Children (Parenting)?

Question

ive always said i never want kids, but girlfriend wants them :/ - thing is with me i like my freedom and own space... i'm 25 and know for a fact your life is over once a child is involved, (tied down/sleepless nights/changing nappys grrr)!!

some neighbours who live near me are in their mid 30's, no kids...just a couple who go out to the local pub/go to the cinema/meal (one or the other) every night after a days work and i think to myself "i want to be like that" (just me and my partner).

would love to hear other peoples views about parenting, is your life really over? :/

i'll add a bit more here...yeah it seems most of you are happy hehe.

i don't know, i guess its because of everything ive seen with people with kids, they always seem stressed out :/

to be honest though, i'm not a great lover of kids, they do my head in to put it politely lol, i suppose its different when they are your own though ;)

but yeah as said, i love my freedom and own space too much ive said all my life even when i was in junior school under10 that i never want kids :O

but i just found out my sister is pregnant 2 weeks ago, even that was a shock to me lol (uncle) eek!!! - took me a while to get round that at first, but i'm well pleased for her.

shes 21 and my only sister so yeah first time we've experienced something like this in the family.

Answer 1

I THINK ITS GOOD THAT YOUR HONEST AND THAT YOU KNOW YOU DONT WANT CHILDREN....THAT MAY CHANGE IN THE FUTURE SO NEVER SAY NEVER...I THINK THAT ITS MATURE OF YOU TO REALISE THAT YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE FOREVER AND BASICALLY YOUR NOT READY TO COMMIT YOURSELF TO THAT KIND OF RESPONSIBILITY....IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND KNOWS YOUR VIEWS SHE SHOULD REALLY RESPECT THEM ENOUGH TO EITHER LEAVE YOU AND MOVE ON WITH SOMEONE WHO WANTS WHAT SHE WANTS BECAUSE IT WILL NEVER WORK BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU UNLESS ONE OF YOU IS PREPARED TO BACK DOWN....ALTHOUGH YOU DONT WANT CHILDREN IT WOULD BE CRUEL TO EXPECT HER NOT TO HAVE ANY IF THATS WHAT SHE WANTS.....YOUR LIFE DOES CHANGE, ITS NEVER THE SAME AGAIN BUT PEOPLE WHO WANT CHILDREN SEE THAT CHANGE AS A GOOD THING NOT BAD. I THINK THE ISSUE HERE IS REALLY BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR GIRL...THINK YOU NEED TO BE HONEST WITH EACHOTHER AND DECIDE WHETHER YOU HAVE A FUTURE TOGETHER.

Answer 2

Just like the Johnson and Johnson commercials ..... Having a baby changes EVERYTHING. I will admit it was a difficult transition for me at first. I was used to the freedom you talk about. Having the ability to leave work and catch a few drinks without having to worry about finding someone to watch the baby. Successfully going to the grocery store and not have to hear everything she wants LOL I remember a time when it only took 2 seconds to walk out the door to go get some dinner.

HOWEVER, I will say ..... there are things I can look back on and say, yeah, that would be nice to have that freedom ..... but I would NEVER trade any type of freedom for my little girl. The things she's taught me about ME is far greater than any freedom I could have without her. I will say this though. You're 25, and life isnt' OVER when you have children, it's DIFFERENT when you children. You can still do things YOU enjoy, however, when you have children, you realize it's not about what YOU want anymore, for the most part. YOu want them to experience things and learn new things, you don't mind putting aside the after work drinks to do those things with them.

There are times I'm stressed and feel like pulling my hair out. That's the times I spend MORE time with her. It helps me anyhow. Hope this helps :)

Answer 3

My advice is dont have kids if you dont want them or are not ready. Its something that wont go away and you can never take back, You should be ready for a HUGH commitment.

Some day, you might change your mind, but if you dont really want kids now, wait. If your girlfriend pushes you, explain that having kids that you dont want will not be healthy for the kids. The could possibly grow up being un loved or feeling unwanted. Im not saying you would or wouldnt do that as I dont know you. Too many people are having kids because they think its required or because they have unprotected sex. These kids are growing up unloved and uncared for and in some cases being beaten or abused because of it. Then the kids grow up and start the whole process over again.

Any way, that is just my opinion. I have a 1 year old son and love him very much. Im not a perfect father, but I try. It is a big commitment, but you can still have a life. I have been able to start my business since my son's birth and dont feel tide down because of him... however.. I would like to get away from my wife some times!!

Answer 4

My life did change but more for good than bad.My child was sick a lot and we made multiple trips to the doctor..he was in the hospital a lot. Overall I loved being a parent. It allowed me to see a new kind of love I had never felt for anyone.It helped me get my life on track and to grow up. There is NOTHING like a child's smile and laughter. Nothing like a hug a child gives you or a "I love you". Nothing like seeing your child get off the school bus and run to you to hug you and say "I made something for you." Kids are like anything else..there are goods and there are bads. The goods ALWAYS out weigh the bad. HOwever, BE sure you want kids. Yes, your life does change (diapers, sleepless nights) but those only last a few years and then they will be on table food, potty trained, etc. If you decide to have children, you will, I promise you, be glad you did it when you hear the laughter and get that first kiss and "I love you".

Answer 5

I have pretty strong opinions on this issue, not to say that I am not always strongly opinionated :) ............. If at this time you do not wish to have kids and you have the feelings you expressed, I,myself, would admire you for sticking to it. But make a decision before marriage and stick to it because even when you would die to have kids like I was, raising kids is more than a full time job. I adore kids, taught elem school for 20 years, but I've always said I think one of the hardest things that could happen is to have a child and you didn't want any. You may change your mind, or maybe you could spend the weekend taking care of kids with your girlfriend and "things " will pop out in your and in her behavior. I would definitely say this is not one thing to be talked into. If you get weak in the knees and aren't sure, spend some time with little babies and little kids TAKING CARE OF THEM YOURSELF AND OVERNIGHT. I think as a whole, men feel and react much differently about having an unwanted baby. Women's hormones kick in and that is amazing, but men's don't

Answer 6

No, your life isn't over...but it does change drastically. If you don't want children then don't. Don't have them for your girlfriends sake or you'll wind up resenting them both. I have a 14 and 10 yr old and am just now gaining back some of my freedom. There are joys you can never imagine until you have kids, but if you want to avoid the sacrifice... that's okay too! This is a big deal breaker... if you really don't want kids, then find another girlfriend that feels the same as you do. It's not fair to your current one or to you to continue a relationship that is doomed. Don't waste your or her time.

Answer 7

Being a parent is not easy at times, but I would not chnage it for the world. It is a wonderful experience to bring a child in this world, something that is a part of you. To see them smile and say the most funniest or unexpected things or even to observe their innocence.

It might just be that you are not yet ready for children, but remember- you can only do so much partying etc. You will soon get bored.

Parenthood takes you to another level, it about putting your children's needs first, be responsible and accountable, knwoing that there is a little being looking up to you as role model. Unless you are ready to take this on, continue being selfish and enjoy your freedom.

Answer 8

For me my life wasn't over when I had kids it was just a new chapter... Yes there were sleepless nights and dirty diapers but I never felt tied down... I was there the moment each of my children was born to see the miracle that is new innocent life... It was amazing...

At the same time I can honestly say if you are not willing to devote yourself the the job of raising a child you shouldn't have one... If you feel your would somehow lose a part of what makes you, you in the process don't do it...

Answer 9

As a father of two kids under 3, I would have to say life is definitly different. Before I met my wife, I was a bit like you I guess, I make good money, and enjoyed immensly living what can only be described as a rock star lifestyle, but eventually I got the slight urge to settle down, however not until I was 33. My wife, GF at the time took advantage of this hiccup in my thought pattern, anyway to make a long story short, I have two kids now, when they are really small, there not much fun, and to be honest, I can say I wasn't all that interested, not because I didn't love them but because I couldn't teach them anything, but I can say I was lucky I suppose, because I never got up at night, I sleep like a dead person, once you do it a couple times the dirty nappies arn't that bad, and if it's a real ponger, hand the kid off to the wife and go do something in the garage. However, as they start to get a little older it gets better, you get to see their little personalities evolve, they start to talk, and some of the stuff that comes out of their mouths is hilarious, and often cheeky. Personally I think it will only get better, until they hit there teens, not looking forward to it really. But I do look forward to polishing my guns when my daughters suitors come to pick her up. The only thing that gets to me now is the bloody toys, when I was a kid, if they didn't fit in a 4' by 3' box, they went to the needy, my inlaws spoil my kids with toys, two bloody rooms full, and my wife suppliments this with animals, 3 fish, two birds, a dog, two horses a pony and now she want to get the kids a goat for christmas, bloody hell, but it makes for full days, it's rarely dull. One bit of advice, if you do have them, remember disipline tempered with kindness. Set Boundaries and stick to them. Good luck

Answer 10

For the longest time I didn't want kids even with my first husband and at that time I was in my 20's I did my share of playing and travels and thought I had the best life........Until I met this great guy and knew for the first time in my life I did wanted to have kids WHICH was shock to me. So in my 30's I got married again and now I have two great little boys. I guess what I'm staying you just might change your mind don't count it out yet.

Answer 11

Well, if you don't like kids then don't have any BUT if you were with someone who got pregnant then you must take responsibility, and frankly if you really don't want kids I would give up sex because they could still get pregnant even with condoms & birht control, theres a chance. lol sorry just my opinion. We have totally different views.. but anyways enjoy being an uncle and you never know maybe after being around your little neice or nephew you will become very fond of kids & want some of your own Good Luck! :0