One of our family members enables several others. They are prescribed pain medications, but when other family member "hurt too much" they give them to them instead of taking them. They tend to accept any type of behavior as okay, even when someone sleeps throughout the day and does nothing to tae care of themselves.
One family member has lost everything they had, house, job, car, everything, yet they still treat her as a baby. For another one they conviently overlook her addictions as well, but since she lives in another city, she can choose when and where they see her.
I am steadily losing family members by death or by jail, and yet they still cannot see what destruction they reek when they "help out" one of these succubis. They are throwing their life away, and might land in jail themselves for someone who does not care. What would you do? I can't call their doctor, or the law. Thanks for any advice.
2006-10-29 14:54:43 · 6 answers · asked by Too Curious 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If You have not shared too much information about this to Others, then there just might be a way, that You can help, from afar, so to speak. Many a problem can be helped, and even solved, by the pen being mightier than the sword. You can put Your feelings on paper. Then take out all the emotions, and anything that would tie You to the letter. Be careful not to hand write it, leave prints on it, or use anything but a stick on stamp. You would be surprised at how much can be done this way. See if they do not know who it is from, then they can believe it to be from any and everyone. Which will be far more powerful. You care, and You want to help, and You do not want to get them into further trouble, so send them a letter stating that what is being done is known. But AGAIN, You can not have any of the letter be personal, where it can be traced back to You. It is a powerful, powerful thing. It can work. Best Wishes, and God Bless
2006-10-29 15:33:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just had to answer this one...my mother in law is an enabler...so I know EXACTLY what you're talking about!! These kind of people think they are helping and come up with an excuse for just about anything!!!
I am sorry about your situation. But, you can not change what is going on around you. Things have to run it's course with or without you. I know you care about your family, but you can only do so much, but what you're asking-you can't do anything. I would go about your own life and do your best not to let these things overwhelm you.
If it helps, my mother in law has her son, his wife and their daughter living with them. They don't need to live there, but my MIL chooses to make every excuse for them to be there. My BIL only has a part time job on a farm, never graduated, my SIL never got her license, doesn't have a job, they have a small child with several health issues, etc. Yet my MIL has never made them learn how to balance a check book, she does everything for them!!! They are 24 and 21 years old!! They will never become adults because she enables them. My BIL is bipolar and my MIL makes excuses for him when he treats her badly. When he is adult enough to go to the doctor and get treated for his illness. There is a lot of drama over there and she makes a lot of excuses for them, but I don't go over there. I don't pay attention anymore.
I hope my crazy family story and advice helped. Good luck to you.
2006-10-29 16:51:57 · answer #2 · answered by Jenna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This person may truly believe that she is helping. Her disease is enabling and it is a pattern of behavior that could take her down faster than the succs. You can talk to a person's Dr. or nurse, and they will not have her arrested. This would be a good place to start. She really needs some therapy and a community worker to check in on her (count her meds, etc.). I had to blow a person's cover because they were going into alcohol withdrawal and wouldn't tell anyone. They needed medical intervention. It was kept confidential for me so everything turned out OK. Best of luck to you!
2006-10-29 16:18:41 · answer #3 · answered by whrldpz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It helped me to go to Al-Anon when I watched some other familiy members and friends enable my mother to death.
You can't stop what is happening, and it will only make you crazy trying. By not calling the doctor or the law, you are becoming complicit in their sickness.
Do what you can live with doing. You can see what the addiction is doing to her but you can't see what it is doing to you.
2006-10-29 15:00:05 · answer #4 · answered by Buffy Summers 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Accept the fact that you are powerless to change anyone but yourself. That's all you CAN do.
2006-10-29 14:57:45 · answer #5 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't deal with it Skippy ------------run!!!
As far as you can.
If you don't you will become the enabler!
2006-10-29 15:00:17 · answer #6 · answered by stonedpigeon1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋