parents please i need your help?

Question

my mom is a drunk i stopped talking to her and she gav up trying to talk to me its been 10 months since i've last talked to her. i lov my mom but i've been so hard on her and she still hasn't changed in fact she's worst last i heard i kno she lovs me but i fear she may die and i wonder if she knos i lov her and just want her to be sober for her heath and life. any advice PLEAZZ i hav night mares i get depressed and am not my hyper jolly self

shes also into drugs and VERY violent

shes been drinking from ages 19 to now about 35

im 15 16 in jan

Answer 1

She is Your Mom, and apparently something has led Her to this lifestyle. You have told Her how You feel to the point of alienating Her from You. But all of that does not change the fact that You want things to be better. Perhaps they can be better, but not completely how You wish them to be. I have an In Law with the same problem with Her Mom, and after many, many years, Her Mom has not stopped drinking. But They found a way to be closer. They agreed to disagree. You need to look past the act and find the reason behind it. That has to be fixed in order for the drinking to possibly stop. A big job for a Daughter, Yes.

Now this is what surprises Me. When Children and Parents disagree, or fight, it is ALWAYS the Parent that initiates contact. So there is a problem, other than the apparent ones.

So Here is what I suggest, this is what You may be able to live with. You need to treat Your Mother well. The Bible says to Honor Thy Mother and Father. It does not say unless they drink. You have to do what is proper, so that You can know that You did everything You could, so that when Your Mom does leave this World, You can live with Your decisions. That is what I have had to do with a Family Member. And I can say that it has started to work, and I can honestly tell You that I would have never believed that it would. Although I am not allowed to discuss the past, I can be happy with both of Our conduct in the present.

You could look into an intervention, if You haven't in the past, but You have to realize that that could push Her further away. Look back at Her Childhood, and Marriage, that might help You have more compassion towards Her state of mind. Not that what She has choosen to do is justified by that, but it still might help.

It is a shame that any Child has to go through these things. But remember two old sayings, That which doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger, and, There but for the Grace of God, go I.

May God Bless Your Journey, and Your Reconciliation

Answer 2

I know that this is not a great situation for you to be in right now, even though she is your mother she is a person FIRST and as a person we all mess up in life, I think that she still loves you regardless of her problem with alcohol, but she just needs to get her act and life together, which is hard when you are so deep into a habit such as alcoholism, which can destroy not only her physically but your family, she has to realize this on her own, you can help with your words of support but it is going to take her OWN efforts, in this situation, I think that it will take some time for her to be sober and STAY sober. You can remind her that she is your mother and that you love her and that she has your support if she is truly dedicated to stop drinking, but she has to make the commitment. If she needs help you can also do some searching for some good counseling services that can help her.

Best of Wishes!!!!!

Answer 3

I am so sorry Skye. I sometimes wonder who addiction is hardest on. The addict who suffers the direct affects of their addiction, or those of us who have to stand by & watch the addicts (our loved ones) destroy themselves.
You need to know that (A) you are not responsible for your mom' s addiction to alcohol in any way. (I know I'm not talking to a child, but that message still applies) (B) You are powerless to stop your mom from drinking. Only she can do that, & only when she's ready. All you can do is ask her to go to treatment in the most kind & caring way you can, & hope that she one day accepts your advice.

Now let's talk about YOU. You need to take care of yourself. Worrying, & fretting about our addict ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING!
I used to keep myself awake at night worrying about my wifes drinking. Meanwhile she was blissfully sleeping off her night with the bottle, totally unaware of how deeply affected I was about her path to self destruction.
I want to help you to stop the nightmares, the worry, & the depression.
Please get this book, I really mean it, it helped me a lot in dealing with my wife & her love affair with Vodka, & I know it can help you too.
"Co-Dependant No More" by Melody Beatty.
The book is in most Bookstore chains, & is somewhere around $20.00 to &30.00 in paperback, it's well worth it.

Find a chapter of Alanon, or CODA near you, & try attending their meetings. You would be amazed at how helpfull it is to be able to just sit & talk with someone who understands what you are going through. Just talking & venting will ease a lot of your depression, plus you will learn how to cope with a relentless addiction. Although I hope your mom will get some help one day, but you can't be ready to do the right thing if that day ever comes, if you have turned yourself into an emotional basket case in the meantime.
So take care of yourself, & please read that book.

Answer 4

Ok this may not be what you want to hear....but unfortunatly there is nothing that you can do about this but love her the way she is and accept her. She will only change if she wants to and dont expect her to do it now and for you. Alcoholism is hard to get over and even harder when you dont think its a problem. My dad is the same way and its not just alchol. I worry everyday and feel the same way you do and it sucks sooo bad. But the only thing you can do it let it go and realize that yes she is hurting herself but she is the only one who can stop herself. I know you want to save her but chances are she doesnt want to be saved. I would just try your hardest to not bother her about it and be there for her for support if she needs it. Like I said it sucks. You have to worry about yourself cause it doesnt sound like your mom is in the right state of mind to care about anyone else at the moment. I hope you are living somewhere though where you are comfortable and have someone around for a parent figure. I know its hard for you but trust me you need to care about yourself. Dont stop talking to her but like I said just take her as she is. Good Luck

Answer 5

Your Mom needs professional help, once she helps her self then she will understand that you love her.You can take the time and talk to her she needs to know you love her. Just don't be there 24/7 and tell her why you can't be, tell her she needs to get help and asap for her health and your relationship. Most alcoholics don't realize they need help or that they are truly sick.
~Good luck~

Answer 6

I understand what you are going through, my father is also a drunk, I chose in 2004 to stop talking to him because it's just too hard, you have to understand that it's a disease and there's nothing you can do. She's an adult and chooses to hurt herself,it's not your fault she is who she is. You'll always love your mom just as I love my dad, but it doesn't mean you have to watch them kill themselves.

Answer 7

First understand alcoholism is a disease. Your mom will not stop until she is ready. Go to AA.com for answers. Alon is a group for the families of alcoholics, seek help there. Please give it a try we are so affected by the alcoholic in our lives, and carry these affects with us through life.

Answer 8

I am so very sorry. I think your mom knows that you love. Just try to get some help for yourself and take care of yourself. She is the only one that can help herself. Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

She knows sweetie,the problem is she doesn't love herself.You just need to do whatever is best for you.Check out an Alon grup in your area.They can help you sort it out.

Answer 10

First of all, how old are you? Are you on your own or do you live with your Mom?