I have twin boys age 5. Their dad does not live in the home. He's been in trouble with the law and is also homeless he blames me for his homelessness because I lost my job and went to apply for aid and now he is forced to pay child support. When they used to go visit with him I was worried if they would get fed, or were they gonna be roaming the streets and he only wants to pick them up when he gets his SSI check which is once a month. I have a new boyfriend and he has been helping me with their dicipline and he tells me that he can visit them when he can provide them with a stable place to go to but I don't want that to happen because they are now starting to respect me and I know dad will probably brainwash them with something. Please help!!
2006-10-29 16:12:06 · 17 answers · asked by ameliaurbina6945@sbcglobal.net 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well I'm 14 and have divorced parents and their dad WILL brainwash them. My dad does it so it confuses me! I wouldn't recommend it until they're older.
2006-10-29 16:15:26 · answer #1 · answered by brown eyed gurl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he doesn't have a place to live (the father), I don't see how he could possibly be giving the boys a stable place to visit with him. If he can't afford a place to live, he probably can't afford food either. I'd worry he wasn't feeding them either!! As far as brain washing, he's probably so pissed off at the whole situation, he probably IS telling your children it's YOUR fault he's in that situation he's in right now. (Which, isn't true.) I would make him visit your children at your house!!! That way, you know he's not talking badly about you, they are getting fed and your children aren't roaming the streets with their homeless father. As long as he's paying child support, I guess you have to figure out a way to make it possible for him to see them. Do it on your terms. Right? I'm not an expert by any means, but I hope this helped!! Good luck to you.
2006-10-29 16:30:30 · answer #2 · answered by Jenna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think I would allow my kids to visit with their dad ALONE. I would insist upon supervised visits only. This can be set up legally, by court order. They can meet in a specified place like Mcdonalds with a court appointed person sitting a table or two away for an hour or two. This happens alot actually. I do agree with your bf, too. The father should have a place to take them that is stable and secure.
Negativity is, unfortunately, part of the game. Dads knock Moms and vise versa for personal gains. Don't fall into that trap. Don't play that game. Remain true to your convictions and you shouldn't loose the respect.
2006-10-29 16:45:22 · answer #3 · answered by ellymar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think they should visit him when he has no place for them to visit, and child protective services would back you up on that 100% . However , if you want them to know their Dad, you might meet him at a public place to spend some time, and you should always be there. That way you know exactly what's being said and done . You definitely need to call the shots in this situation .
2006-10-29 16:20:28 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If those twin boys were mine, there would be no way i would send them out my door to a man who has been in trouble with the law (what kind of trouble?), who is homeless as well. Would your kids sleep in his car?, or stay at any number of places that may not be safe or appropriate for them? The kids might not be supervised, fed or cared for properly. I think YOU would be negligent to let your boys go into such a situation. What reassurance do you have that your ex will RETURN your boys? If you had to report your kids missing, what would you tell the police....? "I allowed my kids to go off with their homeless dad who has a poverty level income". If your ex wants to see his kids, I can understand that. But NOT OUTSIDE of YOUR HOME. It is his legal right to see his kids whether he is able to pay child support or not. ANY judge would block your ex from being allowed to keep the boys , unsupervised. because of his inability to provide them with shelter, and, if he has had problems with drugs or alcohol, that is additional reason why he is not ENTITLED at this time to take your boys out of your home. You continue to neglect the needs of your children, and endanger their welfare everytime you allow your ex to take them out of your sight. Call a childrens court or local police station, to get the info you need to block your ex from taking your kids out of your home (for even 5 minutes). I promise you a judge will issue a court order preventing him from taking your kids for "visits". Just remember, the next time you allow him to take your kids for a visit, it could be the last time you ever see your kids. Get smart!
2006-10-29 17:22:59 · answer #5 · answered by kristy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let your husband take your children away because you're right, angry partners do brainwash and use their children to get back at their ex-spouses. You should ask him to visit you in your house so the twins will get to see him but not have a chance to be spoilt. Plus it doesn't sound like your ex is very stable, he might psychologically be damaging your children.
2006-10-29 16:38:18 · answer #6 · answered by DrSH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you think your children are in real danger you do not have the right to prevent them from knowing their father. If they want to see him you should let them. Your boyfriend may be a replacement for you but he is not a replacement father. Avoid saying bad thing about him and he will probably stop saying bad things about you. Children are very observant and will figure out who they can depend on to take care of them.
2006-10-29 18:08:43 · answer #7 · answered by meg 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is something you need to ask a lawyer... you may be able to stop unsupervised visitaions until he gets his life in order.... the homeless thing would be the main concern for a case worker... I have seen moms or dads try to stop visitations of the other parent for criminal records, and unless the judge or case worker is a real up standing and carrying person that did not happen... but, like i said, you need to consult with a good lawyer first !!!! or maybe try a womans org. and let them help you find out what you need to do........ God bless
2006-10-29 16:19:31 · answer #8 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time to realize he will always be their father and His weakness may have allot to do with the failure of Your marriage. He may be broken but not unrepairable. Having time with His boys is probably the highlight of his current life. Ask him what he is going to do and where they are going to be if you feel the need. You have every right to know what his plans are and perhaps encouraging the relationship between them will give him motivation to get his act together.
2006-10-29 16:46:39 · answer #9 · answered by old codger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Going thru the state or a lawyer is going to be the best bet for you. That way things are court ordered and the burden is taken off of you. I have two teenage boys,and I will not let my husband have them unless he has his own place. You are not wrong on that aspect. But do ask the courts for help.
2006-10-29 16:22:19 · answer #10 · answered by shugabam! 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to see a lawyer right away! You need to have very specific visitation requirements put on him. I would say supervised at the least...and given his history, you may easily get sole custody with no visitation for him. BUT, you have to go through the courts, or you have no legal leg to stand on!
2006-10-29 16:24:42 · answer #11 · answered by peacedevi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋