Why is my 4 year old wetting herself when she is potty trained?

Question

My daughter just started wetting herself after being potty trained for over 2 years now. There is a new baby on the way soon, but she has known that she will have a little sister soon. She peed on the couch last night while sitting and today she just peed on the loveseat! She doesn't wet herself at night so I know this is voluntary. Is she being defiant because of the new baby? Is it attention? She keeps saying she's a baby again. Any insight would be appreciated!

And how do I stop the behavior?!?!?

Answer 1

Ahh - the new baby and the regression! Been there 3 times! I think that regression in potty habits is most frustrating as a parent. But your hunch about the connection between regression and new baby is correct. She's feeling insecure and doesn't know how to handle it. My third was 4 when she acquired a sibling and it was hardest for her. The potty stuff, accidents went on for several months. I finally just put a pullup on her and concentrated on helping her love the baby and concentrated on the baby. He was the 4th child.

As far as saying she is a baby, play along but then talk about how much fun it is being a big girl and find little things that only "big girls" can do like going to McDonalds Playland or Trick or Treating. We also said stuff like, "F...is SO lucky that he has you for a big sister to teach him. He won't even know how to talk! And look! You can button your clothes and he can't even do that! Do you think you can show him how to use the potty?"
As far as potty - you could have her 'show' the baby while she's in utero. And then praise her and tell her how thankful you are that she is such a big girl and how much you love big girls. She'll eventually lose the green eyed monster that has begun to inhabit her and she'll go back to normal.

Answer 2

My middle daughter (I have three and all are potty trained) was a passive aggressive girl with her peeing. What you are experiencing is a little girl using what little she can to show you she can have control over something, even if it is a bad thing. You need to stop it without turning it into a power struggle. Here is what worked for us, at the same age--four years old. Exact same situation, even. We stayed calm and told her that she knows how to keep her pants dry and we expect her to do it. We are not going to nag her to sit on the potty or ask her all the time if she has to go. When she doesn't use the potty properly, she will go to her room for the rest of the day, even if it's 10am, missing any activites and meals that are left in the day. Stick to it. She will test you a couple times. If you stick to the plan, that WILL be the end of the problem.

Answer 3

Firstly I'd have her medically checked out ,it could be cystitis or something else. More than likely tho it's anxiety about being displaced by the new baby, she's revirting back and she's given you the clue by saying she's a baby again.

Emphasize that ' big ' girls get to do things baby doesn't. She will stay up later perhaps. She won't have to use a bottle to be fed but can eat bigger girl food. When she goes to school she'll be a big girl and won't need to wear diapers because big girls know how to use the toilet.

She's feeling insecure . Let her know that she's going to be a big help to mummy and daddy when they have the new baby. She'll be able to translate for the baby when you can't understand what baby wants right away. Let her help with baby getting diapers, maybe help in choosing babies clothes and new toys for the baby that she thinks baby might like.

If it gets alot worse you may have to consult your pediatrician about a counsellor but try this other stuff first. She just doesn't want to be displaced and doesn't think there'll be enough room in mummy's and daddy's hearts and gramma's and grampa's for her.

Answer 4

With the new baby on the way it sounds like she is having a hard time dealing with it. Talk to her doctor. There are some great children's books about siblings out there that I'm sure she could recommend for you. Also, make sure that the attention of your pregnancy isn't overshadowing her. Make her feel included. Our oldest was not quiet 2 when our youngest was born. During my pregnancy we got him involved with planning the nursery and picking out a special toy to bring to the baby at the hospital. We also had the baby give him a new toy when he arrived to meet his brother.

But about the peeing. Our oldest went through that at 4 when nothing major was going on in our lives. He was just lazy. He would wait till the last minute to pee and a lot of times just not make it. I wouldn't fuss at her, if that's the case, just reinforce she's a big girl. When she does go in the potty, just praise her again like you did when she was training.

Good luck!!!!

Answer 5

Its an attention thing. My step daughter who is 6 yrs old actually wet herself on 3 occassions after I had our son. We were not giving her less attention but she was no longer the baby and was no longer the center of attention because the new baby needed us where as she can do for herself {though she rarely does since her mom babies her to this day}

Answer 6

I had a similar issue when we had our second child. We tried to make everything all about the big sister/brother...it was a huge deal complete with birthday cake and party hosted by big sister/brother at the hospital for the baby. As for the potty problem, I would suggest that you make her clean herself up, then it is not so fun. She is likely seeking your attention because the clean up is usually one on one attention with a parent...so peeing is paying off unless you ask her to clean herself up. It worked for us...I hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 7

Sounds like she's jealous of the new baby..even if she isn't here yet. If she's saying she's a baby again, that's a clear cut sign she's just jealous.

It needs to be punished. It's one thing for her to want attention because the baby is getting attention too (even though she isn't born yet), but it's another thing to pee yourself and all over the furniture.

If she pees her pants then spank her. She needs to realize that you aren't going to put up with acting out like that.

I personally believe the saying "Spare the rod, spoil the child" but if you're one of those that don't believe in spanking then I think a punishment for peeing your pants should be taking away toys. Take away maybe 1 toy she really loves and 1 or 2 toys she just likes. Put them in a box or a basket in another room and point out that that is the place where her toys go when she is bad. It will bug her seeing her toys in there. Explain to her why they are in there. Tell her she can have them back if she promises not to pee her pants again. If she pees her pants again, then take away even more toys than last time. She will get the idea and eventually the behavior will stop.

Answer 8

because she's not.................


ok it seems you have analysed all this by yourself and is just waiting for some one to state your conclusion:

she is pretending to be a baby because being clever she has realised that it is probably the best way not to loose all the attention, also being clever she has realised peeing on the sofa and saying that she is a baby is the best way about it.


all the above is so obvious from your description of the problem that it is only certain that you had figured it out all yourself before and by asking this question wanted some sort of confirmation . so here it is - it all seems very likely.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Wetting Her Self