Is anyone involved in foster care?

Question

Would you please share your experiences? I'm considering getting certified to be a foster parent. Just want to know if anyone can tell me what its like. Difficulties, challenges. I just want to get a general idea of what I will be dealing with if I become a foster parent.

Answer 1

My husband and I are in the process of becoming foster parents. Each state has their own specifications, so it depends on where you live.We are in Ohio, and here we had to go through 9 mandated 3-hr. classes. In these classes they go over what a typical child in a nurturing home goes through, as compared to worst case scenario foster children. This goes for behaviors, types of abuse/neglect, a little about how to discipline, how it affects you and your family, how separation/loss affects the child, and an endless amount of information. We received a 1"binder that is overflowing with information (pamphlets, articles, etc.).

Now that we've completed the classes, we have go through what they call "Home Studies". We are assigned to a caseworker, and it is her job to find out, in a sense, who we are in about 4 or 5 sessions in our home. She interviews us, and answers any questions we might have. Based on what she learns, she will submit a proposal to the State of Ohio, recommending us to be licensed for foster care in Ohio. If we are approved, then we could receive children immediately, possibly by Christmas.

We decided to do this because we want to make a difference in people's lives, and we feel like God has asked us to do this, at least for now. We have not decided if we want our own children or not, so this could be a segueway to that part of our future. We don't really know what to expect, even though we've been given many examples from current foster parents. We are excited and scared all at the same time, but we know that it will be a great experience.

I would suggest contacting your local agency for more information. When I was looking up information, I typed in a search with Google for my county's name, and children services. I think it was pretty much the first one that popped up. Contact them and let them know that you would like more information, and see what they say. You can even go through classes, and decide that it's not for you. But at least then, you would know. Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 2

I never did foster care, but I did adopt two older children (15 and 9) from social services about 2 1/2 years ago. Both had been in foster care so I've heard a good bit about their experiences. Both had generally negative--though not abusive-- experiences with foster care and much preferred placements in group homes.

You don't say what your family situation is like or why you are considering fostering. Please do not underestimate the expense. Yes you will get a supplement, but the supplement does not begin to cover the cost of looking after a child properly--private lessons, tutoring, braces, time off from work for a thousand therapy appointments. My feeling from listening to the kids is that people who foster should--in most instances--not have other children at home. It is the rare person who can treat troubled children who have been through heck the same as their own children. In group homes there is greater professionalism and kids feel like they are all in more-or-less the same boat.

As to what to expect, expect anything and everything. Anger, threats, sweetness, rule breaking, lying, moments of success, active minds, nightmares, bedwetting, laughter, fun, stealing, and empty holes that seem like they'll never be filled. Most of all the kids need your time. Time, time and more time. And they need someone who is utterly unflappable and who isn't looking for appreciation. They also need someone who will stick by them come hell or highwater. Be ready to explain why you can't keep them permanently. Be straight with them. Don't talk down to them. And never lose a sense of humor. No matter how ugly they are to you or to those you love, do not lose your sense of humor. Do not take any ugliness personally.

My kids are great kids, but they make lousy grateful little orphan children. If anything they are apt to seem more materialistic than a child you raised from birth. The greatest problem my kids had in foster care was feeling like second class citizens: biological child always believed over foster child, misguided attempts at discipline (fed bread and milk for days--which probably did violate abuse rules), not getting presents comparable to biological child, shopped for clothes mostly at thrift store, did not feel loved.

It's not enough for any kid, that you just take care of them. They want you to love taking care of them--even if they are being surly and uncooperative. And never forget they are grieving. And will be grieving--or putting off grieving--for years. They almost certainly loved their parents, regardless of what brought them to foster care.

Never underestimate the importance of really good mental health care. Don't settle--find the best care available. Search until you find a mental health care worker who really clicks with your foster child. Be your child's advocate.

Answer 3

I cannot personally say, but I have concidered this myself. It is an excellant idea, and should be embraced,
I will pray for you that things go the right path for you. And if this is your calling, you succeed!