I am married (2 monthst), have a 1 year old son. I have one tiny little problem. I have a little tiny crush on another guy. I feel that this might be because he seems very exciting. He is the kind of person that lives a free life. Me I stay home and take care of my son. I don't do anything else, my husband works and he is a great person, but he doesn't want to do antyhing anymore. Its like he is not fun anymore. So when the other guys is around, I feel like a little school girl. I get a giddy and stuff. I also feel that this is because he is a very positive person, he is so magnetic. HELP!!!
-j
2006-10-29 16:31:53 · 29 answers · asked by jloren 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i don't think it's a crush as much as just a fleeting infatuation.
you're probably envying a lifestyle that is not as available to you as it was before marriage and parenthood and all the new responsibities that come with these choices that you've made in your life. do you regret getting married or pregnant? do you feel that maybe now it wasn't what you'd thought it would be.
hang in there. the first couple years of marriage are probably the toughest. new things to get used to. and to add to that, you have a child. wow!! that's a lot of change you've experienced in just one year.
give yourself time. and focus on your marriage and your family. don't lay blame on your husband and don't point fingers. ask him why he doesn't want to do things anymore. is it because you have debt? is it because he's tired when he comes home and just want to veg? is he happy or are there things that are bothering him as well? maybe he feels like you do and things may look brighter somewhere else. you won't know unless you communicate your feelings and listen to him.
it also sounds that you're on the young-side and may have rushed into the marriage thing. but now you are married, and a mother. work on keeping your marriage going, growing and strengthening.
why is this other guy around anyway? stay away from him and focus on your new life. your marriage won't work if your head and your libido is focused on someone else. focus on your husband and your baby and you'll experience so much quality stuff than you would ever get by sabotaging that.
2006-10-29 16:40:48 · answer #1 · answered by monkiegirl37 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be a committed person to your marriage and stop taking your attraction to this other guy so seriously. That will happen now and then. You also need to realize this magnetic guy also has issues that you would find unattractive. The grass is not greener on the other side...take that from a divorced woman who has been single 10 years! Be happy and content that you have a good man and just enjoy the attraction for what it is...something based on pure animal magnetism and rein in your thoughts of actually acting on that. Be faithful to your husband. Perhaps you can let your husband know that you are attracted to this guy and why and that you are telling him because you LOVE HIM and would not ever act on it but maybe the two of you could spice up your love life a bit.
2006-10-30 00:48:57 · answer #2 · answered by hearts_and_thoughts_2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk with your husband honestly about your dissatisfaction in this marriage so that the two of you can work it out. You are no longer a kid in high school so you must live your life as a responsible married woman. Marriage involves compromise which means accepting both the great and the not so great. However if this marriage is to last it requires a lot of effort from both of you so that you can continue to experience the joys that you had before. Your husband cannot read your mind so please tell him what you are feeling before you end up making a huge mistake which you will forever regret.
2006-10-30 00:41:31 · answer #3 · answered by Bethany 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you are married and have a son, you feel that your life is not "free" anymore and you are correct. However, there are other things that this guy has not experienced yet that is also satisfying (that you will with your son).
If your husband is not "fun" anymore, it's because he is working to try and ensure that you and your son have a great life together with him. Think about all this before you decide to give it up for another person.
2006-10-30 00:42:04 · answer #4 · answered by Rex 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, you ARE married. And you do have a son... I bet your husband was a care free person once before but now that he has responsibilities of taking care of you and your son, he's stepped up his role. Don't take your husband for granted - there's not many good guys around. Talk to your husband about your boredom and maybe he cud help you get a hobby started to keep your mind occupied. Remember - don;t play with fire if you are not willing to get your fingers burnt. Forget about this other guy...
2006-10-30 00:37:48 · answer #5 · answered by Rin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your responsibility to stay faithful and truthful to your vows, your husband and your son. Being married is not always gay and merry. Welcome to the real world. Stay away from this guy the best you can, that way you stay focus in what is important: you son and your husband. Do not develop an emotional relation/attachment with this guy. Your attraction to him is completely superficial and immature. Think about the consequences of your actions. Are you going to leave your son fatherless for ever? You want to risk loosing your life for ever? You want to teach your son to be adulterous when he grows up? Stay away from temptation and work on your marriage. It is your responsibility and the only way you are going to learn how to make a marriage work. this way, someday, you can teach your kid. Stay focus, pray, read a book and learn practical techniques to communicate with your husband. Besides if you go off with this guy, how many months after you marry him and have a baby with him, will it be before it is boring again?
2006-10-30 00:46:07 · answer #6 · answered by Gabo Salva Veritate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You took a vow! You made a promise in God's sight to love and desire no other but your husband. "Till death do you part", not till you want that giddy feeling again!
Based on what you told us of yourself; you are immature! You have only been married for 2 months, but you have a 1 year old son. Is your husband the father? If not, think of the chance he took in marrying "you"? You have only been married for 2 months and are considering "adultery"! You need to look deep inside yourself and see if you have a problem that you need to work on.
Grow up!
You need to get involved in a "Mom's group" at church or in your neighborhood. Volunteer at a school, or a children's center for homeless kid's.
You are ungrateful! You do not have to work to make ends meet, you get to stay at home and raise your son! There are thousands of women who would give anything to be able to stay at home with their kid's, but are unable to.
Communication is the most important thing in a marriage.
Talk to your husband and remind him that being married does not mean that you cannot have fun together anymore. Doing fun things together is what helps it grow.
Dress nice for him. Have dinner ready for him when he gets home, make his favorite meal, make special meals for him with candle-lite! Write love notes to him and put them in his car, briefcase, etc..
Spend a few minutes during the day thinking what "you" can do to make it fun when he gets home. Ask your/his parent's to baby-sit and surprise him by taking him out on a date!
If you break your vow, it will be easier to find excuses with every other relationship your in. Keep your vow!
2006-10-30 02:57:46 · answer #7 · answered by SAM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That giddy feeling you get when the new guy is around...it's called chemistry.
One thing about marriage, it's suposta be a life long commitment. You don't marry someone & decide..oh he's not fun any more &, try to make it w/ this other guy. I'm sure you want a stable inviroment for yer son, don't you? Think of him, stop thinking w/ yer emotions for that other guy!
2006-10-30 00:54:40 · answer #8 · answered by cherryfrank@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband about wanting to go out to have more fun, explain your bored!
try to stay away from this other guy, hopefully you will get over it. If you can't help but see him for what ever reason then try to think of all the bad thing about him, or make them up.
You obviously love your husband ahnd did marry him for a reason, just don't react on your feeling at all after time they will go away.
2006-10-30 00:37:26 · answer #9 · answered by jasesez 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, please don't cheat on your husband. Having a spouse cheat is the most awful feeling in the world. I think being hurt physically feels better than that. You made a promise to him 2 months ago, and he trusts you to keep that promise. Wear that ring proud, and know that your husband is probably doing a lot so you have the luxury of staying home with that baby boy.
2006-10-30 00:34:23 · answer #10 · answered by Kallie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋