I'm 31 years old and still have an extremely controling father whom I am trying to get out of my life. He tries to control everything even where I work. It's to the point that even though I like the job, I want to quit. If I could pick-up everything I have and move to another state I would but I have loans I'm paying off and a house I would have to sell first. He has plenty of money he could give me but of course wont because he wants me to live in the same town as him. He's even gone so far as to bribe my friends to find out info about me, which caused me to realize that my friends aren't loyal to me. So I really have no interest in staying connected with them. I've had neighbors tell me that he has come to my house when I'm not home and I know he goes through my stuff because he always has. So I had to pay to have my locks changed. He's crossed so many boundaries it makes it very hard for me to trust anyone. Is moving far away is the only remedy?
2006-10-29 20:39:26 · 15 answers · asked by gen Xer 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Jobs and houses come and go. Sometimes they're worth replacing for peace of mind.
2006-10-29 23:43:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man has many problems and you're allowing him to walk all over you. Most people who behave badly continue it because others allow it. If he's always been this way he won't suddenly change. While you can't change his behavior you are in charge of your own. At 31, tell him you love him but you're a man and have to make your own life. Thank him for being your dad but it's time for him to stop getting into your personal business. Then move across town, have an unlisted phone or no phone, just a cell and change your number. If you want to stay in your home, change the locks, don't open the door to him, get a restraining order and call the police if he comes to your property or workplace. If he shows up at work have security deal with it or go out another door to your auto. Notify your friends they are NOT to pass on any information to him regardless of how much he pressures them. It may even be illegal if there is a restraining order. Bottom line is 'If someone is walking all over you, GET UP off the floor! Stop enabling his behavior. You don't need this in your life. How can you ever have a life if you don't stand up for yourself.? What's to be afraid of?, he's just one person. Get some pride and let him know his sick game is over. If he has mental problems go to his physician and let him know your concerns.
2006-10-30 05:05:00 · answer #2 · answered by brittgal 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Moving away may solve your problems for a while but not forever. You need to act like an adult and tell him with honesety and respect how you feel. I have issues with your comment about the money. You want a split and yet complain when he doesn't give you money. You can not have it both ways. You either make a split and act like an adult and support yourself or you take the money and continue to rely on him. You seem to be giving mixed signals. Changing your locks in a good start but it won't end until you decide to make a change for yourself and tell him exactly how you feel.
2006-10-30 05:06:43 · answer #3 · answered by dumpllin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
blimey he is controlling i don't no how you do it have a chat with him tell him u are a grown women and all this crap he is putting u through is not on and if he keeps coming into your home uninvited you will call the police and when you make new friends tell them what your dad is like and that under no circumstances are they to even mention what you had for breakfast have you see a solicitor you could get an injunction so he cant come near u if all that fails then id say your only option is to move good luck
2006-10-30 04:50:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, there is a far more effective and cheap option than moving away. It's called a police report. What your excuse for a father is doing is called stalking, not to mention breaking and entering. Stop being his doormat because he has money that he might or might not feel inclined to share with you. Stand on your own feet and take legal action to get him out of your life for good.
2006-10-30 05:47:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you are going through my mom has been like that with me for years only now I'm going through heartbreak because my daughter is doing the same things to me as what happened between me ad my mum but I've had to lock my daughter out of our home and cut off all purse strings just so she doesn't go through the same heartbreak with me as I'm going through with my mum at this time in my life I'm 33.. I think it's all about fear of standing on our own two feet financially but it's a risk i have to take with my daughter and hey I'm only 33 i can change my ways some you win some you lose i just look at it as we only have one life we can either wallow in it or get up and start living it.. nobody can have it best of both worlds....
2006-10-30 05:24:03 · answer #6 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no. if you are serious about not wanting him in your life you can go to your local court house and take out an intervention order. or you can move away and leave your home to be sold by an estate agent who will be responsible for keeping people out of your home while waiting for it to be sold. how about an auction ? rent somewhere til your home is sold or mortgage it up to the hilt and go overseas and live. buy a big dog and let it run free around the house. good luck
2006-10-30 04:45:48 · answer #7 · answered by clrdanlob 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it might be. I assume you have tried talking to him about this. If not then try that first. Remind dad that you appreciate the fact that he's concerned etc. but he has to let you grow up sometime and be allowed to make your own decisions, let him know he did a good job raising you and you'll be alright. If he can't seem to understand that then run for the hills. GL
2006-10-30 04:46:05 · answer #8 · answered by whitebeanner 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only remedy as you put it, is the police! No one! Not even your father!!!! Is allowed to get into your house if you don't want him there! Stand up to him and inform him of the boundaries you are going to put in place to put a stop to his behaviour, and the domination of your life!!!! You are going to are you? Or! are you really too weak? and he is taking advantage of the fact? Come on grit your teeth and face up to him!
2006-10-30 05:31:04 · answer #9 · answered by wheeliebin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
moving away will not solve your problem. i have a friedn who had the same prblem. the dad was so contolling,just timing end months for pay that she received. she moved but the dad still call her and disturbs her.
otherwise, try to talk to your dad, if he cant talk to an elder ie aunt or uncle that he respects may be he can reoson with them. he should know that you are now grown and you have your life to live.
2006-10-30 06:01:04 · answer #10 · answered by fantasy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋