I am really concerned about my husbands father who lives abroad. His daughter and ex wife live there also. I was recently told that he had senial dementure so I said it was ok for him to come over here to stay with us, but I have recently found out that he is an alcoholic and that he doesnt have senial dementure. I feel that I have been deceived into thinking that his father is really ill just so they can send him over here, I really dont know what to do. I feel that if I say no I will look very selfish but Im really concerned as my partner and I both work full time so no one will be here to look after him in the day. I also know that my partner does not want him here, but will not say that to his family.
Help
2006-10-29 04:56:27 · 19 answers · asked by beatagammaray 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The last thing this man needs is more codependants. Alcoholism is a disease and caretaking will not put him into the position that he will seek help to change. I strongly advise you not to take this man in as it will destroy your marriage and wreak havoc in your home. Alcoholism affects the entire family not to mention the dangers of having a drunk running amok in your home. The only reason they are sending him to you is that everyone else is sick of dealing with his bullshit.
2006-10-29 04:59:38 · answer #1 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As for your hubby doing what he don't want to do when it comes to his family. I'd say now is the time for him to start thinking of joining a Al-anon group. this should help him learn to stand up for himself.
In the meantime. cause his father is an alcoholic, don't make him incapable of looking after himself during the day.. it just means he's going to drink all day.
You have to really consider this.. can you live around alcohol all the time? if so, have him come stay.. if not, find someone in the family to take him in. Or set up a rule that he's ONLY there till he finds his own place.
2006-10-29 05:01:19 · answer #2 · answered by Jas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not with the alcohol. That is a monster to hard to deal with. He must get rid of it first and prove it. I know first hand its destroying effects on not only him but those around. Very tough situation but no doubt in my mind the alcohol goes before he comes in and if he goes back to it he goes immediately.Do not underestimate what he will do and how he will lie and deceive because this is a devil that is so hard to get rid of. Maybe by saying no you Will force him to stop and that would be a great thing for him. If you allow or help him drink you will not be doing him any favors but rather helping him destroy himself and maybe you as well.
2006-10-29 05:03:38 · answer #3 · answered by beek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say no, he is ill and moving here from abroad won't help him. He has to stay where he is and want to stop drinking and do something about it. He will put too much of a strain on you and your hubands relationship. Alcoholics are selfish and drink comes before anything else, even the happiness of the people that they love.
2006-10-29 05:15:13 · answer #4 · answered by scary mary 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say no! but, I also say that if he is quiting, maybe. I do not think that drug or alcohol addiction is any thing but an illness. The fact is, that it will affect you and your partner in more than just a financial way. you will be emotionally abused, physically threatened and mentally exhausted. i would reconsider. AND check into homes for such people- there are government places that take care of people (if they have social security) check it out. and don't be fooled by a sob story.
2006-10-29 05:04:47 · answer #5 · answered by tbaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both of you will really need to talk seriously about this. It is a BIG responsibility & he will need looking after 24/7, maybe not right now but as his dementia gets worse he really will need looking after constantly. Think long & hard about it & talk it over with the ex & daughter they will maybe have an idea of how hard it is if they have been looking after him. You are not being selfish you are being PRACTICAL. Good luck!
2006-10-29 08:41:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say no! He is not your problem especially if neither you or your husband want him there. Just tell them you feel if he can't get better with his wife then he won't get any better with you all. Tell them that with work and everything you feel you won't have the time to give him the kind of attention he needs. Your husband should tell his family this instead of putting you in the hot seat. I hope this helps!!
2006-10-29 05:02:18 · answer #7 · answered by jennthack02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him this it's one hell of a mistake to take an alcoholic in, can you imagine the stress, comin home from work with a waster with no self respect sprawled out on the sofa, and just generally being a pest, rather you, this is a time your man stopped being a mouse, and say his words NO, otherwise you might not stay as a couple, unless your solid as in taking on pressure!
2006-10-29 07:22:20 · answer #8 · answered by diamonds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT TAKE HIM IN he got himself into this state tell the family that both of you work and don't have the facility's for him if it helps tell them you have been diagnosed with depression and your Doctor advises against Any more strain and you must not be manipulated by anything they say from now one i am sere your husband will back you up and be relived
2006-10-29 05:23:30 · answer #9 · answered by stirling silver 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you both work full time why did you say yes in the first place? just say no and take it from there you need to look after your own he is an adult and if his own family cant sort him out then dont even try pet leave him well alone, the further away the better i know its hard and cruel but look after yourself and your family
2006-10-29 05:01:19 · answer #10 · answered by dr strangelove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋