im getting desperate. someone plz rescue me!!!?

Question

im sick again thinking about this guy. i just want his thought to stop popping in my head. i cant keep busy every waking moment. im running out of options. even when i have free time the thought of him gaps in and downs me once again. how can i stop this pattern? ive gotten plenty of advice but the thought of what this guy did to me and that he somewhat got a kick out of seeing me hurt just wont go away. ive done all i can. i know he doesnt care and i still keep dwelling on it. i need one last emergency advice cause this sht is killing me. i know it would be like im still letting him take over my life if i continue to this. im aware off all my choices but this sucks and im getting depressed slowly. i feel it coming. plz help. some really stong kind words would do alot of easy this pain right now. he hurt me and i mean bad. and the thought of how he is having fun and sleeping like a baby at night makes me think the unthinkable. plz help someone anyone?

Answer 1

Hey there,

I am not suprised you feel the way you do. Anyone who has hurt us is bound to have a knock-on effect and your self-esteem has also taken a knock too. Emotions are very cruel and are difficult to cope with when we are feeling depressed and helpless, but they do need to come out.

It sounds like this man is not very fond of himself either and did what he did because he cannot like himself and so hurt you because that is easier than for him to experience his own pain I am sure is driving him to hurt others. This is is his pattern of behaviour that is destructive and abusive.

Keeping busy is not going to make the hurting go away and is trying to come up to the surface so that it can come out. Keeping painful things inside, makes us want to keep it down inside rather than let it out, so everything you are doing to not feel it, is just going to make it build-up even more and the feelings will be stronger. There is no comfort in keeping them inside.

Writing down what you feel will help you get these things out at least and where they should be - out of your body where they make you feel heavy and depressed if kept locked up. You have also been carrying around his baggage and this is going to make you feel overwhelmed and very down, so what you need to do is get some carrier bags, fil them with stones or rubbish and then put labels on them.

Write on these labels all of the things that he had brought into your life and dumped onto you. Dump them back onto him by throwing these bags into a refuse bin or by burning them and have a small bonfire. You need to release yourself of all of the things you are carrying around that belongs to him and that he has left you feeling.

That song: "You never thought that i'd get out of bed because of you boy" - such a fool boy - listen to that whilst you are doing it, you will be in touch with your anger and pain and this is what you need - and to release it.

You keep dwelling on it because you are holding onto his stuff you feel responsible for what he did. You are not responsible for what someone else feels, only what your own feelings are and what belongs to you only - not what belongs to him. Try and seperate these feelings so that you know what is yours and what is his stuff. - throw it right back at him in the ways I have said.

You also have some issues with your own self-esteem and perhaps not feeling very good about yourself either?. You need to try and get this back as this is what makes us choose our partners the way we do. He probabley picked up on the fact that you were low in your self-esteem anyway and fed off this for a while. Now, you want to take back some of the powers you gave away to this man and so that you can move on and see him for the sick person he really is.

You take your powers back by throwing back to him what he dumpted and left on you, so the excercise I gave you is very effective and does work. Then to find some ways of boosting your self-esteem and self-worth that are causing you to feel the way you do about yourself - that lies at the bottom of the root cause of your encroaching depression and some other unresolved issues that have also built up over time, so this is only partly about this man (not the whole scheme of things).

There is nothing that is going to rid you of what you feel unless you are prepared to work on it and start to remove some of the pain you are trying so hard to push down inside. It isn't nice what this what man has done to you, but he is only part of the bigger picture of what is really going on insdie, and so looking inside is going to tell you what is going on in there and writing it down so that you know what is what in there.

This is my advice to you so sorry that it isn't very comforting, but cushioning your pain isn't going to remove it.

Answer 2

Wow, we're like soul sisters! I've had a very similar experience. I wanted to get him erased from my mind. It does get easier. My brother actually said something that made me feel so much better, "Remember that his actions are not a reflection of who you are or a failing of yours. They are his failings and a reflection of who he is."

You are a fabulous person I'm sure, hot: compassionate and forgiving. When you love it's with all you have, and people take advantage. Don't think that this means you are so easy to leave, or deserving of pain and loneliness. You aren't, you were just with the wrong guy at the wrong time.

As for the recurring popping up, I don't know. I have the guy's son, his spitting image - always in view. And I love my son so much, and as a result I feel compelled to love the father despite it all. I just re-read my journals, and recall the reasons why I left: he's a boy, not a man, he loves himself above all else. Your guy had faults and failings besides the obvious. Think about that, the times he made a fool of himself, at least it'll give you something to smile about.

Always remember, this too shall pass. And don't you dare think or do the unthinkable - you can't watch your own funeral and would you really want to see such awful acting on his part if he stopped being a dick long enough to mourn you?

Answer 3

You need to stop dwelling on what could have been and how it was. He hurt you remember don't let him have the control. We don't know for sure that he is sleeping like a baby at night, lets hope he crying in his pillow!! He gave you up and it's his loss. It hurts and how I do know.You need to get up and get going, do as the song says and put on your red dress and go out. Put your self out there and draw in the crowd...you can and will meet some one new it just takes time. You need to heal and in order to do that you need to stop obsessing about him. Consider counseling or at least some one who has an unbiased opinion about the situation. A few of us have been there and some more than once ...we are with you, you are not alone.
~Good Luck~

Answer 4

I know you may not want to hear this but I really do understand what you are going through. By the way you are talking, we may have a lot of things in common. You face a long hard road ahead of you. But you must keep your head up because every second you are down is pleasing him. Don't let him control you still. You are such a strong person to even deal with this problem at all. You can conquer anything by loving and believing in yourself. I don't know if you believe in GOD. But when you are faced with Drama or troubles you are only facing them because he believes you can handle it. He will never do anything that you can not handle. With this said, you are a lot stronger than you think you are. I hoped this helped you. Please Take Care!!!

Answer 5

You know, I'm going through some of the same things your going through and while I don't know if what I'm doing is right, I don't seem to be falling into the depression and compulsive thinking pattern that you are in now. I'm 48...pretty old...and I've been hurt several times before so I think I'm learning how to cope...maybe not but I'm trying something different this time.

Everyone has always told me to stay busy but I get so tired. This is what I'm doing now. I'm sleeping as much as I want, not pushing myself to do anything I don't want to do...I pick up the house...when I want to. Get up when I want to and if I don't want to and I have a day off...I won't even take a shower if I don't want to. I could go on and on about the self indulgence I'm doing right now...If I want to call someone I do, If I don't, I don't.....blah, blah blah...you get it.

You know...for all my self indulgence and lack of discipline, I'm uncommonly happy for someone with as many problems as I have right now...husband leaving me, unstable political situation at work, mom in a mental institution...

Sometimes I feel like life is too many responsibilities and I'm being rebellious and taking care of me...what do I want... not what does everyone else think I should want and not what does everyone else think I should do.

People tell me that sleeping too much is a sign of depression...but I like sleeping a lot and I'm happy when I do so I slept all day yesterday (Saturday) and played on the computer when I wasn't sleeping or patting the dog. I'm relatively happy and I'm not thinking of my problems like a broken tape recorder.

I don't know what other people do when stress overcomes them but that is what I'm doing and it seems to be okay for today. I don't know what will happen tomorrow but neither does anyone.

In short, I'd say, don't would, could, should yourself to a obsessive compulsive disorder...just enjoy doing what you feel like doing today...even if you sleep all day with the blinds closed...make that okay. Then eventually, you'll feel like walking in the sunshine...I do and when I feel like doing that, I do it but not before. This too will pass.

Chin up...take care of yourself safely (When I mean indulge yourself, I don't mean drink or do drugs...so careful there.)

Answer 6

Loosing the one you love and dreamed of a future with, causes us unbelievable pain. I do understand how you are feeling. I know it drives you crazy when you can't get him out of your mind. Wondering what he's doing, who he's with. What could have been. What if you had done this or that.
I have loved and lost. The more I tried to stop thinking about them. The more they were in my mind. This was my first mistake. I realized as much as I didn't want to deal with the hurt. I had to it's part of the grieving process. Please believe me these feelings you have right now will pass. You gave me such a lump in my throat. Because I can feel your pain.
Allow yourself to cry, be angry. Even be depressed. Because someone that loves and hurts as deeply as you do. Will find someone that sees this and love you for it.

Answer 7

Sounds like he did something really bad and I feel for you. Don't let him and what he did get you down or you will be at his level. You are a better person than he is and just remember that...maybe that will help. Move on with your life and when you start to think of this jerk try to think of something that makes you happy inside and eventually you'll stop thinking about what this a*s*s did to you. Hope this helps.

Answer 8

the only one you should take advice from on this is yourself, believe me I've learned the hard way, but you just gotta get yourself back up from the fall, realize your better than that scum and move on (easier said than done) and the only thoughts that should cross your mind about that scum is the thought that he will get his someday because we reap what we sow and it sounds likes he's definately got some growing up to do and then what I do I smile at the thought that (and yes this sounds cruel but its gotta be) while I'll be spending eternity in heaven he'll be spending his in HELL, I guess what I'm saying is just move past it anyway you can don't let him win because in the end he's the loser you didn't do anything wrong and you need to push him away as far as you can and get on with life he's not worth another thought

Answer 9

The more he has hurt you the less he deserves you. Heartache is the hardest thing to overcome there's no cure,no medicine only time time is on your side and karma will take car of him don't u worry it always does. The only thing you can do is stay positive keep asking questions and every thing will be fine.

Answer 10

Really, sweety, you're going to have to save yourself on this one. If you keep having other people save you, then you're going to end up with another jerk again, thinking he's going to rescue you this time. Learn that you can save your own life, and you'll truly be at a point where you can enter a relationship knowing who you are, not what he wants you to be.

Answer 11

That sucks....try doing stuff to pamper yourself, beauty treatments etc...always think about how lucky someone would be to have a person like you in their life, he's missing out! Also it wouldn't hurt to always look hot to remind yourself what a catch you are. Maybe you could try dating someone else (casually), nothing serious.