When my mom was 20 she took on the task of raising her best friend's son because her best friend wasn't stable enough to do so herself. My mom was a single "mother" to him for the first eight years of his life before she met my dad. My mom raised him from infancy. In his adulthood, he became reunited with his biological mother, who had come into money and is now very well off. He got married ten years ago and had his wedding in Hawaii- my mother was not financially able to attend, but his birth mother was. He cut all ties with my mother after that citing that she obviously didn't care about him because she didn't come to his wedding. A couple years ago my mother suffered a series of heart attacks and almost died. When my sister and I contacted our "brother" to let him know, he hung up on us. I hold a lot of resentment and bitterness toward him for what he did to my mother. She cries all the time about it and blames herself.. Should I write him a nasty letter, or take the high road?
2006-10-29 08:48:24 · 11 answers · asked by Jennifer F 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Put simply, this is between your mom and him. So it would be inappropriate to write such a letter. If he wants to find out the whys, then he can contact her. If she feels the need to make her case, then she can contact him.
2006-10-29 08:52:24 · answer #1 · answered by mrssamikeyp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write your letter then hold onto it for a at least a month before you send it. Read it often to make sure that's what you really want to say and how. When you're writing something out of emotion, things don't always come across right. I agree that your "brother" is being a selfish fool but if he's made up his mind, your letter, if not written properly, may make him more certain he's made the right choice in alienating your mother. If you know his biological mother, you might want to have a chat with her and see if she can give you any insight into her son's behavior.
Good luck and remember that your mother needs to know that she needs you.
2006-10-29 09:30:52 · answer #2 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not make it a nasty letter. However, write a letter that will make him remember why she raised him and the sacrifices she made to make sure he was raised well. Also maybe make mention that most proud families are not raised with money, but with LOVE..
Good Luck. Pray for a guiding hand before you write this letter and let God help you write it!
God Bless!!
Oh, remind your Mother that God will reward her for the good deed that she did in raising him out of Love. Tell her that he still loves her, but is confused on why she took him away from his real mom. I would bet the real mom put some crap in his head about why she was not there...
2006-10-29 08:54:10 · answer #3 · answered by lancelot682005 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Write a letter addressed to him. Let him know how you feel and dont hold a thing back. Call him a jerk, a scumbag, whatever you are feeling. Sign it, seal it with a kiss, and then...
RIP IT TO PIECES.
This really works. I will help you get your feelings out without making the relationship worse (and yes it can get worse).
When you feel like you can confront him without being nasty (even if he's nasty to you first), then you can write him a letter or call, and without accusing, simply ask him how he feels and why he feels that way. I know it sounds impossible but you might come to an understanding. Even
if you dont, its best to approach it this way, since people respond better when they dont feel like they are being attacked (even if they really so deserve a strong word or two).
I'm sorry your mother is hurting. You may not be able to helpher with your brother, but you can be there for her and assure her its not her fault.
2006-10-29 10:24:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Er, i do no longer understand. once you're saying nasty, do you advise "offended, insulting" letter? if so, and you're motive in writing it, then many times what you sense and the injustices finished to you're sufficient sufficient fabric to artwork with. nevertheless, in my experieces, letters like that are never relatively effective of the region. except you're waiting to end the friendship or relationship for stable, If no longer, then you could consistently write the letter to blow off steam and convey your emotions, yet carry onto it and don't deliver it. Then once you have cooled down somewhat, you will detect a greater effective thank you to handle the challenge.
2016-10-20 23:28:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really two issues: What should YOU do about your relationship with him . . . and . . . what should your MOTHER do about her relationship with him?
It sounds as if you are more concerned about your mom's relationship (and I can understand that). And the fact of the matter is, there's not much you can do to change your mom's heart unless she wants to be changed. Perhaps you could find her a good self-help book on forgiving and forgetting. And, of course, you can be a loving daughter and try to make up for her loss (of this "son").
As far as what you can do with him, you could try writing a polite, loving letter and appeal to him. Explain that your mom is broken-hearted and even if she hurt his feelings, it wasn't intential. Chances are, though, this is much more complicated than that. His bio-mom may be behind some of this and likely, unless he initiates, he is gone from your lives.
It's truly horrible how some people just aren't grateful!
2006-10-29 09:17:40 · answer #6 · answered by servinggodalone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is getting upset about this because she is letting herself get upset about it. Like you said, she blames herself. Don't make the same mistake and get worked up. Two quotes for you that might help:
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde
Let it go, sweetie. He is already paying the price for his behavior and so is his unfortunate wife. I pity both of them. He doesn't deserve to be dignified by a letter from you of any sort.
2006-10-29 09:03:00 · answer #7 · answered by Robert B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the high road, to write a nasty letter to him will only bring you down to his level. Just keep the thoughts to yourself and you will be the better/bigger person. He will realize later on that he's made a mistake, and he'll have to pay the price alone.
2006-10-29 08:54:59 · answer #8 · answered by creeklops 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I wouldn't write him a nasty letter, because it's really not for you to write. I think you should follow your mom's lead. If she hasn't devised a letter or anything else neither should you. I definitely think that you should cut ties with him, and allow your mother to handle her "son", if she so pleases.
2006-10-29 09:13:49 · answer #9 · answered by prettydebutante 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Resentment is where you drink the poison and hope the other person dies. Be the better person. Let go.
2006-10-29 08:51:57 · answer #10 · answered by wildbill05733 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋