tell the funniest joke uve heard!?

Answer 1

Under the Wagon?

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate.

"Hey, Willis," he called out, "forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I'll help you overturn the wagon."

"That's very nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Dad would like me to."

"Aw, come on, son!" the farmer insisted.

"Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, "but Dad won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad's going to be real upset."

"Don't be silly!" said the neighbor. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon," replied Willis

Answer 2

Why does the guy tiptoe previous the medicine draw? because of the fact there are snoozing pills What motor vehicle does Luke Skywalker force? A toyota (get it? toy YODA) there replaced right into a blone and brunette in a bar. they have been gazing the 12:00 information and a guy replaced into approximately to leap off a construction. The brunette wager 10 money that he could leap, the blonde bets that he wont. He jumps and the blonde supplies the brunttee the money yet she says "I cant take this i observed the 11:00 information and knew he could leap" the blonde responds "I did to place i didnt think of he could leap lower back!" 2 women folk have been walking theres canines, one a boxer, the different a chiuaua. They observed a bar and had to bypass in, however the bar pronounced no canines. they have a plan nevertheless. the single with the boxer is going first. The bar proprietor stops her and says no canines allowed she says "yet it relatively is my seeing eye dogs." She is enable in. the different is going in, is stopped and respondes "it relatively is my seeing eye dogs." then bar proprietor is perplexed "A chuiaua is a seeing eye dogs?" so for a rapid excuse she replied "They gave me a chuiaua!?" ^^ Get it? because of the fact she is "blind" and that they "gave" her the incorrect dogs

Answer 3

A husband and wife are having sex upstairs with the window open when a bumblebee flies in the window and into the wife’s vagina. The man and the woman freak out and decide to go to the emergency room. When they finally get to see a doctor, he says that his plan is to put honey on the tip of his penis, to start having sex with the woman, and then to attract the bee and pull out his penis along with the bee. After a minute the husband and wife agree to the plan. The doctor starts having sex with the wife. At first the mood is still calm, but after a couple of minutes the doctor starts groping the wife’s breasts. She starts moaning and screaming along with the doctor. The husband yells, "Wait a minute! What the hell do you think you are doing doctor?" and the doctor replies, "change of plan buddy, I’m gonna drown this son of a *****"

Answer 4

OK ready

A professor was teaching one day and asked if anyone knew the sweetest thing that a persons body produces was.
Non of the kids knew so the teacher then said that it was a man semen.
After a few Min's a girl in the back row hollers out,
Then why doesn't it taste sweet?
As soon as she said this she realized what she had said, so she quietly gets up and start to leave the room.
But before she reached the door, the professor says
Because your sweet taste buds are on the tip of your tongue, not the back of your throat..

ha ha well it made me laugh

Answer 5

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for
awhile,
he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that
joke,
sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things: 1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?the blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Answer 6

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super".

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one", To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet- cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you............Tray-up, B*tch."

Answer 7

An Old Rabbi was retiring so the New Rabbi that was going to take his place wanted to do something special for him. He took the jar full of circumcision skins, the Old Rabbi kept, to the Tanner.

The New Rabbi says to the Tanner "Make these into something special for my predecessor." The Tanner said that he knew just what to do and to come back in a week.

A week goes by and the New Rabbi stops by the shop and the Tanner handed him a wallet.

The New Rabbi was very upset by this and said "I told you to make something special not common!", "Oh but it IS special", said the Tanner and he took the wallet, started rubbing it, and the wallet turned into a suitcase.

Answer 8

The dirtest joke I ever heard was about a boy falling in the mud! The cleanest joke I ever heard was she gave him a bath!

Answer 9

sorry for no punct.........one day this millionaire was sittng at the country club he seemed miserable a buddy asked him what was up mill. said he was bored he had done everything he knew possible to do so his friend asked him had he ever big game hunted before in reply his friend said no he hadnt so he told him about this hunting lodge in the mountains so he was interested in this so his buddy told him he would set him up with the coordinator of the club...so the ol'boy flew up to the location and got with the coordinator and he set him up with hunting gear and a nice high powered rifle and plenty of ammo. so away he went shortly he seen this big grizzly tapping at the water trying to catch fish for eats the hunter eased up and laid the sights in on him and fired {ka-pow} well when the ruckess settled he looked up only a patch o hair was gone from the bears body he went to re-load when he looked again the bear was gone dangit he said just then he felt a tap on his shoulder he turned to see the bear then the bear whipped up on him and then gang-banged him and run off...very uset the guy went back to the lodge naked the keeper asked him why was he naked ..he said no never mind that set me up again and give me more fire power i got plenty of money and paid the guy off he went again..shortly he seen the same bear again still mad he rattled off all the clips of the ak-47 had and the dust settled sad to say the bear was nowhere to be found all of a sudden he felt a tap again on his shoulder he turned to see the bear and again the bear did the same thing to him ripped his clothes off beat him up and gang-banged him....ashamed and furiously mad he was ranting and raving the keeper asked him again he i dont want to talk about it i want the biggest gun you got i'll give you a million dollars so the guy said its illegal but all i have is a bazooka he said i'll take it away he went for that bear sure 'nuff there he was trying to get him some honey from a hive the hunter aimed and fired {kaaa--boooom} after all the dust settled no bear his head dropped down then he felt this same tap he turned slowly there was the bear -calmly the bear said you ain't in this for the hunting are you boy-.........................................................................................................................................................................one day this guy had a terrible wreck and the steering wheel cut his manly honor off..he stay in a-coma for awhile when he awoke there was a nurse standing at the end of his bed and she asked him did he remember anything he said no why she then promply said she would get the doctor..doctor came in asked him the same such the reply was the same..the dr. told him what had happened to him he raised the sheet and went hysterical the doctor got him calmed down and told him that science was not advanced enough for them to fix his situation at this time try to cope and one day something could advance to help him and others in the future...for about six months he went nuts..finally he went to the doctor and asked if he could help him and he stated that the science dept. at miami university has made advacements in the fields of science and he should inquire with them so he did they talked with him then gave him a physical and found his needs to be extreme because all they were used to was replacing hands and arms or of some nature to that and that they used animal parts but they would check and see what they had a little while later they came back in and told him all they had was an elephant trunk he anything is worth a try so they operated and it was a successso feeling good about himself he got a date and while he and his female companionwas dining she stated that the biquits were quite tasty all of a sudden a trunk came up from under the table grabbed a bisquit and went back down when she saw this she asked him /// WOW /// CAN YOU DO THAT AGAIN !!! he i dont think my butt can take another bisquit right now...............

Answer 10

A distinguished gentleman is walking down the street. A little boy excitedly runs up to him.

Little boy : "Hey mister, you got a banana in your ear!"

Man : "What?"

Little boy : "I said, you got a banana in your ear!"

Man : "Come again?"

Little boy :"YOU GOT A BANANA IN YOUR EAR!!"

Man : "I can't hear you. I've got a banana in my ear."