Should I feel guilty for dumping my boyfriend?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 years. He has cheated on me, lied to me, and recently decided he doesn't want children, and I do... I'm 36.
We split up earlier this year, and have been back together for about 3 months. He's been trying really hard... but I just can't get my head around all the lies and cheating, and that he slept with someone else whilst we were engaged.
Also, when we had our 'split' I started building up a nice easy social life with really nice people. I've been enjoying 'hanging out' with them, they're fun and laid back and easy to get on with.
And to be honest, I'd rather be with them than with him.
My ex has however tried so VERY HARD to make things right... but I have so many bad thoughts about the past.
So last night I finished with him, and I feel awful about it. It ended badly, and out of the blue (for him), but I've been so unhappy and just want to start afresh.
I am a softy I admit... but is it normal to feel guilty for ending it?

Answer 1

likely normal to feel sorry for him if you have records of proof oer what you saying about his cheating.otherwise you gat no reasons to feel guilt.you gat reasons to appreciate what was unearthen before you got into a life time committment.Just say to your self am lucky to have the cup of pain pass me.

Answer 2

Breaking up any relationship is always hard as there are a range of emotions and feelings. If you have been honest both to yourself and your partner although it might not be what he wanted to hear it is the right thing to do. You cannot live a lie and just trying to make things workout isn't always enough. It sounds like you have tried really hard both during your relationship and whilst you made-up but it just isn't working and the trust element appears to have been lost. I think so long as you tried to explain and didn't turn into a "*****" (easier said then done when faced with some behaviours) then you have done the right thing. The guilt is normal, you have had feelings for this person and of course its still going to hurt to see them upset, especially as they have tried hard. But so have you and better to do this know then continue living a lie and ending up resenting him further. So curl up with some biscuits, tissues and a quilt, feel naff for a day or two... then get on with life. Hard as this is it will get easier and the skills of being assertive and honest will help you next time you face personal issues. Good luck girl, been there myself... the guilt will reduce!

Answer 3

Hi!

Yes, it's normal to feel guilty.

However, now you've made the split and from what you've written, I think you know in your heart of hearts that you've made the right decision.

Your social life sounds perfect, and these people sound like your kind of people.

Life really is too short and I think you deserve better. Believe me, your true soul mate is out there waiting for you.

I know your ex has put in a lot of work into the reconciliation, but a leopard never changes his spots. He's made a huge mistake which he obviously regrets, but you're obviously too good for him.

You'll feel guilty for a little while longer - simply accept it as part of the 'severance package'. As they say, time's a great healer', you've just got to be patient with yourself.

Go out there and have the great life that you deserve, minus your ex!

Best of luck!

Answer 4

After that amount of time together its natural to feel bad. Its ounds like you tried everything you could to continue and work throought the hiccups of the relationship. Your ex may have tried hard too puit things right, however once something has broken that trust it cannot always be mended. In the case that it cant be healed this is the best thing for BOTH of you. Now you can both heal before moving on.
Good luck.

Answer 5

This is so normal. Just remember the reason you broke up with him in the first place. Stay strong! If whatever ruined the relationship changes, then i suppose you could feel guilty, or if it was all a misunderstanding. If you still feel really guilty, what i do is listen to a happy song. That always helps!!! :) I hope this helped!!!!!

Answer 6

Yes, it's normal to feel guilty. But to be honest, you did the right thing. If you're unhappy with him because of what he's done and want someone or something else...you need to move forward, not backward. If he's not what you want, why string him along? Don't lie to yourself or to him, otherwise you're just as bad as he is. So kudos to you for making the right decision for yourself and this relationship. Who knows, maybe in the future you will feel differantly for him and might want to start afresh involved with him...but for now, you are in the right.

Answer 7

You are not soft, for the fact that you have taken so much lies & cheating from him you decided to ditch him.
You shouldn't have to live your life wandering if he is cheating or lying.
He should be the one licking his wounds not you, because so much have been thrown at you...time is a healer you don't need this..he will come running back, but you have to be stronger as the feelings are still there.

I hope you sort it

Answer 8

no you shouldn't because you were unhappy with him and this eventually will take its toll.

You feel bad for having hurt his feelings. This is normal. After all you've been together for 3 years. But what about YOUR feelings? Don't you deserve to be happy again?

He had his second chance but it didn't work. Now it's your turn!

Good luck

Answer 9

you have made the best desicion ever, an ex is an ex for a reason! if you keep taking him back you would keep pressing the self destruct button. and well donr for moving on and finding other people in your life. you may be soft but you sound strong willed to me. please dont take him back its only a matter of time before he breaks your heart again

Answer 10

Why did you want to go back to a liar and a cheat in the first place? Move onwards and upwards your on a roll!!!!