I can not understand my mom, please help!?

Question

My mother is the kind who puts on an act for the world. One min she is the nicest mom who ever lived and then the next she is threatening me to move out. I know she loves me but sometimes I wonder what she is thinking. For example, she complains that I do not communicate with her well enough. I call her and tell her where I go and what I am doing. I do not know what else she wants from me. She never tells me exactly what she wants. She will just yell at me and assume that I understand what she wats me to do. Please tell me that there is something I can do to prove myself to her and allow her to see that I am trying to make her happy. I have tried talking to her but that only makes her become defensive and angry. Please Help.

btw I am 18 and she is 49

Answer 1

Lots of moms are idiots. It's just part of life. Believe me, you're not being singled out here.

Answer 2

Maybe it's hormones, peri-menopause and menopausal symptoms can make women feel witchy and confused. That's why they call it the "change."

If that's not it, maybe she's scared about you growing up and the ensuing changes she will be forced to encounter. This is a time where she really needs to examine her new goals and just assure her of your love. Maybe the two of you can take a class or two together to learn something new. Consider cooking, financial planning, communication skills, floral arranging, making memory books, creative writing, etc. You could volunteer together somewhere, even sports and exercise (yoga,etc.) can be a welcome change. Life is always more interesting when people pursue new challenges.

Answer 3

She sounds to me like she is scared she is losing control of you. Sometimes it helps to write a letter and list the things that are bothering you....and ask her to write one back doing the same. Ask her to write down what she wants from you. Tell her that is so that you won't forget it....so that she won't get defensive. I did this with my daughter when she was a teenager and it really did help. She is 28 now...I saved all those letters and we talked about them one day recently. Moms feel like they are supposed to know it all and be perfect sometimes and its scary to realise that you can't do all that. Try that out and keep asking questions on here....that will help to hear people's viewpoints...like you are not the only one who has gone through this. Good luck!

Answer 4

Sweetie, the first thing you need to tell yourself is that it is not your job to "make" anyone else happy. Just by existing, children bring love and joy that is unmeasurable. If in your Mother's personality she needs you to "prove" your love for her then that is a flaw in her -NOT YOU! Tell her that you love her, and that you hope she always finds (her own) happiness.
And, my last peice of advice: remember that communicating is more than telling her where you are going...it is telling her your hopes, your dreams, your feelings, and your fears. The more she knows that you are becoming someone she is proud to have raised, the more she will be able to relax, and be happy.

Answer 5

It's sometimes very difficult to deal with a parent who comes across as a tyrant. She sounds like she is miserable about something else and you are easy to use as a scapegoat. Try telling her that you cannot be responsible for her problems unless she makes her desires known. There may be very good reasons for her being upset, unfortunately they do not include you. When things qiet down, try asking her whats bothering her because she is being unrealistic about you.

Answer 6

It sounds like you Mom is an unhappy person. There is probably nothing you can do to make it better. The best thing you can do for your own safety is to avoid fighting with her. When she goes on one of her yelling rants ask her nicely if she is feeling OK? By doing this, you are pointing out to her that her yelling is not normal behavour. It also shows that you are concerned about her.

Answer 7

your mum could be going through a mid life crisis or meno-pause. Maybe it's time for you & your mum to have a talk.. seriously. You shud try to start with - mum, you've been different these past few weeks. What's bothering you/what have been on your mind?
You also need to understand that you & your mum are completely two different people. Think hard & you'll be able to find a way to talk to your mum. She did give birth to you & raised you .... Good luck!

Answer 8

Did you like peep into my life or something!OMG! I can totally relate. Here's my remedy when dealing with un-pleasable mothers. It's the same with any person you feel like you can't please. You weren't put on this earth to please her! Do what you gotta do to keep her out of your face for a minute. I don't know how old you are but if your like me you only have until May to deal with it. Just keep your head up and remember you are not here to please anyone but you. Give her your best and if your best ain't good enough for her then maybe she doesn't deserve a daughter like you.

Answer 9

Maybe you should try talking to again to see how she feels. I know you feel that it may be impossible to approach her, but you'll never know unless you try. Take a deep breath and gather your thoughts, then come to her gently and respectfully and talk to her about all of your misunderstandings. You will be surprised to know that a lot of things can be cleared up through simple conversation.

Answer 10

How about some kind of counselor/mediator? Maybe insurance will pay for it. If anyone is threatening to move out of their family, help is needed.

Answer 11

It would help if I knew your age and hers.
When she acts this way, maybe walk away and give her some time to cool down? If you are an adult, I would not be living with her.
She may need to speak with a professional.