I am trying to write a letter to my boyfriend who I think could be cheating on me, or having an interest in the possiblity. I have found some things that I feel constitute this behaviour. We are currently living together and he always tells me he loves me. I don't want to sound like a ***** or insecure, I just want to know whats going on....any suggestions?
2006-10-29 15:53:59 · 15 answers · asked by chickypie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think a face to face discussion is far better than a letter. I can't imagine getting a letter from my husband instead of having him talk to me. Are you afraid of a violent reaction?
I would ask myself what I want to gain from this interaction. Do you want to be reassured that he loves you? Do you want to see how he reacts to determine if your suspicions are valid? And what are you going to do if you still suspect he is cheating on you? It is good to have your own agenda figured out before you start down this path.
2006-10-29 16:00:03 · answer #1 · answered by anna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you should write him a letter. I think that you should familiarize yourself with the body language of deception (see links below) and take a day or so to just observe how he reacts to normal questions, such as, "What would you like for dinner?" Then, you should find a time to engage him in conversation about your concerns. You will not seem insecure if you first ask him if he's ever thought about seeing others. If he wants to know why you re asking him that, insist that he must answer first, and then you'll tell him. See what he says and does. Then bring forth the evidence you found and watch his body language. If you write, you will give him the luxury of time to think up a reply that may not be forthright.
2006-10-29 16:05:25 · answer #2 · answered by Latrice T 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't do anything when you have no evidence that he's doing something..
he might not be up to anything, and might see you as insecure or cage-y.
my advice is that you should confront him--have a serious talk--when you actually THINK with confidence that something is hapenning, and that it would affect the nature of your relationship. no matter what you do, don't write stuff like that in a letter.... it's much better face-to-face, believe me.
but if you don't wanna take that bout of advice and you want to know IMMEDIATELY, i suggest you, again, confront him with your suspicions and tell him that you just wondered, and that you know he won't cheat, but just making sure? soften it up with something like that, and see how he reacts. angry, nervous, or hilarity is a sign that something is up. upset that you would say such a thing means that nothing is up.
make sure to take note if he starts laughing hysterically, starts shouting at you for saying such a thing, or starts mumblig unintelligibly... these are all signs that something MIGHT be up. not ALWAYS... MIGHT.
don't try to pick your way through your boyfriend's things, or anythign like that...
just keep your cool, and confront him when necessary.
hope this helps!
2006-10-29 16:00:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't write a letter and don't confront him unless you have facts. You want to tell him how you have been feeling lately and explain your insecurities about the relationship but don't accuse him of anything. A letter seems childish to me and if you accuse him, he may never forget it. Now on the other hand if you let him know that you are feeling a little insecure, he will ask why and then explain.
2006-10-29 16:00:08 · answer #4 · answered by ?? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T write a letter! Writing letters in a relationship means that communication has broken down, and that is the beginning of the end of a relationship.
TALK to him about it! Keep the communication open. If he refuses to discuss it, then it is time to hire a P.I.
2006-10-29 15:58:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will sit him down and talk to him instead since you guys live together. It is much better to verbally express yourself, but one thing you must keep in mind is that when discussing this matter, try not to let your frustration take a hold of you. Reason with him and express to him how you really feel. Don't jump to the conclusion just yet. Let just see what he has to say.
2006-10-29 15:57:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think a letter is the best way. If he is cheating, you give him time to think a way to talk himself out of it, plus u dont see his initial reaction, and if he's not cheating, you will most likely lose him through mistrust. Talk to him instead, or find definite proof
or call cheaters
2006-10-29 15:57:46 · answer #7 · answered by zimba 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't write a letter confront him face to face and have the evidence with you to back you up
2006-10-29 15:56:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't write a letter ,if you suspect ask him out right,watch his reaction, if you write a letter yo u will have lost this reaction,but beware you may lose this fight,and your boyfriend,if he hasnt be cheating he goning to be pissed off, like how dare you think that ,do you home work ,check it out , look before you leep !!!
2006-10-29 16:01:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't write just talk. be calm, be precise, and be open. Don't go in there mad or upset, just be concerned because you like him enough to talk to him about it. If a fight starts agree to walk away and come back to it later.
2006-10-29 15:57:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋