I am married 9 years ago & i have 2 beautiful kids but i do not love my husband?

Question

or having sex with him i always feel it nothing but a duty . i tried to have adivorce several times but when thinking of my kids i get a step back i do not want them grow up far from thier father. do anybody can help

Answer 1

I'm afraid not Cindy, you will have to work this one out between yourselves. Go and see RELATE they should be able to point you in the right direction, Good luck.

Answer 2

I have been in the exactly same situation myself

I was with my ex partner for 14 years and we have 2 children, we both was unhappy in the rel for many years. We simply stayed together because of the children in which at the time we thought that we was doing the right thing.
We never had sex and if we did it was because it was duty and it was about once a month!.
I loved my partner but i was never in love with him but of course that love that i had for him had died and we spent the last 10 years in a loveless rel
We split up a year and half ago and both of us are so relieved. We are both with different partners and are both so much more happier in ourselfs. The children are a lot happier too, they see alot of there dad and they can call him anytime that they like. My ex and i are friends because to be honest that was all we ever was.
We both thought that we was doing the right thing for the children by staying together but boy was we so wrong.
The children have said to us both that they are glad that we are not together anymore because we are happier and we are nicer apart.
I always thought that the children did not know about how the ex and i felt about one another but of course they did.
To be honest i would talk to your husband and i would think about seperating, as i think that you could be a lot happier.
Listen to your head and not your heart. do what you feel is right for you and not what is right for everyone else. I just wish that i did all of those years ago
good luck and i hope that you will find happiness soon

Answer 3

that's sad. as a guy, I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't love me, but I'd be mortified if it happened or if I couldn't see my kids. Perhaps you need to talk to someone to find out exactly what it is that's missing. Have things become a bit routine? if so try some role play, new undies, or some time away alone with him to spice it up a bit. Try looking at some old photos and try to remember what you saw in him, then talk to him about it. often things like financial pressures, work, or not having any time alone together due to the kids will be the real cause, and if you can sort these problems out, then the relationship may recover. I think if you are really having doubts, you should see a councillor before a solicitor, to try to get to the bottom of this, but if it really is all over once you have tryed all this then its not really fare on the kids to bring them up in a home with no love in it. in the end, the decision is down to you...

Answer 4

When you recall the day you got married, it can revitalise old feelings, and vows. The fact that you got married proves that there was love. For love to disappear it takes ISSUES that happen. Life is not exactly a bed of roses; but, to create a family for those children that have come into this world, is surely a very responsible thing to do. If you were to handle the issues - for real - between you two, then you might surprise yourself by finding that the original love you felt was there all along, just buried beneath unresolved issues.
It can be possible, to revitalise all the feeling that you ever had. And it's worth it for so many reasons!

Answer 5

kids are smart. They will know if the parents are not in a happy marriage. Would you want your children to grow up and settle for the same kind of relationship you have with your husband? Because that is exactly what will happen. Do your kids a favor and make yourself and your husband happier even if it means a divorce. I know it's hard and I am a single mother myself but I know my son is a happy little boy. Kids from broken homes can turn out fine as long as at least one of the parents is there for them.

Answer 6

Sometimes people do fall out of love and nothing can help. I think you should get a divorce. If you're worried about your kids growing up far from their father, don't move that far away from him.

Everyone deserves to be happy and if he's not making you happy then you should do whatever it takes to make you happy.

Hope all works out the best for you!

Answer 7

Sorry but there is no easy answer to this... but by now i guess u know that... i am in no way able to give u advice for i have been and guess will continue to do the same... i know i am a better mother on my own but i also know how much my kids love their dad and i do not have the power in me to take that away, i also know that even through all the wrong doings that he really does love me... no matter what happens i wish u and ur family well and i hope things work out...good luck...

Answer 8

I felt the same as you many years ago. My children are now 29 and 27. Their father and I divorced and it was the most painful experience I have ever been through. But I do not regret my decision. I was unhappy and so were the children. My son and daughter now tell me how proud they are of me to have been true to myself. I have now found a partner who is absolutely wonderful - I waited a long time and kissed an awful lot of frogs - but I found the happiness we all crave. Go for it girl, be true to yourself, your children will hurt for a little while be gentle with them you will all come through to the otherside and be far more contented. My children also tell me that they have taken the experience with them through their lives and used it in a positive way rather than feeling sorry for themselves.

Answer 9

Sounds like you have two options. The first is to try and work it out through marriage counseling. The second is to go ahead with a trial separation and work out the custody between yourselves. Your children will be unhappy about the prospect of a divorce, but they will be truly miserable if they grow up in a loveless household. In the long run, it will be healthier for them to see their parents separate but apart than miserable and together. Good luck.

Answer 10

This is one of the hardest situation women find themselves stuck in unhappy marriage and all they you is stay with their husband for sake of the children in one hand it's good to do that however in other hand it's not good because you're the only who's suffering so you have to do something about it your children will understand you when you explain to them the whole situation if the are grown children however you can still explain to them when they get older the reason you left or divorce your husband....don't just let yourself suffer for sake of the children be a wise woman and have a better life when you're on earth...

Answer 11

Do not stay in a marriage, just because of the kids! Kids are smart, they know when you are unhappy, besides they won't be growing up without a Father, he will be able to come and see them! remember unhappiness rubs off on all those in the family!