How do you get relatives to stay out of your business?

Question

My Grandmother is constantly putting her two sense in where my children are concerned. When I try to discipline them she will argue with myself or my husband in front of the children and completely undermind us. I can't raise my children the way I need to when she keeps underminding me in front of my children. They end up not respecting me and they won't listen to anything I say. It's obvious my Grandmother doesn't even respect me since she continues to do this no matter how much I ask her not to. I yelled at her this morning for it because I am tired of it. It has to stop! I don't want her advice. She raised losers. My mother hates me because I look like my father. She disowned me and called me a beaner when I was growing up. She also beat me. I have an uncle that molested me and another one that is a druggie and alcoholic. The only thing that saved my other uncle was the military. He was always in jail. I have another uncle and an aunt and they are both weird. She raised these people

I just wanted to state that my Grandmother does not live with me. She does however live in a house across the street.

Answer 1

when tell the grandmother that you have a shotgun and a shovel and nobody's gonna miss her. LOL, wouldn't that be nice? The baby books for the children should have what was the worst advice you receive and put her two cents in the book and show it to her. Tell her that you understand that she raised children in the past, but it's your time now. My father molested me, and If his family has anything to say I said you raised a "great" person who by the way to remind you has an attraction to small kids

Answer 2

Why is she around all the time? Does she live with you?

I think I would say something like, "Grandma, I appreciate you're just trying to help, but you need to respect that I am the mother of these children, and they need to listen to me."

I would leave out the part about her not being a winner when it comes to raising kids. There is nothing that she can do about it now, and those adults you mentioned all have free will to make changes in their lives, just like you, even if you have made better choices.

Answer 3

To me it sounds like you are living with Grandma. If you are, kudos, but maybe you should look into someone else taking care of her. If you don't have a choice in the situation, sit down with Grandma and tell her that you love her, but when you need advice, you will ask her. Inform her it is your turn to raise children and things are different from the way they were when she was raising children. Explain what effect it is having with your relationship with your kids, you and your husband and your relationship with her. I would not throw her past in her face, that will only turn things negative and she will resent you for that. Also, if you are the one providing for her explain that to her. In a way that states you obviously have the responsibility enough to do that, therefore you can take care of your family. All of it. Good Luck!

Answer 4

This only applies if you aren't living with her.....

Sit her down when your kids aren't with you. Tell her everything you've just told us - though be a bit more diplomatic. Even though she may have raised losers, if she tried her best she can't take the blame for the choices these people made in their lives. Let her know that though you love her, these are YOUR children, and if she continues to correct you and undermine your authority in front of them you'll have no choice but to limit her contact with them.

Be respectful, she IS your Grandmother - but also be firm.

I wish you good luck with her and a lifetime of happiness with your kids...

Answer 5

I'm sorry you are in this situation. My mother-in-Law was the same way. My husband and I without the kids sat down and had a heart to heart talk with her. We calmly and nicely told her the best that we could that we love her but if she couldn't follow our rules than she wouldn't be apart of our lives are our children's. She said she didn't like it but she would do it for the kids.

Answer 6

I think that is a really bad situation for you to be in. If you have told her and she doesn't listen, so that will not work. I would limit the amout of time you spend with her. Stick to short visits and hopefully that helps with the situation. I have a mother in law that is way to much to get into now, but we just limit, limit the time we spend with her. It is basically birthdays and holidays, it never solves the problem but she will never listen either so the less time we spend with her the better.

Answer 7

Honestly....it doesn't sound like your family is good for you or your children at all. You might need to make a clean break from them and raise them with your husband alone. How is his family? Are they better? Spend more time with them in a better environment. Your family has made it clear that they don't respect you or your wishes, and you have no obligation to let them see you or your family until they clean up their act.

Answer 8

Must be an epidemic!!!! The only way that you can keep your sanity is to sit her down when the children are not there & tell her exactly what you are feeling. These are your kids, not hers. You may need to tactfully remind her of that little fact.

Answer 9

To answer your direct question: raise your kids somewhere they're not.

The rest of your post suggests you've got some issues you need to get straightened real soon so you can be the kind of parent you want to be. You might want to consider some kind of counseling or assistance.

Best of luck.

Answer 10

Just tell her thanks but no thanks. Let her know you appreciate the advice but you and your husband want to try to handle this on your own and if you need help you will let her know. Also tell her it is hard for the kids to take you seriously when she under minds you in front of them.

If this doesn't work you might have to be a bit less tactful. Good Luck!