is my parenting a little off the hook?

Question

i have 5 kids i spank them when they do bad (except for the infant who is 3 weeks old of course) im a biologist but 15 years ago i was a con(prisoner) im hardcore im not a soft-type dad when the baby cries i pick him up for a minute then put him down if my 13 yr old has a problem with whatever i relate to him my past bad days....if my 3 yr old daughter wants her dad i tell her to go to your mom your brother's watching tv with me when the baby cries and i realize he ****ed his diaper i dont say aww look at my baby you made a doo-doo i say honey the baby pooped! and when im off the mood i practically drink lots of wine and when my kids approach i say get ,outta here im drinking after that i sleep in the bed and my wife looks at me with tear-brimmed eyes and i say -you got me into this then i fall asleep other times im a good dad i pick the baby up and talk to him about motorcycles or i would pick the clothes for my kids thats all the good i do would you recommend tips for parenting?

my kids only know the bad in me but i sometimes go to the park and tlak to them about their school,life,etc.

we go to the park once a month though and basically i provide money for the family because my wife had a leave at being a doctor for a year :O( i know i have to treat them right but i dont know how get me some tips will ya?

Answer 1

Stop what you are doing now! You should be a positive role in your children's lives. Your kids didn't ask for you so get over that whole` poor me I'm stuck`. Do you know what you are doing to your kids? You are telling them that they don't deserve your love. Soon your 13 yr. old will start acting out to get your attention. Your 3 yr. old daugther will soon grow up and look to other men for the love that she didn't from you. My dad drank to get away from my brother and I. Now my brother drinks like my dad. He's had 3 D.U.I.'s. I started having sex at 13. Do you want your children to make the same mistakes you did? Don't you want them to have the world? Or do you resent yourself for the decisions you have made? You gave these kids a life. They deserve better than you are giving them. For your wife, she is giving more than you will ever realize to this life you have with her. She is a single parent taking care of 6 children. If you want to leave, than leave. The only contribution i can see you making is financial. If that is all you feel you need to contribute, go and let her find someone who wants her and those kids. Don't let your children grow up to hate you. If you continue the way you call "parenting", this will be the case.

Answer 2

KIDS are special people. They all have little souls and all are different and special. Kids know from an early age when you are bad too them. You dont even have to speak words they can just pick it up.
Kids do not need spanking, ever. It is abuse and you can lose the kids to the STATE. You need to find a better way to dicipline them like time out or positive reinforcement.
Just because you had a bad life and were in prison does not mean you should destine your kids to that style of life and that is what hitting teaches them. They can grow to abuse themselves or have anger problems or emotional problems.
Your kids watch you and use you as an EXAMPLE. What kind of example are you giving them?
Is your drinking ruining your life and also the life of your wife and kids? If so get help, stop drinking, take parenting classes, and make your home a special place for your family. It should be a place that all family members look forward to being. Right now I think it is far from it.

Answer 3

I think your behavior is abusive and you are slowly destroying your family. However, you must care and know that your actions are not the best course. Otherwise you would not be asking for advice. Please lay off the alcohol, if you need help, go to AA. Try finding a local Daddy's group. It's group that usually meets weekly where fathers can go to learn different approaches to parenting. Definitely take your children to the park more often and try to be more involved with their school experience. Talking to the baby is great! Do more of that. Try not to spank. The message that sends to the child is that they are bad, not that their actions were bad.

But don't just focus on being a better dad. You need to try to be a better husband. Help your wife more. Instead of informing her that the baby needs changed, do it. Help with the dishes. Take the kids one evening a week so she can have a break.

I know that I am saying a lot here and that it might be overwhelming. Don't try to change everything all at once. New habits take time to form. Change one thing at time and give yourself several weeks to get used to your new way of doing things. And above all else, remember your children will follow your example. They learn from your actions, not your words. What are you teaching your children? Is this the lesson you want them to be learning?

Good luck and I hope everything will work out for you and your family.

Answer 4

You pick up the baby who is 3 weeks old and talk to him about motorcycles? You only mention 3 kids above. What do you do with the other 2. Hard core xcon now biologist. Come on now.If you are on the up and up Yes I would have to say your parenting is off the hook , disconnected and wrong number.
The first thing you say is you spank your kids when they do bad. WHY. Does someone 4 times your size spank you when you do bad? If you are a biologist you should have some knowledge about the human body and know that a childs brain is not in their butts but in their heads and the only way to get a child to really understand whats right and whats wrong is to teach them and not hit them. Hitting a child only teaches the child that thier parent is unable to control thier frustrations in life and snap. I would love for every parent who believes that a child has to be spanked when they do something wrong to get spanked by someone 3 times thier size everytime they so something wrong.

Answer 5

you need to be greatful 5kidsmom is still with you. she probably should have left when you were only 1kidsdad. your children need your love, not your abuse. same goes for your wife. there are so many people out there that can't have kids and would give anything in the world just to have 1, but you have 5 and dont appreciate how special that truly is. take a look at what your life would be without your wife and children, and that should get you on the right track. i think your first step should be to quit drinking. you and your family will notice a big change just from that alone.

Answer 6

My dad molested me for 8 years and when he did that he was trying to be nice, and when he wasn't he was a total a$$hole to me. You have a lot to handle with 5 kids and you need to spend individual time with them all. You both should have known what you were getting yourselves into. 13 yr old and a 3 wk old? You guys are probably way too old to be having babies pop out. Can't go back now. Well, no more babies, it's just overpopulation, and more costly. You need not think about the money this is costing you, you should be thinking about your childhood and how bad it was. Don't you want your children to have the best childhood ever? Life is not a bowl of cherries, but still make life fun. The older kids are neglected, and you need to take them out to have mom time and dad time.get a babysitter for the younger crowd.

Answer 7

Well you don't sound to bad to me but you should try to sofen up a bit you have daughter ya got to be sweet and soft with them sometimes and you can always invite your daughter to watch tv with you and her brother instead of saying go to your mom I'm watching tv with your brother try to find something you all can do togeather as a family something they will like like when I was littler we had quite time we all was quite we either took a nap,read,drew or watched tv but no one spoke not a word then we had family nights we'd watch a movie togeather and put a blanket down on the floor set there and eat while watching the movie or we'd play board games togeather and talked about things anything your not a bad dad ( trust me I know bad dads I have one ) LoL but I would also stop the drinking when your kids are there wait till there spending the night with a friend or family member or set a day with your wife that you can go out to a hotel or something.

Answer 8

Obviously if your asking you are concerned about your parenting and know that your not doing everything right. It sounds like you have alot of good in you but you could probably spend more time and treat your kids better than you do. Why would you send your 3 year old to your wife when she wants you? Drinking in front of your kids is only setting an example that drinking and ignoring everyone is acceptable. Why spank your kids? Your teaching them when your angry violence solves the problem all your doing is teaching them to fear you. If your wife is teary eyed then shes' not happy. you should try to work on your relationship with your kids and wife and you would probably be a happier guy

Answer 9

And your question is? Are you a bad dad? In whole not completely. For the most part? YES! Do your thing on your time, when the kids are in bed or at a friends house or at school. I'm not saying you have to be all cute with them all the time but interact with your children more than sitting on the couch watching tv or telling them to get you a beer. Taking them to the park one time in a year doesn't count. Damn, no wonder your wife wants to cry. You made these kids together so get with the program and raise them together. grrrrr.

Answer 10

I just got out about 4 months ago after 5 years myself and one thing I can tell you if you want your life to straighten out is this, you have tried to change on your own you see that you are not being the man that you know that you should be it's time for something new if you love your family. Give God the chance to do what he has promised you he can. HE CAN MAKE YOU INTO THE NEW CREATION a man that will please and serve the Creator and not the created things of the world.