I recently discovered that my boyfriend of 1 year is addicted to pornography. We're both 24. I knew he looked at it but, I didn't know it was this bad. He doesn't even tell me when he looks so I know he is ashamed. He was molested as a child so it might have something to do with it. I found out when I used his computer. The history window was open when I logged onto the internet and he had been to literally hundreds of different porn sites over the last few weeks. I don't think looking at porn is bad but, he is obviously out of control. We have watched porn a few times together before but when I suggested we should look at it together he thought that was weird. Tonight he told me he was too tired to have sex and sent me home. As soon as I left, he shut off all the lights and I saw the computer turn on. I didn't accuse him of it but he got mad when I called and asked him what he was doing. We love each other and I want to help. Any ideas how I can make him realize this isn't healthy?
2006-10-29 16:55:30 · 14 answers · asked by indigonipple 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Your b/f has an addiction to pornography. This is a serious addiction and gets worse over time. His addiction is already causing problems in your relationship if he chose masturbating while looking at porn over having sex with you.
The people who said that the person addicted to something has to "want" to stop are wrong. The whole idea of addiction treatment is to break the "denial" that they are addicted and make the person look at all of the areas in their life that the addiction has caused problems in.
People usually are willing to seek help with an addiction when the problems caused by the addiction are terrible. Often a wife or husband telling the person that if they don't seek help that they leave them is what gets the person to seek help.
I did a Google dearch on the internet to see what I could find on sex addictions (porn addiction is 1 type of sex addiction.) and addictions to pornography. I saw 3 websites that might have helpful info for you and your b/f.; www.firesofdarkness.com, www.porn-free.org, and www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/sexaddictiontips.html.
How to bring this up to him is a good question. Obviously, he is ashamed of this and defensive about it. He may be in denial that it is a problem for him. I hope that on 1 of the three websites I listed that there is a list of symptoms of the addiction. these might be helpful to convince him that he has a problem.
One of the principles of counseling is to support the person and attack the problem behavior. Maybe you could say something about loving him and wanting to stay with him but that the porn is a big problem in your relationship. Tell him what your emotions are regarding his use of porn and his choosing porn over sex with you.
You also need to consider that his childhood abuse and his addiction to porn will always be a problem in your relationship unless he gets help for this and is successful at overcoming it.
If you think it would help, feel free to show your b/f what I have written.
2006-10-29 20:17:15 · answer #1 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How to avoid porn addiction on the Internet
1. Consider installing porn content filtering software( Strongly Recommend NetDog ,you can get it from www.netdogsoft.com ) on your computer. it will help to protect you from stumbling into pornography by accident, That's important.
2. Do not try to guess what the address of a Web page is. Many pornographic sites have similar addresses of respectable sites. For example www . whitehouse . com is a porn site. The real address is www. whitehouse . gov
3. Never click on Web site addresses that you receive in an unsolicited email.
4. Do not open attachments that come in email that are unsolicited.
5. Use filtered search engines or reputable directories to find the information you need.
6. Do not search for terms like girls. Think before you enter a search term.
Stick with reputable sites.
If something looks questionable, don't let curiosity get the best of you. Delete it or close the window.
Internet Porn Filter Resource:
http://www.netdogsoft.com
2006-10-29 17:03:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He will always be addicted to pornography.
I'm not trying to p*** you off. I am trying to help you understand. Maybe you will get so p**** at him that you decide enough is enough. In my opinion, enough IS enough. This will not stop. You can't fix him. You're probably going to be really p***** when I say the next hing, but this was said to me once a looooong time ago and it changed my life. OK here goes- What is so sick in you that you want a person like this? Then this life changing person said to me, and I will say it to you- Some guys have a saying about women like you. You take a lickin' and keep on tickin'
I didn't get mad. Well, I did. But not at the person who said it to me. I got mad and used that anger to change my life, and I surely looked at "prince un-charming" in a whole new light. Good luck.
2006-10-29 17:09:24 · answer #3 · answered by profile image 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ive been asking the same question 4 years, so i really sympathize with you, yesterday a guy answered this same q and he told me men just want that instant gratification, no pressure, all visual, get it over and done with quick without any dramas or pressure on their performance etc. this guy really helped me see its not my problem its his and i need to change how i feel about it. I dont want sex with him when i know thats waht hez been doing coz i just think in his head hez visualizing what porn hes looked at and hez not even in the same moment with me and that makes me feel kinda sick. have you heard "Pinks" song where she says, "youre goen home alone arnt cha?" well, sooner or later all hel have will be his hand coz Im sure getting tired of the whole issue, i mean im ok with porn, but not when it takes place of me...........good luck.
2006-10-29 17:34:17 · answer #4 · answered by genieejj 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-20 23:49:11 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm thinking that there is a deeper problem than the porn. Like anything else that is abused, you have to address the deeper problem.
If he was abused as a kid then that definitely needs professional attention, certainly before marriage and family. He'll be much happier when he gets that treated.
Finally, I suspect that he's struggling w/ all sorts of sexual identity issues... just a hunch, but based on your descriptions I'm sticking w/ that hunch.
2006-10-29 17:00:49 · answer #6 · answered by geek49203 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
So, my boyfriend and I got into this argument, and I did a lot of research. It is not always unhealthy to enjoy porn, in fact it can be very healthy. Also, remember that self-gratification to porn is easier and requires less energy than having sex with a partner. Since it bothers you, you need to talk to him about it. My boyfriend enjoys porn and self-gratification several times a week, and I live with him. It was upsetting at first, but we talked about it, I researched it, and it is easier for me to accept now.
2006-10-29 17:31:04 · answer #7 · answered by Rebecca 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you should let him know that you're worried. But that you love him either way, and want to help him. Suggest that he go see a counseler. Most of all, it should be out in the open. Communication is the key. Either way, once you state that he could get help, it will always be in the back of his mind. Maybe he will when he's ready.
2006-10-29 17:06:01 · answer #8 · answered by gradflutes 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Like any addiction drugs,alcohol,sex the best approach is counseling and that only works if the addict wants help. I'm an alcoholic and it took me most of my adult life to understand that I'm an addict. You can try talking about your feelings concerning this,you have to go easy and let him do the talking if he wants to.
2006-10-29 17:09:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You really can't. He has to want to find a way out of this himself. Sooner or later he may find himself doing serious jail time as a result of this addiction. Try to get him to seek counseling and if that doesn't work, find someone else.
2006-10-29 17:01:23 · answer #10 · answered by waytooeasy67 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋