I met someone online YEARS ago.It wasnt until the past month or so we started talking on a regular basis. It was then that I lied about who I was, what I looked like really. I used a picture of a relative instead of revealing my true self because I was ashamed of my looks at this point in life. When I fessed up, EVERYTHING changed immediately. He no longers calls or ims me, emails are like pulling teeth, and now I am leaving the state to live with family in the south due to this and other issues. I have no clue what to do. He really was a very sepcial person to me.
2006-10-29 12:30:34 · 18 answers · asked by kcrobinson03 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
OK I can see from the responses I need to edit the details. I met him 5 years ago online. Recently the conversation has picked up. We revealed things abut ourselves in complete honesty and confidence, BUT when it came time to exchange pictures, I sent him someone else's due to the fact that I didnt think my appearance was what he wanted, and I honestly didnt think i would go as far as it had. Prior to the pictures, we talked A LOT on the phone via email and im. I caught feelings for this guy and he for me. 2 weeks after the picture exchange I admitted that it wasnt me. I in essence lied about what I looked like and becuase of the fact that I lied, things have definitely changed. We have talked since, but he insists that looks are a non issue, but he cannot get past the fact that I lied when I "didnt have to." Now, No more late night conversation/ im/ and the emails have slowed down. What do I do? How do I make it right again? We knew we were right 4 eachother before the lie...
2006-10-29 12:53:25 · update #1
OK I can see from the responses I need to edit the details. We started talking onlne 5 years ago. Recently he admitted to me that he had feelings for me and I him. We hit it off GREAT, better than ever in life to be honest. It was going somewhere before the pictures I sent. Plans to move closer and spend time together etc. I have since sent real pics and met him in person for the first time. He insists looks have nothing to do with it, but that the fact that I lied is what hurt him and if I lied about something minor like that, what else? I never lied about anything else. How do I fix this? Something in my gut says not to let this one go, because if it's even possible, we were completely in love with eachother, but I dont know what to do to make this right. I have no clue.
2006-10-29 12:58:15 · update #2
It's all about integrity my dear, without it, there can be no trust. Without trust, there can be no relationship.
2006-10-29 12:33:49 · answer #1 · answered by Colonel Angus 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well to tell you the truth..it's going to be very hard to re-gain that trust again... Put yourself in his postion.. wouldn't you feel let down because of this lie...and if he really thinks that looks are that important then that means that he doesn't care.. because a good relationship is based on how well you get along with that person, it's not about looks at all...so in a way you really got to know him as well and know now that to him looks are importanat because if they were not important he wouldn't be mad..or ignore you, he would understand that you did eventually told him the truth...don't let it get to you so much... if he is a good man he will contract you, but if he doesn't then that just shows that the person you got to know, isn't really the person he said he was eigther..if you two had alot in commen and got along really well and he isn't going to take that chance forgive you, then his and your relationship wasn't based on how well you got along, it was just by your looks... and you don't need a man that is going to be so shallow like that...You did the right thing to tell the truth so don't let it get to you so much..that right person is just around the corner waiting to spoil you like you should be spoiled and he will love you for you....
2006-10-29 12:48:41 · answer #2 · answered by maria U 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think it may have hurt him that u lied. Why are u ashamed of yourself. You can not change how u were made. Love urself. Look at the features that compliment u and accentuate them. He may be very shallow, and shallow men can ruin a beautiful woman's self esteem b/c we as women think we are not good enough. The next time don't be afraid to send a picture of u b/c if he cares about u and wants to really get to know YOU. He will despite all.
2006-10-29 12:40:32 · answer #3 · answered by HIGHLY FAVORED 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he was very special, why did you lie?
That aside, you need to let him work out those issues. You hurt him, and the person he knew isn't who you really are.
My advice? Don't use him as an excuse to move, though there seem to be other reasons.
Let him work it out, and send him an email explaining that you are very sorry but will be waiting for him if he ever wants to talk.
2006-10-29 12:32:56 · answer #4 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The person you need to regain trust with is not the "special person"; that person is already lost to you. The person you need to gain trust with is yourself! Focus your energy on self-acceptance so you do not repeat the mistake again. Otherwise, you will only form romantic relationships with people who accept phoniness, and trust me, you do not want this!
You sound like you are young enough to learn from this mistake and build a healthier self image in time. If you are well into adulthood, maybe a sympathetic therapist could help you to accept yourself for who you are, and only seek those who accept you for who you are.
2006-10-29 12:37:04 · answer #5 · answered by Pat D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Put yourself in his position. Would you have kept in contact after hearing about all the lies? Once the trust is broken, it's hard to learn to trust that person again. He's always going to doubt what comes out of your mouth.
Good luck
2006-10-29 12:42:10 · answer #6 · answered by ☼ Latina Loca loves Yayo ☼ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1, you should let people see who you really are and stuff if you are chatting online. He could be anyone which is a lil boy to a bad person. You don't know who he really is.. I would forget about that relationship because you guys don't know each other. It was safe that you showed him a dfferent picture
2006-10-29 12:35:46 · answer #7 · answered by roxanne c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is not like buying a bread at the shop. you do not just throw it away and expect to regain it. It may take ten years to work for it but you can loose it in ten seconds and nobody will trust again.
2006-10-29 12:35:46 · answer #8 · answered by sexonsight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's gone, face that fact. You were hoping he'd fall in love with the "inner you", but you lied to him in the process, a big lie. The "inner you" is now a liar to him. Move on, he's gone.
2006-10-29 12:32:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One never start something on a lie because it will never work to you are worth it if he don't like you for you then give it up and find someone who does.
2006-10-29 12:34:25 · answer #10 · answered by Dreah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I don't think he will ever trust you again. I'm sorry that you have to hear that but you have already screwed up the relationship and I really don't think there is any way to change that.
2006-10-29 12:33:35 · answer #11 · answered by XOXOkrazykittyXOXO 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋