She was only about 2 months pregnant and when she found out she had a miscarriage, she also found out they were twins. I feel awful. How should I help her? I just don't want to do anything that makes her upset, but I want her to know I am there for her and thinking of her.
2006-10-29 12:28:47 · 10 answers · asked by tmac 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Thanks for all your answers. She just found out a few days ago, and I didn't know if it would be appropriate to get her a card, or flowers. I guess the best thing would be to just listen.
2006-10-29 12:41:48 · update #1
it is hard to lose a baby, and twins are very rough. I lost twins in March of 2003, and I was very hurt by how my family/friends reacted.
First, the whole, I'm sorry for your loss thing is demeaning. I wanted a shoulder to cry on, and someone to tell me that I was not to blame. I wanted to talk about it, but at my own pace. If I were you I would tell her that you are there for whatever she needs, and that all she hs to do is ask. It might take a while, but I'm sure it will b appriciated.
2006-10-29 12:33:44 · answer #1 · answered by Playful_Pandora 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a good friend. I can certainly answer this question for you. The worst thing of all that you could do would be to ignore her pain. Some people think that they do not want to upset you further so they just won't mention it. That makes the person feel like you are ignoring it, like it didn't matter and that really hurts.
What you want to do is to tell her what you just told me. Let her know how terribly sorry you are, tell her that you feel for her. DO NOT tell her that it was probably for the best, or that there must have been something wrong with the babies.....do not tell her "oh, don't worry, you can have more".........no baby takes the place of another, it is not a puppy. That line cuts to the quick.
Just follow your heart, let her know how much you care and that you are really sorry for her loss. Let her talk about it if she wants to. You would be surprised how much it helps just to have someone listen. Too many people will try to "hush" you. Either they don't want to hear it cause it will make them sad, or they think it will make the mother feel worse. Believe me talking is very healing. If she cries let her, give her a shoulder to cry on.
Most of all, be her friend. Let her know that you are there for her. That is what real friends do and it sounds like she is lucky to have a good friend in you.
Love and Blessings
Lady T~
2006-10-29 12:40:39 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Trinity 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then tell her that you are there for her and you are thinking of her! If you haven't had a miscarriage then don't tell her that "you know how she feels". Just be there and support her and listen to her if she needs to talk. Be there to give a hug if she needs one. If you feel that she needs more help than you can give make sure you help her do that too!
I am sure she is going through a very hard time.
All you can do is be there if she needs you.
2006-10-29 12:38:10 · answer #3 · answered by msnite1969 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you are there for her and thinking of her.
Just make sure she knows you're willing to talk or listen or whatever she needs. Tell her every now and then so she knows you're still there.
You could write her a letter saying how sorry you are for her, and that she can talk to you anytime, if it's hard to just come out and say it. Just don't say you know how she feels. If she wants to talk after that she'll come to you.
2006-10-29 12:32:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing would just be to tell her you're sorry & let her know that if she needs to talk you're willing to listen. That is indeed a difficult situation as it's hard to know what to do.
2006-10-29 14:10:20 · answer #5 · answered by dmommab@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for her loss. Let her know that you are there for her if she wants to talk or if she needs anything. She's going to need your friendship and support more now than ever.
Good luck!
2006-10-29 12:40:05 · answer #6 · answered by Angie P. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just be there for her and if she needs to talk listen its a hard thing to go through and time is what is needed let her cry on your shoulder when she needs to she is lucky to have a friend like you and good luck
2006-10-29 12:35:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There isn't really anything you can do. She will have to grieve in her own way and deal with it herself. Don't pity her. Keep living life normally but when she needs you, be there. Hope this helps.
2006-10-29 12:33:13 · answer #8 · answered by Jules 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just tell her that you are there for her and when and if she needs someone you will always be there.
2006-10-29 12:36:03 · answer #9 · answered by chairkiss_silver 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just talk to her when she needs it and never bring it up unless she is comfortable to do so
2006-10-29 12:31:01 · answer #10 · answered by Victoria 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋