Very close relationship with my mother until 7 years ago. I had my name removed from the roles of the Seventh day Adventist church. She was very angry...told me if I rejected the beliefs of their church I was rejecting her and my father...tried to maintain the relationship but was always being condemned (they believe you go to hell if you leave their church). She even hurt my children by not showing up for things important to them.
One year ago, she became angry because I wouldn't go to Hawaii with all the Adventist relatives she said, "you just don't want to be part of the family." She made it so. Silent treatment for two weeks..didn't tell me my grandfather had surgery twice...changed plans to spend Christmas with us..left our gifts in a garbage while we were away...then wants to know "what's the matter with me?"
Something happens every 2-3 weeks. I am always walking on eggshells. I have been very happy with no communication. She is the same...always right!!!
2006-10-29 12:28:12 · 13 answers · asked by dixiemade 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think you know the answer to this one already. Why can't you accept your own authority on this question? That is the more important question to ask!
2006-10-29 12:31:56 · answer #1 · answered by Pat D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mum is being really unreasonable. She may be upset if you left the church, but she (particularly as your mum) should accept your opinion and individuality, what ever her point of view. Even if she decided not to talk to you regularly, It is totally APPALLING to treat your children in this way and to not tell you if your grandfather had surgery is also genuinely appalling. My Grandmother was like this to my mum, and unfortunately there is very little that you can do when a person is convinced that everything that they do is completely justified. It may seem really sad as she is your mum, but remaining out of contact, even if for a short while may be the best thing for your sanity. She has to realize that what she has done is completely wrong.
2006-10-29 22:52:04 · answer #2 · answered by oliver s 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK woah! I'm confused. In your opening question, I thought that it was your Mother who wanted to reconcile, but then in your details it sounds like it's HER WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!
Under the circumstances, who can blame you for choosing the highway.
Your parents sound very controlling & manipulative. It's funny how the Church seems to teach us how to do that isn't it ?
I think that maybe it's your turn to take charge, & tell her the way it's going to be.
If it was me, I would say to my parents that " I am gratefull for the strong & worthy values that you taught me, but I have chosen to separate from the church & that is that". If she continues with her all or nothing position, then " I will choose NOTHING!"
"Either learn to respect my decisions in all matters regarding my private life or we go separate ways."
Depositing Christmas gifts in the garbage is about as disrespectful as it gets.
I would also say, that "I am fed up with walking on eggshells around you, & I am not going to do it anymore." I would say " I respect your choice of faith & don't condemn or ridicule you for it, & I expect my parents to do the same for me."
If this is the way the Seventh Day Adventist Church teaches their followers to treat their own family, then it is not too suprising that you want to be away from it.
No you aren't under any obligation to succumb to extortion, manipulation, & hurtfull treatment. Especially if it comes from your family.
Forgive them, for they are sinners.
2006-10-29 20:51:21 · answer #3 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you do restore the relationship, only on your terms. Religions are a business, and usually only engulf people that can't think independantly. If you have been fortunate enough to realize that this (as are all) religion is a scam, please stick with your feelings. You should pity your parents because they don't have the ability to think independantly, but still try to respect them as long as they don't terrorize you psychologically. If the psycho-terror continues, better break off contact so that your children can grow up with one less trauma.
2006-10-29 20:36:02 · answer #4 · answered by Sanmigsean 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to. As much as we all want to inherit perfect parents, not everyone gets them. If you are a better person when you aren't talking, then it's okay to not talk.
Not very extensive advise, I know, but truly, you don't have to believe all the hype about "communicating" and giving everyone a second( and third and forth) chance. Sometimes, you can be a better person, and teach your kids better lessons if you keep them away from the "fruitiness".
2006-10-29 20:32:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I am not religious but do believe in god I do not feel that if one doesnt go to church that they will go to hell. So I dont know much about this religion but I dont think this is something your parents should be angry with you about to where they disown you and your children. I know their your family but I wouldnt worry about it you have the right to not be apart of this religion. Be mad at her for choosing this over you and her grandkids.
2006-10-29 20:34:56 · answer #6 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, because love, like respect, has to be earned - in a sense. I believe love is conditional, but to a certain extent: For example, you do not have to love your mother because she is your mother. If your mother is causing such problems in your life, then do not talk to her. If you're happy without communication, don't communicate.
2006-10-29 20:33:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think both of you are just playing "too proud" for both your own good, just sit down over a cup of coffee and seriously discuss things over, religious belief should not be force in ones throat and disageement about it is not a reason to forget that you only have one mother in this world and the only one you will ever have in your lifetime, remember there is one instant in your life for a period of nine mos. that only one persons in this world who give you a chance to be where you are now, if you know what i mean but you are really better off to be in good relationship with her and also with your relatives, you don't have to be a 7th day daventist just a relative for the sake of your kids, too.
2006-10-29 20:35:43 · answer #8 · answered by livinhapi 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you don't have to restore a relationship with your mother if you don't want to. it seems like your mother is quick to tell you, you are doing something wrong. if you are happy without communication from your mother then leave it like that. let her know that's how you want things to be until she can stop judging you. you're an adult, do as you please!
2006-10-29 20:32:52 · answer #9 · answered by S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would you associate with someone that behaved like that toward you if they were not related to you? That's your answer! My mom is "always right", too.
2006-10-29 20:33:41 · answer #10 · answered by OOO! I know! I know! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋