I've been having a relationship with this guy for 1yr and 3 mos. And now, I'm 14 wks pregnant. I'm so in love with him and happy that I'm having his baby. Here's the complication: he's engaged to someone else. the wedding is in Sept. 2007.
Our baby is due in April 2007.
He tells me he wants to be there for us, but that he is still planning to marry her. And she can't find out about me & the baby.
I don't know what to do.
I feel like I should call her and tell her everything.
He wasn't engaged when he and I started sleeping together. They were only dating and he told me that he never wanted to get married. He said he wasn't happy and that's why we hooked up. Then we fell in love.
but he he loves her too.
Should I tell his fiancee? I wouldn't be doing it to make him be with me. I honestly don't want him even though I love him cause I couldnt trust him.
What should I do? I'm so stressed out and I know its not good for the baby. :(
Please don't judge me. I know this is bad.
2006-10-29 02:15:43 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
His fiance' will find out about the child when you get the paternity test done and file the papers for child support.
You do what's right for you and your child and all this will come out in the open and you won't have to notify the fiance'. His duplicity will be exposed without you being the bad guy.
Then if she marries his sorry *** later, that's her mistake, not yours. Her parents are probably paying for the wedding and will immediately pull the plug on the festivities anyway.
When he comes to you to get together after she ditches him, resist the temptation to take him in. He's dog squeeze. He chose her for marriage and it's apparent that you're plan B. When he comes to you, let him know you deserve better than the man he's capable of being.
Stout heart, honey. You made a mistake. You now have bigger things than yourself to worry about. Don't beat yourself up, just learn and live...
Get your sleep now. You will be busy in the spring. You will have a little one to worry about, it's not your job to raise his father too.
2006-10-29 02:31:12 · answer #1 · answered by lmcbuilder 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. This isn't 'bad'.
2. Can you imagine marrying a man, who has other children, that you don't know anything about, and that he already owes money for child support, and has LIED to you in his financial situation, so that he is less able to support YOU and YOUR kids, in the marriage?
I do not agree with the others here that you should make someone miserable just because you are. I think you should let her know about his financial commitments to YOU and YOUR child, because SHE deserves the TRUTH about his financial situation!!!
Hey, when you have to serve him with support papers, she is going to find out anyway! He is a COWARD to deny and delay the TRUE consequences of his actions!
I wouldn't marry a liar!!! This lie is just the beginning of his life of misery! He needs to own up, for his own nobility and integrity!!!
And, if he doesn't, some one else should at least warn the bride of the Lies she is going to get into!
BTW, if he enters into this marriage with this secret, it could be grounds for annulment by the courts, at anytime, later!
You need to be true to your Integrity, and warn your 'sister'! I would go to an older friend and have them compose a letter to her, explaining that he is father to your unborn child. End of story.
Has he or his parents arranged all the payments for pre-natal care and birth? Has he acknowledged fatherhood?
Will he be on the Birht Certificate, or just YOU? Have you seen a lawyer for a FREE consult? YOU NEED TO DETERMINE PATERNITY at the birth!
This is all your DUTY to your child, under the laws, and is not something you can avoid or put off! Call any lawyer in the phone book!!! If you are found to have NOT taken care, you can be in some VERY SERIOUS trouble, if your child ever seeks social services of any kind, or is treated in any emergency room or school clinic, or on any field trip...
Who gets the IRS deduction for your child? Will he claim it, to cheat on his taxes? And, why not? That would be no more trouble for him thattn what he is doing now, both to you, and to the 'bride'!
Have you found out, yet, about the other women who are carrying his babies??? Who gets the child support? Will there even be any? A lawyer would search the public record to help establish all these answers!
I care because I pay taxes and Medicare, and Social Security, and Welfare taxes, and also am concerned about all the fatherless children I see in my classes, who seem to be anti-social and are trying to either end up dead or in prison!
2006-10-29 10:39:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's playing the both of you so yes she should know! If she marries this man and finds out about you and the baby (eventually she will anyway) It's going to break her heart and she might leave him anyway, save her the divorce and tell her now. He's a selfish asshole and doesn't deserve either of you. Your really gong to let this man pretend like his baby doesn't exists?! Do you even know what that's going to do to this poor, innocent child? Tell her then stay away from him. He said he didn't want to marry her but then he asked her instead of asking you knowing your going to have his baby! He doesn't care about your feelings, he's only thinking about himself. Trust me i've been through something similar to this myself, if having a baby won't change him nothing will. Save yourself, this other women and your unborn child because this fool ain't worth your pain!
2006-10-29 10:26:49 · answer #3 · answered by Curious J. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh goodness. If the man ever ever ever ever loved you, he would have been brave enough to get rid of the girl he was dating and later engaged to. You cannot live your life as "the other woman". You cannot bring a child into this world that is illegitimate. I say, you tell him to choose between you and the baby or this other woman. If he loves both of you like he says he does and he continues to be with the other woman even though you're going to give birth to his child, he obviously loves her more. You know, you cannot stay with a man who doesn't love you as much as you love him. Give him the ultimatum sweety. You can't keep being passive. If he doesn't choose you and the baby then you leave for good, but I don't think telling his fiance is a good idea.
2006-10-29 10:22:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wow,this is hard for you I can tell. Do you hurt the guy by telling his fiance' and possibly ending his engagement? Do you let him go on living a double life..being a dad to your child and married to another person? What happens when his new wife and him have their first baby?
He helped you make this child out of love - and yet he chooses -not to talk about it with the person he is going love and honor the rest of his life?
My answer.....ASSURE him FIRST that your not wanting to end his engagement to have him in a martial relationship with you. Then ASSURE him either he tells his fiance' or YOU will. And eventually even your child will.
Your not going to have your child lead a secretatve life about who fathered him/her ! The child isnt even born yet- and cannot say who his/her daddy is?? YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR CHILD THE BLESSING THAT GOD HAS GIVIN TO YOU??
WHY ARENT YOU SHOUTING IT OUT TO THE WORLD ???? Not everyone is as blessed as you are!
2006-10-29 10:39:58 · answer #5 · answered by Karen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am glad you atleast know what have you got your self into and that this guy is nothing but a **** who has taken you for a good ride and now is settling down,leaving you to have his baby and stick with it for your entire life....how could you decide to have a baby in this situation?what are you gonna give the baby now,a unfaithful father,a dependent mother a rude world where he/she will be last by birth,omg,how could you do this?
you know it for your self that he doesnt love you and he has only used you,get him out of your life or else he'll keep using you for the rest of your life,nd yes if possible let his fiancee know what is he all about and take charge of your life,be a lil responsible now that you gonna have a life to take care of,stop fooling around with such a guy in the name of love and pls grow up!!good luck!!
2006-10-29 10:23:04 · answer #6 · answered by country_girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would stay away from him. It's up to you if you tell the woman or not, but she will find out when you go for child support, which you should absolutely do. He's just stringing the two of you along and taking everything he can get.
2006-10-29 10:20:02 · answer #7 · answered by krazy_b81 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You owe it to her to tell her,wouldn't you want to know before you married the guy,and then get out of there.I'm sorry but he doesn't love you or his fiance,how could he? Don't be menipulated by him cos you love him,try and see it black and white if it were a friend in your situation what would you advise them.Look after number one x
2006-10-29 10:21:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with him first and tell him that you are carrying his child and that you should be the most important person in his life.Marrying that other woman would be a mistake on his part and if he continues to go on with the plans to marry her,then I would tell her.
2006-10-29 10:21:15 · answer #9 · answered by APOLLO 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you should tell her because you dont want his fiancee to start a marriage with no trust.. it will be so stressing to her if she found out after the wedding better b4 the wedding so that she can call it off....
good luck..
2006-10-29 10:22:34 · answer #10 · answered by Promise 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋