What is a decent age for teenage sex?

Question

My daughter is currently 16 and has a steady boyfriend of 7 months. She recently came to me and said she plans on having sex with her boyfriend soon. I am extremely glad that she felt comfortable coming to me with this matter but was completely unprepared for it. I was in a similar situation at her age and I feel that I made the wrong choice... I became pregnant with her shortly after my 16th birthday and raised her as a single parent. She knows about this but said she still wants to have sex. I told her it's up to her and her boyfriend but that she should wait until marriage at which point she said "Why? You didn't" I am completely lost at what to tell her, so I guess the question is should teens be having sex at such a young age? Any suggestions on what to tell her? (seeing as personal experience is not a good basis)

Answer 1

Gosh, I'm sure this will sound judgemental. But I'm a little saddened that you have to ask the question, "should teens be having sex at such a young age?"

Don't you know the answer to that? And just because you didn't wait until marriage doesn't mean you should let your daughter have sex with your blessing. Instead, shouldn't you be the one to know from personal experience what the consequences of sex before you're emotionally ready can be?

My suspicion (and prayer) is that you already KNOW exactly what to say. But you're afraid of sounding like a hypocrite, I guess? I agree hypocrisy isn't a good thing, but isn't teen pregnancy worse? What about possible STDs? What about the bond (spiritual and physical) that sex creates between two people? What about the boyfriend getting what he wants and then leaving? That happens when KIDS have sex. And immature adults too...

Tell her you learned the hard way what it's like to have sex before you're ready. And although you wouldn't change it (because if you had changed things, you wouldn't have had her), you probably would've been a lot different as a parent had you been an adult. Ask her to decide if she's ready to possibly be a mom herself, and all the other things that may happen (not to mention just the emotional effects).

Think about what you went through (maybe you have already?) then ask, "should teens be having sex at such a young age?"

I think you know the answer. Best, G.

Answer 2

First of all, it's illegal. She's only 16.

Your answer should have been "No I didn't, and that's why I know better than anyone to wait. I'm not sorry I had you, I just should've had you 5 years later".

I lost my virginity at the age of 21 to another virgin who was a wonderful man I'd been seeing for about 2 years, but married someone totally different at 26. I firmly believe teens should NOT be having sex at all. It's not like kissing, it's not like holding hands. It's a real emotionally intimate experience, especially for girls. It can cause serious problems in a relationship, HIGH risk of STD's, pregnancy, etc.

It acts like a glue holding something together whether or not it's meant to be together. I think it's safe to say these to will eventually break up and move on to other partners. She will have serious scars from being so close to someone and then be without them while they are flirting with other girls. These scars will calus her, and damage her ability to fully give herself and make a good mate when she finally finds the man she wants to marry.

Bottom line, she's too young to handle sex. She's very emotional still, and while waiting until marriage is so 'uncool', she should at least wait until she's engaged and ready to marry. Sex like drinking, should be postponed until you're an adult.

Answer 3

Well, i personally dont think there is any decent age to have sex when youre a teen, but it happens to most and it wouldnt be right for me to frown upon it because that would make me a hypocrite. I know you might not feel so uncomfortable with knowing your daughter is or is going to be doing that, but it is soooo much better than her doing it behind your back and you finding out later down the road really confused. Teens are very rebellious and they will do what they want. That doesnt mean that everything is okay, because its not, but sometimes they need support even if its a situation like this. Because if you tell them you dont want them to do it, they will want to do it even more. And even though you didnt wait until marriage and you got pregnant, its not right for her to use that against you. Times were different back then and you should tell her after she says "why? you didnt!", just say, "thats exactly why i want you to".

Answer 4

Oh Mommy!!! How hard that must have been for you!

You tell her to have respect for herself first. You tell her although you are very proud of her and could not imagine your life without her, you wished you had waited. You tell her you want a better life for her and to see her grow up as a stronger woman than that! If she insists she is going to go thru with this, you tell her all you would ever ask is to make sure she is taking birth control and if necessary buy her condoms. You can also try to scare her with all kinds of stories about STD's. You can also tell her she may get a rep if this boy goes around talking about it!

I have a 16 yo boy. I am a single mom too and I had to have the "talk" with him. I just told him if he did ever decide to have sex, to make sure he uses protection. This day and age, you just never know. It's the STD's or the teenage pregnancies! I was a teenage mom, so I can say that

Answer 5

There is no decent age for teenage sex. The occurrences, situations, episodes all come from the ingredients we started with. Total honesty is the right way; but children are just that... children. They don't intimidate yoiu to justify what they want to go along with in this world 2000. That's the only right answer. Justifications come from what people want to fit where.

Answer 6

I'm a father of 3 girls. 16, 14 and 11. I would like to think that they would not have sex until they were 47 but we know that's impossible. I don't think as a father any age is acceptable to me. They are my girls.

I think maturity and responsibility are the most important thing.

Answer 7

You tell her that you made a mistake on that and you wish you had waited until you were 18 (an adult) and that if you could have done it differently, you would have, for it was wrong to have sex at 16

Answer 8

Tell her simply that it's really not worth doing until they are older anyway because it's not going to be all that good. In fact, she is going to wonder "what the heck was that" after it is over with. It is much better in the 20's and 30's. Plus, teenage sex is wrong wrong wrong.

Answer 9

LET HER SEE THESE ANSWERS AND SEE WHAT SHE THINKS ABOUT THEM,MOST IMPORTANT THING THOUGH WOULD BE TO MAKE SURE THAT SHE KNOWS YOU LOVE HER! ALSO YOU COULD ASK HER TO MAYBE WAITE AT LEAST SEVEN MORE MONTHS OR SOMETHING BECAUSE IF HE IS STILL NOT AROUND THEN HE IS NOT GOING TO BE AROUND WHEN THE BABY IS 2 5 10 20,SHE WILL BE A SINGLE MOM

Answer 10

Why does she want to have sex with him? That's what you should ask her. Is he pressuring her? Is she just wanting to get experience? Get a couple of texts on the subject at the library and the two of you sit and have a serious discussion.

God speed and good luck!