what should I do about my sister in law?

Question

I posted a question about this but now my hubby and I have had an argument about it.His sis has told him that she is not supposed to work now that she is in uni fulltime.That is a lie.I have a friend who went fulltime uni and worked fulltime nights to support herself and her family.Now my hubby continues to send money for all his sister's needs.He is already working 2 jobs and has suffered a heart attack in the past.I am getting disgusted by his sister's irresponsibilty

I work fulltime.My hubby also support her two kids since she is away at university and she decided she does not want support from her kids' fathers.Her mother takes care of her kids.Even her mom works parttime as an adult literacy teacher to pay my sister in law's rent

My friend did a degree in public health.My sister in law ,social work

Answer 1

She's a lazy cow.
Your hubby's a gullible git.
You should get yourself a job and have nothing to do with him financially.

Answer 2

Uni is college, university. Americans! LOL!

It sounds to me as though your sis in law is a very manipulative and selfish woman. I cannot offer any advise on this other than to tell you to suck it up because her family obviously supports her decisions over common sense.

A married brother with kids has no buisness supporting someone else no matter how close they are unless that person is willing to help themselves and she is not.

This woman is a taker and a vampire, sucking the blood from everyone she comes into contact with.
She is taking things from your family with her selfishness and he cannot see that.

Marriage is the formation of a new family unit that should always come before anything or anyone else and she is overstepping her bounds as just the sister here.

I wish you luck in this but I think you are fighting a losing battle.

Answer 3

She's not actually lying. many universities, particularly the older more traditional ones tell new student's that they're not supposed to work as understandably, it interferes with study. However, so does starvation or worrying about a relative that's had a heartattack.
Many students work, many student's have to work. Perhaps say to your husband that being at university is more than learning about her course, she has to learn to be inependent and learn to support herself more. He might reduce the payments, she may stop being so self absorbed and get a job. It's a first step without actually pulling your husband in two different directions; stressing him more and making you seem like the wicked witch.

Answer 4

wow - no wonder she doesn't work. she doesn't have too. she has a brother and a mum who treat her like a princess and do everything for her. what she needs is a reality check. stop paying things for her. it's ok to help with the kids ( on a small scale) cos why should they suffer and miss out on family attention. explain things to her - how you are worried about your husbands health, how you are struggling for money and thats why you are working, that your friend worked while studying etc etc etc. if all else fails then give her a good slap. that should bring her back into the real world. good luck.

Answer 5

His sister has said she's not 'supposed' to work full time, not that she's not allowed too, obvious advice because how can she study if she's knackered. i would stop hassling your hubby (might make him ill again) and try tackling your sister-in-law, what about their mum, she obviously wouldn't want to see your hubby getting stressed over this or perhaps there are other members of the family. Above all, be nice to hubby, be on his side, you'll find you'll have more influence that way.

Answer 6

Tell your hubby that YOU are not supposed to work to support his sis, so you'll be quitting your job. It isn't right that your family has to work 3 jobs and she works none. I'm serious, I would put my foot down, and say, "Hey, you're supposed to take care of OUR family, and I'm working to make OUR life better, not your sister's. If I don't get to reap the rewards of my hard work, then I'm not going to do it."

Answer 7

We all have choices in life as also we have responsibility.
If your SIL is wanting to go to Uni full-time, she has to be respoinsible for everything else in her life, ie: that means her children, her financial status, where she lives, etc, etc.
Lots of people I know are studying and working... they need to in order to pay for their university fees.

I don't think it is right that your husband is sending her money and suffering in the meantime.
There needs to be a stop to this before your husband gets very ill, you have a breakdown or your marriage breaksdown.
What is your husband saying about the matter?
Can't he not see? Dosn't he realise that you have bills, financial responsibilities. Who is paying his medical bills - her???

I speak from experience as I know how inlaws can bleed from you.
You need to address this again with your husband and If he choses to ignore you, you need to go to the SIL and speak with her. Now, you are going to be angry and if it is done in anger, there is going to be no resolution.
You need to speak(in love)and just let her know who worrying it has been for you. Plead with her and tell her that you feel it is not right for your husband to be paying her bills and meeting all the responsibilities. Tell her how taxing it is hard on you as well.

If she fails to listen to you, you will probably need to address the situation with your husband or try and get some type of legal
aid to cover yourself. I am sure there can be arrangements made whereby your money does not go to her.
I wish you well.
Speak to legal aid or a lawyer for further advice.

Answer 8

she sounds like a selfish moron. Her brother should be there for her, but he shouldn't have to support her by paying for her! I really would put your foot down and dont back down,because while she is away enjoying her student lifestyle,your family is suffering.Why dont you get some hard evidence about her not supposed to be working by calling her uni and asking them about it. Your husband is her brother, not her father ,and he has his own family to care for.She cant expect every one else to drop their lifes for her and look after her children too!Let your husband read the answers to your post and then see what he has to say!

Answer 9

by the way if your sister-in law is in the US or Canada
she is receiving financial aids for going to school
and you need to put your feet down about your husband he need to decide that he does not own his sister a to z
and it is because of them that the sister has been so irresponsible having babies with men that can't support her or their children
so if you are working my advise is to make sure that you put your money in a private account and pay the minimal
he can only find the money to take care of this extended family because you probably paying must of the bill
so time for you to take care of you
save you pay check
when he asks tell him since your sister needs come first for you
I need to look after myself
Good luck

Answer 10

oh my i cant beleive he is supporting her its not hes job she should get a job and now she is at uni should support herself maybe have a quiet word with her tell her whats what and u are worried about ur hubby if she dont care then she dont care about ur hubby which means he should be giving her nothing good luck hope it works out