Ever since my dad walked out 5 years ago it has just been me keeping my mother company. But now that i am grown up I've realized that my mom is a pessimist, complains all the time, has a very short fuse, dosent drink or smoke- so she wont socalize with anyone who does so- and dosent have or WANT religon in her life.
HOW CAN I KEEP HER FROM LIVING A LIFE OF COMPLETE ISOLATION???
2006-10-29 11:19:30 · 11 answers · asked by ??ThiNk PiNk?? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It's hard to lose a spouse..some people get over it quickly and some don't. It sounds like she may have clinical depression which woud explain the pessimism, complaining, social isolation, and irritability. Hormones could also be causing mood problems if she is even as young as age 35.
It makes sense not to hang around people who smoke as second hand smoke kills and is bad to breathe..same with drinking..be glad she does neither.
It seems you do have religion as this bothers you and that is very good. Ask God to help you love your mom in her imperfection as she has, if she is the average mom, done far more for you than you know and deserves your love and understanding.
Maybe you could have a party or dinner for her and invite neighbors or past friends. Look up some classes of things she is interested in where she can meet people and go with her. It will be a fun experence that will bond you and maybe if she likes it she will go on her own to some classes or programs at the parks and recreatuion. Ask her about her interests and what she loves and try to steer her that way.
Ask her if she feels lonely and wants more friends.maybe she is fine without them. Some people are loners by nature and perfectly OK with it. Try to tell her in a kind way if she hurts your feelings or let her know this worries you. Ask her how you can help. Hug and caress her and let her know you care.
Ultimately, we each make our own decisions and noone can really change another. We are all born with different tempermments...but seek out a trusted relative and ask them if they think she may have clinical depression.
Here are the symptoms..have them help you get her to the doctor for treatment.
http://counsellingresource.com/distress/mood-disorders/depressive-episode.html
http://www.drhallowell.com/resources/articles/depression.html
Sometimes when you become a teenager, parents get on one's nerves..try to forgive her the imperfections she has, but there is a good chance, she is suffering from a chemical or hormonal imbalance.
2006-10-30 23:59:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly the feeling! I'm 20 with a 13 month old son and have been with my boyfriend 4 years. Facebook is the worst lol! it sounds silly but seeing what seems like everyone else going out every weekend and meeting new people is really upsetting when you feel stuck in the same place. I'd say that I have 2 good friends left, one I see once or twice a month and the other has recently moved away to go to university. The rest seem to have drifted away since i had my son we're just going through different stages of our lives. I live in a rural area and my boyfriend needs the car during the day so its just me and my son all day, i love him to bits but it gets lonely! I would suggest speak to your boyfriend let him know you feel lonely and try and spend some family days out together. And try and arrange some time where you can do something for yourself (without your daughter) like go to the gym or join some other kind of group where you will meet people. This might lift your spirits abit and give you a clearer head to think about what your next move is going to be!
2016-05-22 06:15:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What makes you think she's lonely and isolated? Does she work? Go shopping? Exercise? She probably likes her life the way it is. If not, she could take a class at the local community college or join a club that interests her. Volunteer work is satisfying and a great way to meet new people. Maybe she has a plan for when you move out - like move near family or friends and she is just waiting that out. At least she has you and that might be all she needs at this point in her life. Best of luck to you both.
2006-10-29 11:25:04 · answer #3 · answered by cargrrrl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't.
Seems your mother is set in her own ways. Her ways didn't give your father the right to abandon you too but it's obvious she drove him away with her behavior.
All you can do is explain to your mom that she needs help. She needs to realize the world doesn't revolve around her and that she should stop being so close minded are start being more accepting. Inform her that you're tired of her pessimistic ways and her behavior... she needs to mingle and get to know others.
And, that's all you can do. There's nothing more... if she doesn't want to change, she won't. If she was really lonely, she would want to be a better person to make friends. Instead, she's got such a negative disposition and all you can do is make sure you don't turn out that way.
2006-10-29 11:38:50 · answer #4 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Even though you love your mom, there is only so much you can do for her. You can only lead her in the right direction by telling her that you care about her and would like for her to start getting out of the house and doing something fun by socializing a little more. She will need to make the choice to do this. You shouldn't have to feel responsible for your mom's social life. Continue to do things with her sometimes but, also go out with your friends too. Hopefully, one day you mom will decide she wants something more but, it'll be up to her to decide. Good luck!
2006-10-29 12:56:56 · answer #5 · answered by cee cee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could be various things like: depression, bitterness, having a pity party for herself. Sometimes it's easier for a person to dwell in unhappiness than to take active steps to improve their lives. Dr. Phil has some really good books, so does Oprah.
Urge her to do something new and challenging. Maybe she can volunteer part-time to help someone else or even animals - it's so rewarding. Inform her you won't be a party to her self-destruction. Realize you can only do so much for a person. If they are not willing to take steps to help themselves, you need to still fulfill your own path. Maybe she can learn by your example as well.
If nothing works at all, perhaps it's clinical depression and she should see a doctor.
2006-10-29 11:37:33 · answer #6 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother has to want to make a change in her life. Ask her what does she want. Only you mother can jump start her life by wanting change, by wanting to feel whole. by wanting to feel love again.. you can set her up on a hundred dates and she will still come up with a reason why she don't like them.. It's her choice to want to live again inside her soul.. You can sit down and talk with her and share your concerns.. sometimes simple conversation can wake a dead soul... Maybe she can't see or feel what you see in her.
2006-10-29 11:37:00 · answer #7 · answered by M M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, you see why your Dad walked away, don't you?
Follow his example.
It's rough, I know...but you can do it. You don't have to cut her out of your life entirely, but go out and have a life of your own!!
Don't let her lay a guilt trip on you!
And don't worry about the religion aspect - that's the least of the problem here!
ONLY she can make the descision about whether or not to live in complete isolation.
You can *nudge* her in the direction of doing for herself by not being there all the time.
2006-10-29 11:29:32 · answer #8 · answered by Johnna L 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
She's making herself lonely. If she complains about being lonely, remind her that she chooses to be that way. She she has the choice of being lonely or socializing.
2006-10-29 12:59:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to find an 'old' friend of hers, and ask them to help.
2006-10-29 11:22:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋