Weddings..?

Question

OK I'm blown away buy reading some of the wedding questions...what happened to a simple pretty wedding. Why does society put such a price tag on it that it has to be such a huge blowout and people have to break the bank just to pay for a dress that is worn for two hour tops, a reception that, unless someone gets drunk and makes a fool of theirselves no one will remember, and pictures that possibly could turn out like crap...what happened to using money to put a downpayment on a house? I guess I miss the old days where people got married becasue they loved each other and it didn't matter how fancy it was, what is this world coming too and what is it going to be like when my daughter and son are old enough to get married?

I'm not telling any one how to have or not have their wedding, and yes I do think the trend of having large fancy wedding is becoming a fad. I just think it's sad that people have lost the focus of a wedding...to join two people who love each other, not to see how much money they can spend.

I guess I've ruffled some feathers!! OK for starters this is my opinion and if you don't like or can't handle other people's opinions then you don't need to be reading qusetions.

And for everyone's info, just in case you're wondering..my wedding cost maybe $500 dollars is was very beautiful and the marriage has lasted over 13 years.

Answer 1

I want a simple, no frill, money managable wedding. Its one day-the start of the rest of my life with my partner and there is no way that I am starting it in debt cause of a dress and flowers.

Answer 2

A lot of it boils down to tradition. Catholic weddings tend to be huge, week long events; Atheist weddings tend to be smaller, Justice of the Piece type affairs. People with large, rich families don't mind blowing the money, but there is also pressure on those with a lower income to "live up" to the ideal, which is of course as close as one can come to the Cinderella wedding.

But I think the recent upswing in uber-expensive weddings is just another reflection of the gradually worsening importance placed on the material over the spiritual and familial in today's society.

What's ironic is that most of those who spend so much on their weddings are going to be spending twice that much on divorces.

"Wedding Story" is a popular show on cable. There is a "Bride" magazine, and from the time girls are very little, grandiose weddings are romanticized for them in movies and other media, so it's not hard to understand why they might buy into the hype.

I have seen some spectacular weddings and some simple, charming weddings and enjoyed both equally.

I hold no ill will toward those who have the money to spend, but I do commend those who have enough sense to be frugal about it.

There are many people out there whose parents pay for their wedding, and they have good enough jobs to buy their own house. I remember when that used to be the groom's responsibility.

Wouldn't it be nice if people put as much time and effort into making their marriage work as they put into their weddings?

As Steven Tyler was wont to say..."Dream On, Dream On..."

Answer 3

I totally agree! My fiance and I have been engaged for 3.5 years and are in no hurry to get married. We don't plan on having a wedding- just a court house ceremony. And the money my mom said she'd pay for a wedding IS going towards a downpayment on a house. Seems like the smart thing to do- especially since weddings are all about the bride and I'm not into all that stuff. We are living together and are practically married (just not by law) and we don't care that other people want us to have a huge wedding!

-I don't know why I have 2 thumbs down! Just b/c someone doesn't agree with it doesn't mean I'm wrong.

Answer 4

KitiKat, I agree totally with what you are saying. Wedding have become a production, a play of sorts. The bride is the director, and her poor parents are the producers. I understand because I was a bride long years ago, that you want to have a beautiful memorible wedding, but to spend countless thousands is crazy. I use to do weddings for a living, and believe I have seen some waste of money. I was a planner, and some Brides don't understand that money just doesn't grow on trees.

My daughter recently got married, she wanted to go off and get married. Her husband wanted a wedding. Compromised a small wedding with close family and friends. They exchanged vows under 2 beautiful trees, and with a picnic reception. It was beauiful, and I did spend more on the wedding than I wanted, but I wanted her and her husband to have the most wonderful day possible. I had the money and gave her a budget. We paid for everything, the bridesmaid dresses, shoes, purses, jewerly, hotel rooms for everyone, I couldn't ask college kids who are broke come up with a couple of hundred dollars for everything that they would have needed. I did this. I spent $10,000, yes that's a enormous amount. But, wait that's honeymoon clothes, my families new clothes for rehearsal dinner and wedding, shoes, gas, rental of the house they got married at, food and breakfast for the whole bridal party for 2 days. Gas money, because the happy couple was married 4 1/2 hours away from home. So, some of us had to spend 3 nights in an hotel. The actual wedding would not have been but a couple of thousands, but I took it upon myself to pay for all that I could.

I don't think bridesmaid should have to pay for the priviledge to be anyone's wedding. That's the bride's duty to pay for the dresses and expenses. That's how I feel. Why do the bride ask you to buy a dress that won't see daylight again, and it's cost is crazy. The dress my daughter picked out were dresses that they could rewear to a party. We saved money where ever we could, because again we were paying for all their needs. Would I do it again, in a heartbeat. The money could have been used for a down payment on a home, yes, it would have been a better way to use it. But to see my daughter and new son-in-law turn with those precious smiles on her face was priceless. That picture is etched into my heart forever.

I could have saved most of that money, and made everyone pay for their costs, but again, I don't think you ask someone to pay to be in your wedding. Oh, by the way..Your $500 wedding was expense compared to mine. I think Mom spent maybe $250 if that much, that's including the bridesmaid's dresses. Guess what, our low budget weddings have brought us many years of happiness...I am working on 26 years now. 27 in February.....

I miss the old days too, the celebration of 2 people joining their lives..without all the fuss and pomp. My daughter's was a celebration and with the picture of her in my heart it was worth it.
Surround by family and friends, who really cared to make a 4 1/2 hour journey to be there for the couple. And a proud Momma with a empty purse, but it was a fun filled weekend for everyone.
So, not only did we have a beautiful wedding but a mini vacation.
For less than some Brides pay for just the wedding dress and veil. Thank you for the question, and sorry you are getting so much flack about it. I agree totally! Start saving now Mom, your daughter and son will be walking down the aisle before you know itit, but I don't think you have to worry to much. With a sensible Mom like yourself, they will know what's important in the wedding cermoney, the joining of a man and woman....not breaking Mom and Dad's bank account.


God bless us all..............

Answer 5

It's the "me,me,me" selfish generation we live in.
Some people require a "big show".

We had a wedding that was paid in full before it started. The best gift a new couple can give to themselves is to be debt free.

Invest in your marriage, not a single wedding day. I know people exactly like that and they do live in apartments. Often wondering why they don't have this or that or own a home.

Decisions, big or small, can have a big impact on the rest of your life.

Answer 6

I don't think expensive wedding are anything new really. I mean, back in the day $10k was way too much, now it's the norm. I think it's not that people are necessarily spending more, but rather people make more now.

Yes some who spend a lot put more emphasis on material things and not the marriage itself, but not all. We actually spent more on our ceremony than our reception because to us, that was the important part, and what we wanted everyone to remember; but all together we only spent about $5k. I had everyone coming up to me the entire night commenting on how beautiful it was, and how they thought we spent $10-15k on it.

My personal opinion; it's the couple's wedding, and it should be a reflection of them and they should spend what they are comfortable with. My husband and I could have spent more, but we while we wanted a nice beautiful wedding, we are cheap a$$e$ and we didn't want to have to save all our money, and we sure as heck didn't want to take out any loans, so we just relied on my bargaining and crafty skills. lol

Answer 7

I think it may just be that people planning simple weddings don't need to ask as many questions. My wife and I got married at a small church, commissioned a simple but appropriate cake from the local grocery, and reserved a section of a local restaurant for the reception - didn't spend anywhere near that $18,000 cost they say weddings are averaging these days. But since that took a lot less planning too, I suspect the people who plan that sort of wedding are less likely to be online asking questions.

Answer 8

I agree that people put a huge price tag on weddings.....I got married this year and spent around $6,000, and that was being frugal. I can see your point of view....it made me sick to think of the money that was essentially wasted on one day.....however, then I realized that it was our wedding....the most special day in my life thus far.....and I would have a photographer (even though they are outrageously priced) to capture the special moments....and I would have a memorable CEREMONY vs. reception.....our reception wasn't anything great, but our ceremony was and that's what SHOULD matter.......my dress was more than I wanted it to be, but I got more than two hours wear out of it - I had it on 6+ hours on our wedding day.........

Answer 9

I mostly agree. Maybe most people won't remember the reception...but the bride and groom will. The rest sounds good, though. I see no point in paying so much. But to each his own, right? I think any type of wedding is a celebration of love....so whatever makes the couple happy (as long as it doesn't break the bank)!

Answer 10

If someone finds a dress they love and have no problem paying whats on the pricetag, no problem for me.

The reception will always be remember. Even if its only by the bride and groom, who cares, its for THEM anyway.


IMO marriages have an effect on more people than just the bride and groom, if people want to share their experience with family, more power to them. I come from a huge, very close family. I cant imagine getting married and NOT including them, its just not something thats done in my family and thats fine with me.