I got engaged to my wonderful partner last June. We are both very shy and the pressure from his family regaurding wedding plans got to me especially as I grew up in New Zealand and have only been living in his country for two years and have no really support or assets with which to put on a big do. In the end my now husband and I decided to leg it back to a lovely village a few hours away where I had lived and worked for a time for a small xmas eve wedding in the local registery office. Unfortunately there were dis agreements over the arrangments and two days before we were set to get hitched his sister rang us to condemn our wedding and her approval of any further celebrations. We went anyway but told all his family that we had call it off which has deliberated much guilt. Whilest at the same time all my family know and are pleased . So now how do we throw a celebration? I personaly hate the lies but it's so important to my husband that he doesn't rock the family boat.?
2006-10-29 12:13:26 · 15 answers · asked by zoe o 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Oh my gosh you are my hero. Ha ha! I met my now husband while living in Las Vegas. I'm from Canada, and my dad was living in Vegas at the time with my Stepmom. When he proposed, and I said yes, things were stirred up in our family.... but they bit their tongue and helped me plan most of our wedding. Come March, (we were getting married in May), my family confessed to me that they didn't like the idea of us getting married, that they hated him, and they would never consider him part of the family. This led to several events including having my stepmother lock my wedding accessories (veil, shoes, etc) in her car so I couldn't take them, and her calling the store where I ordered my wedding dress and had them put a sticky note on it saying not to give the dress to me. And they wouldn't! I was dressless, stressed out, and exhausted with my hating family! Why wouldn't they just accept my fiance? My future husband? Family! My dreams of a fabulous wedding were quickly swirling down the can, and I had a talk with my significant other, and we decided to elope the beginning of April, only a month early of our original date. We knew it would cause big stress, and I severely wondered if my parents would ever talk to me again. Well we eloped at the court house downtown (that is the cheapest way!) and moved into our first apartment later that same day! Ha ha. It was really stressful, and my parents were very disappointed, and sad, and angry, and a whole lot of other things. But you know what? They got over it. Everything heals with time. And understanding. I thought finally when my husband and I were official, he was family, and they could take him or leave him, but whatever happened I still had him. People change and heal, and they are talking to me now. My husband and I have been married almost 2 years now, so it didn't take too long. I'm sure that your family will understand--follow your heart. It's the best choice. I made that choice, and it was hard, but you know what? Totally worth it. Now I have a wonderful husband, a 9 month old son, and the rest of my family is joining in. People understand. Don't worry about everyone else, do what's best for YOU.
2006-10-29 12:29:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dang girl! This sounds like a soap opera. You need to just bite the bullet and let it be know that you two are married. So what his sister disagrees, he's not married to her, he's married to you. The family is either going to happy or angry. You already know they are going to be angry so go for it. I mean you both are adults right? Ther is no reason why you shouldn't have been legally married right? If everything is on the up and up and the only problem is his sister not caring for you then tell her to kiss your a..! But I'm sure you have other friends and family who will be very happy for you.
Good Luck and Congrats!
2006-10-29 20:22:03 · answer #2 · answered by WillLynn 1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell your families straight out. Considering the circumstances, don't bother with any celebration now, it's way too late. You had the wedding you chose, so cherish those memories. Enjoy your marriage and being together, that's what counts most.
2006-10-29 20:36:24 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them there was too much drama and they were putting way too much pressure on both of you, so you decided to do it your way and if they are happy about it...then they can throw you a "real" wedding where all you two have to do is show up and say your vows over again.
2006-10-29 20:19:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not honest about this, it will be difficult to be honest about other things in the future.
Host an anniversary party. If someone doesn't want to attend, then so be it.
Just tell people and let the chips fall. If they can't accept that, then it's out of your hands. If someone refuses to acknowledge your marriage then that's their issue to deal with, not yours.
Good luck
2006-10-29 23:07:41 · answer #5 · answered by Cinnamon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't want to rock the family boat, yet he wants to lie to his own family. Tell him to grow a set, tell his family, and be proud and supportive of his marriage and wife.
2006-10-29 23:02:50 · answer #6 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them:
"We got married last Christmas, here are the pictures."
Somebody's boat is going to get rocked; you lied and now it's time to pay for it.
2006-10-30 01:58:28 · answer #7 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not really sure, but my one thought is what happens when you all get pregnant, isn't that gonna cause more waves if they think you are unmarried then to just tell them the truth that you all ran off and eloped? I think eloping is romantic.
2006-10-29 20:27:17 · answer #8 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
who cares what other people said? you are married by your own free will and expenses. people criticized all the time anyway. if not your runaway wedding, then something else will come up. even the most perfect wedding will have its own critics. if they can't accept it, too late..
2006-10-29 23:34:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you and your husband TOGETHER need to tell them. As for any future celebrations... Celebrate your heart out. If they join, AWESOME, if they choose not to... it's their loss, not yours. Eventually they will come around, don't let their disapproval bother you. And your husband needs to stand up for you to them. YOU DIDN"T HOLD A GUN TO HIS HEAD!!!! (if you did, your on your own j/k)
2006-10-29 20:19:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋