When do I have to abolish the punishment?

Question

I live without my husband.I have 3 daughters, S(age 15), K(age 14) and J(age 14).K is pregnant from a guy she had had sex with(they didn't know each-other).K is in 8th month now.In my house the rules are sipmle - everybody does his house work which includes washing plates,mop floors,shopping,make the bed,tidy rooms,etc.Recently K pretends to feel tired because of the big belly and doesn't want to mop the floor in her room and tidy the room.I don't think she is right and the rule is - if you dare to get pregnant at 14,you have the consequences,so I don't treat her more indulgently than her sisters.After the complaint,I punished K and now she mops the floors in all rooms and tidies all the rooms.She also washes her clothes without a washing machine.When do I HAVE to abolish the punishment?I want her feel hard to do the work.She is in 31 week.Her belly is really big for a pregnant in 8-th month.When she will REALLY be unable to do the work?

Answer 1

once they are 18+

Answer 2

Well She should have to do chores around the house. I wouldn't make her do all the house work (washing all floors). I also think making her wash her laundry by hand is not connected to anything you have stated and should not be in this.
You need to keep in mind she is 14 and pregnant. Her body not only trying to grow into an adult is growing a baby. Too much stress can cause her body problems and the baby inside her. Her tiredness is normal in pregnancy. There are days when I was pregnant that all I could do was lay there.
Yes she needs to be responsible. Yes she needs to do chores. You need to speak with her and works something out. You should probably talk to her doctor and see what they say her limits on house work/ daily activities should be.
Maybe if this doesn't work you can find a home for pregnant teens that helps them with their birth, baby, education, and all things needed to get on their feet when they are having or have a baby.
Good Luck

Answer 3

if you are say that she is really big for eight months, I would say that she probably really is very tired. I don't think that you are punishing her for not cleaning up her room. I think that you are punishing her for getting pregnant. Actually you have pretty much stated this in your question. I know that founding out that your young daughter is pregnant is disappointing but she needs your support right now. I am not saying that she should be exempt from doing chores, I am only saying that maybe you should have her doing the less strenuous ones. Yes, she should be keeping her room clean but goodness gracious why are you making her scrub her clothes by hand. That is just cruel. Would you be this hard on her if she wasn't pregnant. I don't understand why you punished her because she noticed that you are treating her differently than her sisters. You yourself stated that this is what you are doing. I know that you are disappointed but don't mistreat her because she made a "mistake" (I really don't like wording it this way", please be supportive of her, she really needs it right now.

Answer 4

You have had 3 kids, you know how tired you can get in the last few months of being pregnant! But life does go on if your pregnant or not.... but just make sure that you aren't giving her so much that you know she could hurt herself or the baby!
Don't let her work with chemicals, and mopping and vaccuming can strain her back, so be careful...... if she gets hurt, it will be worse for both of you, not just her!
And make sure you know why you are giving her so many chores, don't punish her and the baby... and don't give her more chores than your other kids....
Good luck!

Answer 5

Well she should be able to work throughout her pregnancy, but don't put too much stress on her. Also make sure she doesn't have to breath in any chemicals from the mopping or anything like that. She should have a long rest though after she has the baby, so she has time to heal and spend time with the new baby

Answer 6

YOU and your daughter need counceling, immediately!

You are understandably disappointed at your daughter for getting pregnant. But you are also angry, and it appears that you're taking this anger out on her by expecting her to "do hard labor".

Although 14 years old is way too young to have a baby, both physically and emotionally, the fact is, even a grown woman becomes physically tired while carrying a child. A child of 14 is not physically and emotionally equipped to safely be pregnant and deliver a child.

A mistake has been made on both your daughter's and YOUR part. Communication and education (regarding relationships and sexual activity) is extremely important between parents and teens. It appears that YOU have failed on this account. Are you only angry at her, or are you angry at yourself as well, because you recognize your failture and she's made you look bad? Now you are taking it out on her.

In any case, it would be hard enough for your daughter, who you say is quite large, to do just HER regular chores, considering her age, while pregnant. She could develop Toximia normally, because of her age, without all of that hard labor, but even more so, because you are forcing her to push the limit. You could end up losing her daughter, one way or the other. Because Toximia poisons the body, it could cause major complications and even kill her...and/or because of your lack of concern, compassion, support and love, she very well may leave home, once the baby is born. If she did die because of complications that develop due to how she's been treated, you could be charged with indirectly killing her due to your abusive treatment. I'm sure your other daughters would be glad to testify against you!

What you are doing IS abuse. You already KNOW that you're being abusive, because you're questioning yourself, and now, asking others. WHY are you punishing her...she's being punished enough just having to carry a baby full term, and the delivery won't be easy for her either. If she keeps the baby, she'll have plenty to do! I'm curious to know why you haven't approached a doctor with this question, instead of asking people in an internet forum....or are you afraid to, because you know you'll be reported for child abuse?

I certainly hope your daughter gives her baby up for adoption, once it's born. Because of your poor parenting skills, she hasn't had a good role model, so her chances of being a good mother have been tainted. There are SO many wonderful couples who can't have children, who would love to have that precious child! The baby will be given the chance to be raised in a loving, non-abusive, and healthy household, where s/he is wanted, not resented. You have no right, (and no business) having another child grow up in your household, with your lack of compassion and parenting skills. Perhaps the question here should be, who's going to "punish" you???

Answer 7

14!!! Good Grief!!!

I am sure she is tired but she is VERY young, she can handle it. She is completely capable of doing chores around the house. For punishment I agree with extra chores but washing clothes by hand and putting all the work on her is a bit extreme.

Answer 8

I worked 2 full time jobs until 2 weeks before I delivered. I went home after my 14-16 hour days and cleaned my house...spotless. Pregnancy is not an illness. Unless she has complications outside of a normal pregnancy, it should not affect her work load. I had a very difficult pregnancy, but it was all "normal" pregnancy symptoms. I was also very large. I gained 68 lbs and had a 9 lb baby. After the baby is born, she'll need a few weeks (more for a cesarean) to take it easy, and care for the new baby (unless she is giving it up for adoption, of course).

Answer 9

hope you arent the cause of her losing her baby ..she may be telling you the truth. go to the doctor with her. I understand the need to punish her but the baby didnt do it. the two young kids did. if you still feel the need make her do it all after her 6 week check up but to take the chance to lose youre grandchild well thats unforgivable

Answer 10

I totally agree with Juice813. To punish her for the cleaning and not doing her share is one thing. To punish her for what happened, well it's now water under the bridge and you need to support her. My heart goes out for you and them right now.

Answer 11

If she has no health problems besides the pregnancy, she can do any work she had before she was pregnant right up to the time of delivery. (Ex. You did your work right up til the time of your third delivery, didn't you, so can she.) However, if she is currently doing her sisters work, what are they doing to compensate?