of what he used. He used to appreciate my taking care of his household now he expects it. bend over backwards because I love this man and he used to love me, but they way he treats me so insignificant and disregards my feelings leads me to think he is using me until something else comes along. He is a player only denies it, he was seeing 3 other woman the same time as me when we first got together and continued doing so for the first year. I just found out and he says I dwell on the past and we weren't committed at the time. LOSER. Anyway for some unknown reason I can let go of this jerk and I feel used and taken for granted. I finally told him my feelings and he made me leave his home, changed the locks and said he needed space. Its always on his terms, I am always wrong and he is always right. What is my problem?

I have asked him what he wants and needs from me to progress forward and he avoids giving me an answer or discussing anything in this regard. When I tell him my feelings then he gets mad and says "what about my feelings" He cannot take responsibility for any problems or issues in our relationship, and boy does he have issues. Instead he puts me down, everything is my fault and poor poor him. Everyone thinks he is a great guy because he is good at letting people see only what he wants and not what is really real.

Answer 1

I went through something very similar, and you are not wrong to feel the way you do. You are more obsessed with what is "wrong" with you, or how YOU can change to fix it than you are with him. HE is the one who is wrong. You need to stop apologizing for HIS mistakes. The fact is, YOU are not happy with the relationship. I know it is hard to let go of it (amazing sex can do that to you, make you feel like this is some special kind of love), but you need to stand up for yourself. Make your expectations clear, and and stand by them. If he is unwilling to meet your expectations, he is not worth your time. You are too good for him, and he will only realize it when it is too late. Right now, he is in charge of the situation. He can treat you anyway he likes, because you are still there for him, and he thinks you always will be. Show him you have some self-respect, and he will be forced to sh*t or get off the pot. If he can't be faithful to you, do NOT limit yourself to him. DATE OTHER GUYS. He has given you permission. The same rules that apply to him apply to you. If he really cares about you, he will come around. If he doesn't, you are better off without him, even though it may be hard to see that now. I predict this will not turn out well, I'm sorry to say. You may be in for a lot of emotional pain, but you will come out of it stronger and you will find, in the end, that it was a good thing that you didn't end up with this loser. There is a man out there that deserves you and will make you happy. You probably won't realize it until you mmet the ONE, but this loser isn't it.

Answer 2

Yup, your a back up plan, somthing he can fall back to if things arent working out with someone else. hes keeping you in control. guys have a funny way of turning and twisting the truth to make it look like its all your fault, I know becuase I have done this.
Its really best for you to just let him go, You need to move on, dont call him, dont answer his phone calls, becuase he will call eventually, when he thinks that your over him, and then he will just regain control of you again, Ive done that also... theres plenty of guys out there, go find you a new one, because he only wants you for one thing... I dont want to sound like a jerk.. I am actually happily in love now and i dont do that stuff anymore, but i was just letting you know because i did exactly what he is doing to you to another once.. MOVE ON!!!!! good luck...

Answer 3

Well I can see you realy love this guy.To go through all of that trouble and getting no recognition for it and still wanting to do it?
You deserve a medal!It is a shame that alot of times we are falling in love with the wrong person.It happens and a person just will not believe it because we think "How can my heart be wrong?" But this is a real bad situation for you and you are wasting your time with this guy.Go get yourself a new one to do all these things for and that will apreciate you and pamper you as well. Good Luck and I know it is not easy but this is the reality.

Answer 4

Yes, he is using you and cheating on you. Remember, men love sex and if he is giving excuses for not having sex, then it feels he is getting sex from another woman. He is probably with another woman.

I mean, why wouldn't he say he is in love with you and committed to you, when you look after household and things. He is just using you for that.

Suggest, you leave him. From what you said, he must be lucky to get a woman like you and he certainly is not worth it. I'm sure you can find a better man.

Good luck and hope everything comes right for you

Answer 5

Give up on him. He is a born loser. He may heave feelings for you but does not love you enough! You are just a convenience to him. If he really wanted to be with you he would fight for you, not kick you out and change the locks! Seems like he didn't want to be the one to end it, but now that you've brought it to a head, he's satisfied. You deserve better.

Answer 6

I recognize that is rough, however you recognize he is utilizing you. Don't waste any further of your lifestyles seeking to appease him. Better now after three years, than twenty years down the road with children to maintain. He'll quite often desire you again while the following lady does not figure out. Hopefully you will not run again then. He does not recognize you, and seeking to make the whole lot ultimate for him will most effective expand his comtempt. Move on, discover any one who truthfully cares approximately you up to himself.

Answer 7

Please remove yourself from this abusive relationship. THis is something only you can do; as he will never let you off the hook. You feed his ego by taking responsibility. He sees it as taking responsibility for everything, not just your actions.
I have been there and I understand. Stop doing things for him. Now, a warning: He may come back begging for what you two "used to have"--what he means is he wants you to control again. Please be strong and believe that you deserve better than this. Good luck, sweetie.

Answer 8

Yes, he has used and dumped you. You saw the handwriting on the wall when he was dating 3 other girls at the time you met. It's only playboys that do that. It will be stupid to hang your hope on him. He is a rolling stone. Look for somebody else who deserve you better.

Answer 9

I say get the rest of your stuff out of his house and return the key and get on with your life. Don't expect different results from the same behavior. Good luck

Answer 10

Always remember "Actions speak louder than words".

When someone truly loves you they don't have to tell you because you can feel it by the way they treat you.

You need to move on with your life.