HELP!! I have slept with my best friends boyfriend !!!?

Question

I met this guy in a club one night ,he was very cute ,and i ended up going back to his .Things began to happen and before i knew it we ended up in bed !! I admit that i knew he had a girlfriend .I was wrong and i admit that .I saw this guy again about 6 more times untill i realised that it was wrong and unfair on his kids and girlfriend !
The real problem now is they moved about 2 mins from my house that same guy and his girlfriend ,and in the 2 years they lived there me and his girlfriend have become best friends .We do everything together We are always out and now her boyfriend hates me for taking her away from him ,and keeps bribeing me that he will tell her what had happend all that time ago if i keep taking her away from him ..I feel so guilty i dont know what to do i would never do that to her now ,it was nearly 7 years ago and i am married with a lovely little girl and have grown up .Should i tell her first ? or deny it ??? HELP

Answer 1

i'm not sure how that works out good for him. apart from unloading the guilt, and it doesn't sound like he feels guilty. he was the one who cheated on his girl and it doesn't sound like you seduced him, he didn't find it difficult to do. i'd take some of the blame off yourself then, because it's been so long. he definately isn't much of a catch and if it does come out and she leaves him, it's probably a good thing for her not to be with a blackmailer anymore. the trouble is, if you tell her she might not believe you and then you lost her for no reason. i would just keep doing what your doing, be a good friend to her. if she comes to you tell her the truth, and say it was so long ago, and you didn't know her then and you'd never do it to her now. that there was never a good time to tell her. maybe in a letter so you can be sweet with it, and take your time. cos she may not let you finish. if i was your friend i would stay your friend, even after. but i might lose the guy. so it might not go how you think.

Answer 2

First I don't think he will tell, he will be cutting his own throat. You should not fall for his bluff. Do not ever volunteer anything about this to her, ever. If he ever were to tell her, you should just be honest, but worry about that when the time come. You will never rest if you lied to her point blank. It more than likely won't happen just be prepared to tell her if the truth ever surfaces. You admitted being wrong, be a woman and tell the truth you owe her that much.
Now, what is the real reason you have become so close to her?
Are you confusing your guilt with true friendship? Would you ever have became friends with this woman if you had not known her boyfriend? Are you maybe getting back at him through her, think about it for a minute, I mean from your soul! What ever the reason, that is a VERY STICKY situation. Can you just back out gradually? She has other friends doesn't she? I think it would hurt her more if you prolonged the friendship, then she found out. She will think you were hanging around cause of him. No matter what you were to say to her, she would always think that.
You should get out of the triangle, for your own good. Nothing good will ever come of it. It was not meant to be. You are forcing destiny because of your own guilt.

Answer 3

This is a very tough situation. I wouldn't deny it even if it seems convenient because it betrays your friend. For all you knew he had a horrible preson as his girlfriend at the time. I would hope that your husband knows though because otherwise this will be worse coming out (although he has probably made his share of mistakes in these types of decisions too). If this guy tells his girlfriend it is much worse for him i would think. It is he who cheated, not you. And at the very least you ended up making the right decision by leaving him.

He is also being quite hypocritical in a sense but why is he trying to convince you he will tell his girlfriend about being unfaithful if he wants her around more often? It seems dumb on his part but it could still hurt your relationship with her.

Sometimes it is years before we have to pay for mistakes.

Maybe this is unavoidable in the long run, but i suggest you make a compromise with the guy. If he loves her and you value her friendship this could be better left unknown to your friend. This may mean that for her sake you may have to at least cut down on time spent with her. Or alternatively try being better friends with the guy so that he does not feel any anger or dislike towards you.

Unfortunately the solution may be as unpretty as the truth in this case. You know better than anyone how she would react to this knowledge. I hope she values your friendship as you do, so that despite knowing she would still want you to remain her friend. I think if you asked for her forgiveness she may give it to you in any case. And thats what i would hope happens if she found out.

Good luck :)

Answer 4

Get it over with. Tell her... it was before you were married and it was seven years ago. I could not take the harassment from the BF. I would have to tell her just to shut him up! Warn her that you have some news that may be hard to hear... give her a minute to prepare herself. Tell her that you dated her BF seven years ago about six times and tell her you knew at some point there was a girlfriend and then stopped seeing him. Kind of blur that statement... don’t indicate you slept with him unless she asks. If she does, say, "Well yes, we were dating." Tell her you are sorry you have kept this from her but you cared about her so much and you were afraid to hurt her. Dont rag on the BF... just tell her what YOU did and dont call him to warn him about it. If you tell him ahead of time, it could look like you are still bonded and connected if you cared enough to let him know. Let us know how it goes!

Answer 5

I can't believe he's still bringing it up! Why would he want to admit he has been unfaithful just to cause problems. If it comes open, just deny knowing he had a girlfriend. I don't think he will though I think it's just the empty dirtbag threats of an insecure manboy

Answer 6

If you are married and have moved on from him you should tell her exactly what happen. You cant turn back the hands of time but u can make things right for you and her. and move on with ya life without the guilt

Answer 7

If you didn't know her then, you didn't betray her. But now you are by hiding the fact from her. I think he's bluffing but maybe you should tell her. Tell her you love and value her and you need to get things out. Make it clear you didn't know her, and say you thought he was single and when you found out you broke it off (ok so put that little spin on it). Tell her you wanted to tell her sooner but didn't want to hurt her and you're telling her now because you think she should know.

Answer 8

if you guys are really good friends, then you should tell her first. it way much more better than that guy to tell her first. cause he'll just make it a lot worse than if you tell her. although both ways would make things bad but its better if she knew it now than another 7 year and you tell her, things will just get way worst.

Answer 9

relax....let's face it, you are a drama queen....you like the adventure or you would not do it. You do the crying, you do the admitting that you f***d your best freinds guy. Isn't it exciting? You may even get a fist fight and you must cry and pull hair. Life can be that way. Let's admit, you like it.

Answer 10

how can he tell on you when he was the one who cheated on her? I dont think he'll tell on himself. but I would never have made friends with this girl in the first place.