If you were in my place, how you feel and what you gonna do?

Question

I am true roman catholic.Since when i was young i'm always dreaming to have a church wedding when i get married no matter how simple it is as long as i have the blessings. I served our local parish church & a cathechist. When the time came for my dream to be true, the world turns down on me. The wedding dream of mine has become the most embarrassing tragic in my life especially to my husband who's a foreign in my country and not a catholic as well.
We supposed to have a so called mix married in my church. A day before our wedding day, the priest just phone me to come to his office at the church. What a sad surprise for that call that he refuses the wedding for the reason that my husband have not completed the 10 days policy of the church of the registration of our wedding he's lucking 1 day, but he already knew and he told us that's fine and he signed all the documentary papers from the chancery. So he just told me that he's not thinking properly at that moment when he signed

the papers. I feel devastated, upset, embarrasse to my husband and all the people, and all the feelings of sadness.... Everything has been ready for the wedding, and then on the last minute the man who we entrusted in our community just turned down my dreams...To cut the chase...we had a civil wedding instead which I really don't want to have, but what can i do, have no choice...but it's just so sad, just a simple dream never happend. Until now I still have this feeling of upset to that priest, i feel like to point my fingers on him, especially when i heard that the real reason behind is that they want additional payment of the wedding, what ashame to the world. Sometimes when I saw a wedding in a church i feel sad and reminds me of everything, I don't know why but I can't help it.

Although sometimes I would like to think, to set all those tragic behind, and think what I have now is my loving husband who always there for me and our little son, but still I feel this hatred and disappointment.
I would really want to forget it but sometimes I can't help it especially when it reminds me.... do you think you can blame me?

Well, until now he is still the one who runs our church and making lots of money. Nobody likes to replace him cause our church has a million debt as I've heard. i heard as well he sold all the antiques in our church, probably those antique saints as well. do you think we should report this kind of priest to the pop? cause i really want to report all his doing of using the church in making money.
Actually what he did to me really affect me as being a catholic, that's why I'm straight to god now. I've never been to church since I had my civil wedding...well,don't blame me why?

Yes you're right that dream of mine is just on the fingertips of my hands. What matters me now, I got my loving little family which is more than a blessed from the church. My husband and my baby is my real blessed!

Answer 1

It's obvious that you felt very dissappointed with the priest and for not being able to have your life long dream. In reality though, you got the most important part of your dream...a man who loves and cherishes you and also a son. You appear to feel a real sense of loss about not having your church wedding. Have you thought about maybe having a church wedding elsewhere to renew your vows to each other. Those people that have told me they have done that say it was more beautiful and emotional than they ever would have dreamed. If you are having trouble fogiving the preist then decide in your own heart that you want to forgive and then ask God to help make it true because you arent feeling that way right now. Try to remember that holding on to this anger and bitterness will only hurt you and eat you up inside. Let go and let God handle him.

Answer 2

First of all, regardless of my own personal faith, I admire your candor for questioning yours as a result of this atrocity. You have not stopped being a Catholic, you just don't like the priest that did this to you. This is entirely reasonable.

What should have happened, since this was the priest's mistake, is you should have been able to get married with the understanding that your husband would go to that one last day of class. You should have been able to have your dream.

The first thing you should do, and have done, is understand that what is important is your family, and be thankful for them.

The second thing you should do is see if there is another Catholic Church in the area (it doesn't sound like there is though).

The third thing you should do is make your concerns known to the archdiocese of the area through letter, phone or in person. I, personally, would keep to the facts about the wedding, and leave the speculation of his other "injustices" as just that. It might not hurt to write to the Vatican as well.

The fourth thing you should do is see about getting this into the public eye in some way, such as the local paper or news station.

The last thing you should do is keep your faith yours, regardless of what anyone else says or does. Nobody has the right to tell you that the Catholicism is bad or wrong.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

What matters more to you the wedding or the man you're marrying?

It is too late now to have the wedding on the day you planned so you have to rearrange theres not a lot else you can do.

Find another church with a more understanding/accommodating priest or get married in a registry office & get it blessed in church.

Please remember the man should be most important not the wedding

Answer 4

I would write to the archdiocese and Vatican, just in case archdiocese didn't do anything about it. You should write what you wrote in this forum, probably get a written letter from a parish member to confirm your status as catechist and your service to the church.
I am a Catholic and married to an Anglican in my church, and the priest was so firm about registration and papers prior to our marriage - but we did all that was asked and it went well.
Your priest might not allow your marriage with a non Catholic in Catholic church, especially without having necessary papers properly signed. As far as church bankruptcy, I think it's a rumour. You may want to tell Vatican about it too, but you must state that you only "heard" and wonder if it's true.
If Vatican finds anything wrong with your statement and or status, they may not proceed with your complaint which will leave you in despair even more.

Answer 5

I wanted to get married in the Catholic church too. The priest never returned my calls and was very difficult to work with. I ended up getting married by a non denominational minister. I wish I had a Catholic wedding but I realize that I tried and maybe it was about money. My feelings about religion definitely have changed. Regardless of faith, it IS a lot about money. I'm just glad that man who did marry us wasn't all about the almighty dollar.

Answer 6

that is so awful. i am so sorry. i can only say that that man is callous! what a most cruel and horrible thing to do to someone. what you have to do is assess whether this man will make you angry at your religion, or angry just at him, or forgive him... personally i would be furious!!! i would tell all the people i know and get them to pressure him, especially if they are from your parish. most churches lack money and parishioners. form a pressure group to say that he has signed the paper and that is that. i really wish you all the best. it is the worst thing when something goes wrong on your wedding day.
is the special day tomorrow? call around some other churches and see if there has been a cancellation. people wouldnt mind standing at one church and redirecting to another... good luck xx

Answer 7

at least you have the most important thing, your husband. It doesn't really important to get married especially if that is your goal in life to have a perfect wedding. Life is not perfect also. I also have dream when I was young, that I want to meet my prince charming and live happily ever after like fairy tale. But as I grow up I realized life doesn't come with fairy godmother beside us to make our life easier. we have to live the best of what we have. And expect the unexpected. Think more positive than negative.

Answer 8

The Catholic Church is too restrictive and oppressive. It's rotten that they can't waver a little in order to have your wedding go through. Get out while you can because you'll just end up guilt-ridden and scared to death if you listen to everything the Catholic Church dishes out. That said, I am very sorry that this happened to you and hope your dream wedding somehow goes through.

Answer 9

It's just a church. Things don't always turn out the way we want them to. Don't dwell on the location. Instead remember why you're getting married. That's what means everything, not where you have it.

Answer 10

I'm sad that you had such a bad experience. However, had your husband completed whatever he had to well in advance, this situation would not have arose.
What you could have done that same day was to contact your Bishop immediately, discussed the situation, and he may have given you consent to go ahead.