i have a 19 year old daughter and i am very worried about her. she has a beautiful daughter thats one. she has her own place and is a hard worker. the babies daddy is in jail. now, she has anew so called bf. who doesnt work, has a car and she has to almost beg him to drive her to work or pick her up. she has found out he was seeing another girl. he disrespects her. he doesnt help her finanually, but he is always at her house thru out the day and mostly at night. he talks to her any kind of way. the police is looking for him. he smokes weed all day. most of the time she has to bring the baby to my house just to eat. now i want to help her and so does some of my family. but i wont help if she got this so called guy in her apartment reaping the benefits. i told her that i might have to take the baby. she is not listening to me. she says she is tired of him but is constantly crying and running behind him. i asked her if this guy had gold on his you know what. plz help. he is no good.
2006-10-29 17:50:38 · 14 answers · asked by eaglestraces123 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
this guy is straight street so i cant be a snich scared hell send someone at me if he finds out. i just want to get the baby.
2006-10-29 17:55:43 · update #1
You can print this out and just show it to your daughter since this answer is for her...
You don't need to be working your butt of to support a boy that uses you. Any male that disrespects a woman in the way he has you needs to be kicked to the curb and never talked to again. You can't have your daughter around the things he is doing unless you want her to grow up and think that it is OK to have so free loading piece of dirt sitting on her couch, bringing drugs into her house, treating her like she is nothing. You cannot afford to have some guy in your home with drugs, you could end up losing your baby girl because some disrespectful piece of trash brought drugs into your house. And on top of all that, the police are looking for this fool! You've got to be kidding me. You're going to let someone who is wanted by the police stay at your home with drugs, and who knows what other criminal activity while you're at work to keep a roof for you and your daughter. You need to step up and stand up for yourself and kick his lazy butt out. You cannot keep someone like him around. He's already rumored to be sleeping with some other girl, you don't need to be treated like that. No one does. Stand up and be a strong woman and get him out of your life. You'll be glad you did when you meet a MAN that will treat you right, who respects you, your home, and your daughter.
2006-10-29 18:03:15 · answer #1 · answered by Court 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI
Could this possibly be an abandonment issue for her? Is her dad around? One idea to do in this situation is to take her to talk therapy where she can vent without fearing anything. She can change her locks so he cannot invade her space whenever. She can aslo change her phone number. It would also help if she cuts off common friends and places. She needs to know that she can do this. If all else fails, let her stay with you a while and save her money to move elsewhere. I have been down this road and these are some things we did. She is now on her own, but still picking losers. I have figured out that she has low self esteem and does not know what she wants. I have also learned that she has abandonment issues and is afraid to be alone. She ia also a hard worker but has three kids now. Get her into therapy. The judge will not allow the baby to go with you unless you can prove that she is really bad to that baby and I can tell you that she will resent you for doing so - so much that she may run off- so keep that in mind.
Good luck and get some therapy for her.
2006-10-30 02:05:11 · answer #2 · answered by Erik 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were in your position then I think I would:
First, have a talk with the boyfriend, see what he says.
Then, talk to your daughter and calmly explain how you feel
and if you didn't see that something was wrong, you would say anything. Don't get into an argument seeing that that will make it worse.
Tell her that she needs to do what best for her and her baby and that you want the baby to be surrounded by a loving family.
Tell her to live with you and help her take care of the baby.
Tell her she's a beautiful young woman you can definetely find someone so much better.
Just make her see that her life is full of people who love her.
And I'm sure she'll make the right desicion in the end.
I hope I helped.
good luck
<321
2006-10-30 01:58:04 · answer #3 · answered by alexandruh_yeah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man guys like this really tick me off. Seriously, if they are out smoking weed or in jail? How can they say they love her. That's bullshit. If they truely love her they'd be hard working men and working to building a family and a strong relationship. Not lieing cheating or being looked for by the cops.
Help your daughter out. She needs you the most right now or the rest of her life will be ruined. You NEED to take her back into your house and send her to college. Help take care of her kid. And she'll find the right person in college.
2006-10-30 01:54:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like...........as lon as this guy is near around your dughter, she'll not be able to think independently, coolly n rationally.
But its alos seems like you or your friends n relatives need to act immediately without any further delay or allow your dughter to get deeper into the 'mind-wash' that this guy has set!
Give your daughter a break......... buy her a holiday. Not to another place in the US or any corrupted 'western or Americanized' social environment.
Buy her a vacation in China.......Thailand........Vietnam or Indonesia. Let her open her eyes to another culture & way of life.........where life, personality & social behavior are valued n respected...............n where people just don't smoke weed........ n males............ commit to self-sacrifices...............do not feed on females............ but work hard to provide for the wives, children & dependents!
It's sad that we all live in a society that has long gone bad......... n rotten to the core..............where people do not respect each other anymore.........n they dont even respect themselves........ n where self-dignity has given way to self indulgences.......... self gratification...........n to take advantage of the weak n helpless!
Your daughter may feel 'lonely' the first few days away from this guy................but give her the chance..........to take in the new environment & see the values of a different culture..............n after a short while....... ....her eyes will open & she'll see clearly what's in her own best interest...........n for her baby!
When she returns from her 'vacation' she just might have the full courage to kick this useless axx where it hurts most n tell him to jump off the Golden Gate bridge!
2006-10-30 02:12:47 · answer #5 · answered by sandy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we are having problems with our 19 years old girl too.
We feel for you.
But we came to the conclusion that there is nothing for us to do that she doesnt want.
All we can try is to talk with her, and hope that she grows up and see the light soon.
You almost have to let go, and let her fail.
Everytime we try to stop her from failing in school or in life, it did not work.
But she learns after she fails, and gets a little better.
My wife and i are not like that, but some pepole just have to learn things the hard way, by doing it wrong 1st. Sad.
We wish u luck
2006-10-30 01:58:20 · answer #6 · answered by dcw13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We All choose Our own paths!
As a parent the Tendency is to go in all guns Blazing!(Which will make her put up Barriers!,and become More stubborn towards the truth).
Just be there for her,with Calm,Rational Comments about this Relationship! And be Prepared to pick up the pieces when it turns sour!
That's All You can Do!
2006-10-30 01:56:00 · answer #7 · answered by J. Charles 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like she might not think she can do better, and get another guy. she runs back to him because shes comfortable being with him but abuse is not love. until she relizes this she will not leave him.
maybe beacause she already has a kid she feels that another guy wont want her, which isnt always true. ask her why she likes him so much and then wiegh the cons with it.
but other than that you cant make her leave the loser, sorry.
2006-10-30 02:01:10 · answer #8 · answered by Diana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer to your Q. A childs welfare comes first, then your daughter but don't abandom either. It's obvious that the "man" in your daughters life does and will do little to help the situation. I hope she gives her head a shake, snaps out of it and sees the light.
2006-10-30 01:56:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she has serious esteem problems. in her mind he is the best she can do. she needs her esteem build up or else she will end up back in the same place again and again. As for the dead beat, if the cops are looking for him, tell them where he is. she is afraid of what he will do if she tells him to leave. you and her need to decide what to do. Please understand, it is not that she is not listening to you. She is, but does not have the faith in herself to act. She feels helpless and worthless inside. so she takes the guys she knows are bad cause she feels it is the best she can do, and she can't kick him out because she is afraid of what he will do and she does not want to be alone again. you will ultimatelly have to take actions so help free her from him and then she needs councelling for the self-esteem problems.
2006-10-30 01:58:09 · answer #10 · answered by daggermouth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋