who is constantly finding something to add to or change when it comes to the way I dress, feed, sleep, bath, lay, discipline our three kids? I am a a stay at home mom, he is not home very much because he has two jobs plus goes to graduate school. When he is home, he complains about everything... For example, today we had our daughters birthday party and she got tons of clothes, pants, shirts, shoes .... everything.. SHe is set for the winter... Well my "husband" asked if she got any sweats and I said no but she has plenty of clothes for the winter.. She doesn't need anymore clothes.... So he says well I want her to have sweats so I'm going to buy her some... so there he is arguing with me after I point out repeatedly that she has more than enough..(three or four piles of clothes) just to be against me... Then the twins were crying in the car on the way home and all he would do was complain and stress me out about it. I'm going crazy! Help....me understand this man.
2006-10-29 16:26:25 · 16 answers · asked by Queen Momma 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Well yeah... I'm pretty mean to because I can't stand him this way! Then after I tell him to butt out, to let me do my job like I let him do his (ofcourse, I was yelling) he tells me he hates me..! HA! SO I told him that everyword he spoke was like a knife stabbing my brain so that he better shut up and that I felt the same way ... This is truly ridiculous...
2006-10-29 16:38:31 · update #1
men are like that.
hmmmmmmm....
simple.
he wants to have a part an say in everything.
he sounds really busy an he wants his time to count.
he doesn't know how though.
let him talk, just try listening an saying "ok" to everything.
it's hard sometimes....
(always)
but try it.
he just wants his opinion heard.
don't turn em down.
talk everything out with him.
(nicely) as if your asking his advice.
kinda like feeding the ego af the dominant male species.
an watching him grow lol
2006-10-29 16:49:14 · answer #1 · answered by Aaliyah Morales 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there!! So sorry to hear about the situation you're in. I have been going through a similar kind of thing with my husband. I am a stay-at-home mom of a 13 month old boy. My husband works nights and sleeps during the day. For the 3 or so hours he awake before he goes to work again, he is constantly criticizing everything I do. The same thing happens when he has his days off, except it's all day long. Nothing is ever good enough and everything is my job because he makes the money.
We had a good talk recently and it came out that he is jealous of all the time I get to spend with our son and he tries to control everything so that he feels he is part of our lives. He thinks if he is in control, then he is involved. I have told him he doesn't have to do this and just spend the precious time we do have together enjoying each other as a family. He is really trying to do this now. I guess he didn't realize what he was doing either til it came out that day. Things are slowly getting better.
I don't know if this is what your husband is feeling, but I really hope that the two of you can figure it out and you all can get back to be a happy family. Good Luck to you all!!
2006-10-30 02:34:13 · answer #2 · answered by tlkpooh 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From what you've written, it sounds as if he's trying to make up for never being around, but really doesn't know how to go about it. Think about it, he is gone all day and you rule the roost. When he gets home, its like he is a visitor because he is not there making rules and watching his children grow and learn. He complains because he is not sure how he fits in, so he is trying to take over and have some small sense of control or belonging within his household.
Now, he does need to be nice about it! Is there some way you guys could find time to talk? Can he just buy some sweats for your daughter? You could return one of the outfits if its a matter of money? It might make him feel like he has more of a connection to his family if he gets a bit of a say in what goes on. Why not let him try to parent a little when he is there?
2006-10-30 00:39:40 · answer #3 · answered by Terrible Threes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also have three kids and was with a some what irrational man...........We have twin girls that are 7 and a 5 yr old. In the past I found that when he was really stressed he would take it out on me and not rationally, he would find the dumbest things to argue about and make a HUGE deal over nothing.........probably because I was the closest person to him??? But after a while it just got to the point where enough was enough and I did not want to deal with it anymore...it's stressful and it strains your relationship with your kids....when your fighting it makes it hard to give the kids the love and attention they need.....so we decided we would separate and we get along soooo much better. It's not to say it will stay this way, but for now it is much better for all of us..
Take Care .....stress plays a major role in relationships...If he is working 2 jobs and in graduate school then I am positive his stress level is quite high
2006-10-30 00:42:21 · answer #4 · answered by Lyssa D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's mostly away from home so he's missing out on a lot of the kid stuff. Maybe he feels a little left out. In the grand scheme of things does an a pair of sweat pants or two really make a difference? I learned a long time ago to pick my battles with my "husband", either that or just laying down really simple.. this is what it is and this is the way it's going to be. Good luck
2006-10-30 00:40:28 · answer #5 · answered by A D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The joys of married life and parenting ...... Here's a hard lesson I learned...
***Pick your battles*****
Husband used to do the same thing until I started ignoring the petty stuff. Don't sweat the small stuff. If he's going to find something to complain about, leave the room so you don't have to hear it. It sounds like he's a bit of perfectionist. If this is the case, explain to him you're doing the best you can and if he doesn't like it .... he can help out. It's tough to say, especially when he's in an already foul mood, but it has to be said.
If he goes off .... Let him. Just leave the room and leave him be. It's a lot easier said than done about ignoring him. HOWEVER, he may be trying to compete for some of your attention too, and isn't sure how to do it. You continuing to argue with him over small stuff is giving him attention, whether it's negative or positive. Try giving him some more attention and ignore the petty stuff.
2006-10-30 00:35:16 · answer #6 · answered by Mom of 2 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He may be acting this way because he is jealous you are getting spend all the time with the kids while he is working. Try setting aside 1 day during the week/weekend that he is home for him to do things with the kids, and don't butt in when he disciplines or dresses them. Pretty soon he will realize how much you do and you will both be in agreement on how to handle situations and discipline.
2006-10-30 04:42:35 · answer #7 · answered by Bran 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm... I'm not sure if I understand your predicament enough, but I recognized some of what you said in things my husband does. He's not like that all the time, but only on "bad" days. So I feel like I know what you're going through, and from my experience, maybe your husband is just really stressed out. You said he works two jobs and goes to grad school- that would be enough to stress anyone out! A lot of husbands, especially fathers, want to be strong role models for their wife and kids, and don't want to show any real emotion- like stress and anxiety, so they hide it, but it comes out in other ways, like complaining all the time about non-issues. Just a hunch. Good luck with everything.
2006-10-30 00:41:35 · answer #8 · answered by sssstressedmom 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe because he is gone so much of the time with working and going to school and isn't able to spend much time with the kids, this is his way of feeling like he has a part in raising them and being a parent, however he's going about it the wrong way. You need to sit down and have a talk with him about it. Maybe he feels he doesn't have any say in some of the daily decision-making where the kids are concerned because he's gone so much, so his way of feeling like he has some control is to contradict everything you do. Please give him the benefit of the doubt...talk to him and hear him out. He is probably just as stressed as you are about the situation. Good luck to both of you :)
2006-10-30 00:48:26 · answer #9 · answered by Patricia S 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So he wanted to buy his daughter some sweats, where is the major issue here? If it were my husband I would have said "Great! Then she will really be set for winter!" Sounds to me like YOU were arguing with him about the clothes and not him with you.
2006-10-30 02:12:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋