My mom was killed 9 years ago by a drunk driver. She was walking home she was in front of the apartment complex next to where we lived when he came out of no where and hit her. He stoped looked at her then drove off. There was witness that saw his licennesse plate # and saw him so that's how they found him. Me and my 2 sister all unage at her death got 73 thousand each. But apart of me have always wanted to meet this guy who killed her and ask if he has changed any. However, I don't feel its my place to go and bring up something he already has to live with.
2006-10-29 02:51:13 · 24 answers · asked by Sondra 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he got 30 days in jail and 30days probation
2006-10-29 02:56:13 · update #1
I would write him a letter first.
The only problem with a face to face meeting first is that he may not be sorry for what he did at all. Sometimes people have great remorse, and other times they don't. If he is still an alcoholic, he may even view the situation as your mom being the one to blame for what happened. Alcoholics are like that ... it's everyone's fault but theirs. And there is the very real possibility that he doesn't remember a damn thing about what happened because he was so drunk, and therefore in his own mind he didn't really do anything wrong (the witnesses were lying, bad cop must have pinned it on him, etc). You would be amazed at the excuses alcoholics have.
If they are remorseful, it can be an incredibly healing experience. If they aren't, it can bring up anger you never even knew you had.
If you are prepared to deal with any possible outcome, then go for it.
2006-10-29 03:26:20 · answer #1 · answered by BoomChikkaBoom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry that you lost your mum in that accident so many years ago. Speaking from experience i understand what you are feeling and needing that sort of closure to all of this. If you do meet this person i don't believe that it would make you feel any better as the person who did it was obviously very intoxicated at the time and most likely wont remember what has happened and will not be able to answer the "normal" questions as to WHY?? it happened. This again (speaking from experience) will make you feel even more unfulfilled. Having questions to ask may be one thing however having the questions answered is another.
Haven't you already been though enough... What would your mum have wanted you to do? Another thing, this Guy has no excuse and i hate to break it to you but 70% of people who commit drunk driving of fences don't actually recall any of the events that occurred...... That can be a more cruel upsetting reality. I hope you don't put yourself though all this for answers. its not worth it! GOOD LUCK...
2006-10-29 03:10:30 · answer #2 · answered by mumzie04 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your loss.
On the one hand, you might have unanswered questions or at least feel that you do if you never talk to him. Someday he will be dead, and you will lose that opportunity. Since he is older than you, that is sort of a given.
On the other hand, he is clearly a guy who has poor impulse control, does not accept responsibility for his own actions, and cares a lot more about himself and his own pleasures than he does for the lives of others - at least when he is drinking. You probably do not want your phone number in his rolodex or he might call you the next time he gets drunk. If you do meet him, make sure that you are not interested in him in any way as a person - you just want to understand why your mother died, and the circumstances that led up to her death.
Whether he feels remorse or not is not vital. You probably feel enough sorrow over his actions for the both of you. However, if he does feel very sad about the impact he had on your mother and her daughters - which I doubt - finding that out might be some relief to you.
Good luck with your choice. I can see why you asked other people for their opinions and some of the pros and cons of meeting this guy.
2006-10-29 03:29:48 · answer #3 · answered by John C 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Although not quite the same circumstance, I confronted the man who killed my baby boy. I did it for closure and also because it was my firm belief that forgiveness heals. I told him I forgave him but could never forget what he did. I then was surprised by the peaceful feeling which came and also by the extreme remorse the guy had. He had carried the shame of killing my son for 4 years and because I forgave him I could release some of the pain.This guy was shocked I forgave him. I am sure the guy who killed your mom thinks of the act often and maybe, just maybe if you met with him, it would help you. It can never take away all the pain but it can bring some closure. My heart goes out to you. Losing a loved one (mother,sister,father,brother,daughter or son) is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. Good luck in your decision to meet or not. It is difficult but for me it helped.
2006-10-29 03:02:03 · answer #4 · answered by felisuncia 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry about your loss.
I don't think I would ever want to meet him. The time and punishment he got was nothing compared to what you lost. And the sad thing is, statistics show, that most drunk drivers never learn their lesson and only do it again. It would only hurt you more to know that he was or is a repeat offender, or is in prison for the same charge for killing someone else while being under the influence.
2006-10-29 03:48:48 · answer #5 · answered by Tawney 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean not your place?? She was your mother! He took her life and the life of you and your sisters. I don't care how much money you got nothing can replace your mother! This man doesn't deserve sympathy or to be left alone. I would want to know what he was thinking and how he feels now, ya'll deserve answers and some closure. He owes it to your mother! I know it's hard to face the person that took your mother's life but you'll regret it if you don't. I know he has to live with what he has done but that doesn't make what he has done any better. Don't feel sorry for him, he left your mother to die, he should pay for what he has done for the rest of his life. I don't mean to sound cruel but i don't think it's right for you to think it's not your place. You have every right to know. I think it would help you and your sisters to move on and have some closure.
30 days in jail?! I don't think he has had to live with it enough!! You and your sisters are in my thoughts, I'm so sorry for your suffering!
2006-10-29 03:04:09 · answer #6 · answered by Curious J. 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know what growing up without a mother is like. Mine died when I was a baby. To have gone through having a mother killed would have been unspeakable horror. I would want to see the person and talk with him. I know I would have to forgive him so that I could be at peace and I would want to give him a chance to say whatever might be on his heart. I would want to know if he changed his life because of what happened. God doesn't want any of us to carry guilt or to live without forgiveness.
2006-10-29 11:22:29 · answer #7 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Something HE has to live with?! Honey, you have lived your life without your mother because of him! Yes, I would want to meet him, but I would want my Pastor to be there with me to make sure I didn't start beating the snot out of him! All the money in the world does not replace a mother. If this is something that you are really thinking about & need to do it to get past it then try to find him. I would want to know what kind of life he is living.
2006-10-29 03:19:28 · answer #8 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not want to face the murderer, and I would never have anything to say to him. I would just pretend he didn't exist and in my world, he would be dead. I don't believe in Capitol punishment - one killing is too much two would be worse and not serve any purpose. The murderer should spend most of his life if not all, in a prison - that would be enough for me. I also think you should not meet him because it will upset you unnecessarily and it would server no real purpose feeling as you say you feel....It's a tough thing, but I would avoid facing him a all costs. Good Luck and peace to you.
2006-10-29 03:04:10 · answer #9 · answered by SuperCityRob 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would want to meet the person that changed my family forever with one really irresponsible choice. You are right in that he has to live with his guilt forever...that is if he has a conscience.
What I would suggest to help you to heal is to write him a letter and tell him all the hurt and anger in your heart that you would like to say to him in person.
I would seal it and re read it in a few months and see if you feel that your words would make any difference.
If you think that it would resolve anything then maybe meeting him face to face would work for you. If not, then at least you would know what you would have said. (for me it is the not knowing that drives me crazy)
Bless you and your sisters no matter what you chose to do!
2006-10-29 03:06:17 · answer #10 · answered by kmore 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋