PLEASE HELP. So sad right now. All advice.?

Question

K. Today my mom left my dad. They been together about 20 years. I'm 18 going on 19 next week. My sister is 16. And my mom want's a devorse. My mom is on drugs and my parent's always fights . My mom went to her mom's house and this time she wont come back . She wont answaer my calls and my dad is so unhappy . He wont eat or sleep or even talks to anybody , he cries , and I try to cheer him up. I do all I can to help , I clean and cook and everything. Now I might have to drop out if shcool for awhlie to help . My sister is never home and I worry about my dad. What can I do to cheer him up or get my mom to stop doing drugs? My grandma and grandpa hates my dad , cause they think that my dad is doing this to her. But he's not. This has been going on since I was a baby. My grandpa has even told my dad he was going to kill him. I'm so unhappy cause my dad is sad. All of us and my boyfriend were going to go to Disneyland and stay the night at the beach. But we're till going . But not my mom.

And my dad waits up at night , just to see if she comes back. What can I do. And I have a boyfriend , his parent's split up to and my will . We plan to get married and have kids after college . Is it possable we will end up like are parent';s or will we be differen't ? And sorry if this is long . But I REALLY NEED HELP. tHANK YOU.

Answer 1

My heart goes out to all of you. Now, first of all, please understand that your parents' relationship is not broken or fixed by you. All you can do is be supportive and a good listener. You can't fix your mom's drug habit and you can't stop your dad from feeling sad. I know it feels awful right now, but your dad will be less sad soon when the initial pain has worn off, and as for your mom's drug habit, she has to realize herself that this isn't healthy. Please don't think that your relationship will end up that way when or if you get married. Your parents' problems are their own, and trust me, there is no way a child can know all that has gone on between a man and a woman, you just can't. 20 years is a long time, but that also means there is 20 years of painful things that eventually add up if the relationship has been up and down. This may be the best thing for them. Remember that. Just be nice to both your parents and let them know you love them, no matter what.

Answer 2

First I would like to say I am so sorry that you are in this situation. You sound like a very loving daughter and I think you are doing just about everything you can. You are supportive of both of your parents and you are trying to help as much as possible. However, please do not drop out of school, you need the education, this is a temporary situation with your parents, but not having a proper education can follow you around your entire life.
You might consider joining a self help support group such as Alateen or Alanon, which are groups for the loved ones of a drug addict or alcoholic.
Go to Disneyland and have fun, if you can.

I wish you the very best.

Peace.

If you need help finding a support group do blind/blind e-mail through the Yahoo server, and I'll see if I can get you pointed in the right direction.

Answer 3

wow you have such a complex situation. But everything happens for a reason and something good will come out of it. You're a strong caring person and things will work out. My parents always fight and I can't figure out why they haven't left each other either but it will be okay. Just tell your dad that the world doesn't go away if he closes his eyes so he has to face it and move on if he can't convince your mother to get some help. I know how painful this must be. It'll be okay. And about your grandparents. When people can't accept the truth about someone they love they often place the blame on someone else. They know it's not his fault but they really love your mom

I wish you the best of luck

Answer 4

You are trying to take on too much. You cannot fix your mum's drug problems, or your grand-parents false impression of what has caused her to turn to drugs.
It's great that you are helping your dad out on the home front, but do not, repeat do not, drop out of school. You will be changing your whole future if you do, and not for the better. Do you really think your dad needs another thing to worry about right now, like you throwing away your chance at a good education?

Answer 5

There is nothing you can do. All you can do is be there for both your parents and accept what has happened. It hard but you don't want to think of the alternative. Don't think that your life will be like your parents cuz it wont be because your concious of this and you wont let it. As for you, i think you should look after yourself and your sister as much as you can. It good to hear that you have collage plans which means your thinking of the future.Which is good.You should always do that. But the most imprtant thing of all at the moment is yourself and your sister. As for the disneyland thing, just go and try to enjoy the day, you need it. You also need to make sure that you try and keep contact with your mum and be there for her aswell. But what ever you do don't take sides cuz that will do you more damage than good and it's thier problem, no-body else..............Good luck and God Bless.....Also Try and make you grandparent see what you do....I think that they do cuz they have to see that your mum is on drugs and they don't want to accept it.

Answer 6

Go to the beach. This is not your problem, its your parents. Only your mom can make herself stop the drugs. Your parents need this time today to calm down and reflect. Dont quit school! Dont waist your life because of your folks. If your dad is that unhappy, he needs professional help, and despite your best efforts, cooking and cleaning and a smile wont cut it. The best you can do is be supportive of both your parent, dont take sides, dont enable either one of them, look after your sister, love them all, and take care of your self and be the best that you can be. Set the example.

Answer 7

Youre father is an adult and he will find a way thru this. I'm not saying dont be there for him but the one thing in your post that makes me concerned is you said your 16 year old sister is never home. She is the one I'd be worried about. She is still a kid and needs guidance and love. You should get involved with her and make sure she is not getting into any trouble and has someone to talk to. She doesnt have any choices about what is going on in the family.

Answer 8

First - , My heart goes out to you, it is tough enough finding your own way in life at this age, let alone with a family that is screwier. As you age you'll realize that this is how most all families are. Its real life, just some are better at hiding it than others. This seems to be your situation. When you have so many smoking guns under 1 roof it just makes sense that your gunna have to at least stick your head out to get some fresh air sooner or later. Just know that " Things ALWAYS work out in the end! they do Though it may not even closely resemble what you wanted , hoped or expected.
Second - Your little Sis is the one who most needs you now. If your going to take care of someone , let it be you and your Sis. You both need to stick together. But YUCK, dealing with a 16 yr old period is difficult, challenging and even more difficult when your a level headed adult let alone a Sister only 2yrs older. Tell me more about her personality. Do you think she may be experimenting with drugs,what types of friends does she hang with, how's her grades. you'll get alot more help from all of us parent's and siblings who've been there done that .K
Third - Do not try to be a parent to your parents. this is very important. They are the adults even if they arent acting like it at the moment. LET your Dad cry, not eat, and be by himself, if he wants or needs to grieve ,LET HIM! He may have alot of emotional stuff built up and this is his way of releasing, it is a part of the healing process, if you baby him you will hinder his growth. So back off.
Could you elaborate on your mother a bit more .What is your Mom's drug of choice. how often does she use etc...
Your grand parents are just doing what they think is right. They are standing by their little girl come hell or high water and they dont care what she has done they are protecting her, there is nothing wrong with that. As far as your grandpa , I'm sure he said those things in great anger , as we all have said things when we're angry, and you may have meant it and even still do , but that doesn't mean you would actually do it , you understand? Just try to recall some memories of when you've been mad at your Sis, I'll bet you wished at some point you could just wring her neck "literally" but you wouldn't would you, its the same thing with your Grandpa. If your parents have been together for 20 yrs. sounds like the grandparents stay out of it for the most part rite?


The best thing for your parents is to give them some time. Let the dust settle. If your Mom doesn't want to go to Disneyland , so be it.
Ask your Grandparents to take You and your Sis. Just the 4 of you, give Mom and Dad time alone. When they are ready they will work it out in their own way, they seem to have a pretty good track record so far.
OH I almost Forgot...... LEAVE THE BOYFRIEND AT HOME!!!!!! HE WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE>>>>TheLAST THING YOU NEED IS TO GIVE YOUR PARENTS GRANDCHILDREN!!!!THEY ARE STILL LEARNIN' HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES WAIT TILL THEY ARE READY..

ONCE MORE ...LEAVE THE BOYFRIEND IN THE DUST, IF HE IS UNDER 25 AND THAT IS PUSHING IT HE ONLY IS LOOKING 4 1 THING IF HE SAYS DIFFERENT HE IS TELLING YOU A LIE!!!!!
And sorry for my novel folks.

Answer 9

How long has it been? it extremely is between the main painful stories I certainly have ever been by different then looking out that my husband have been cheating on me. whilst my husband left me it wasn't till 8 or 9 months to the place i ought to flow out and experience myself without questioning of him. Now the cheating took me 9 years to recover from each and all of the wear and tear yet once you have the two cheating and your husband leaving you on suitable of it your in a nightmare state and purely time will help. I remembering crying so difficult end then yawn and start to cry back. i might think of approximately others who're heart broken and sense the way i do perfect now. i might say i'm enhanced then this i will get by this merely get by the subsequent 5 minutes etc etc till the day is over and you initiate yet back. that's approximately all you're able to do till sooner or later you awaken and your husband leaving you isn't the 1st component that pops on your head.

Answer 10

That's alot for you to take on you first need to stay in school you will never get that chance back, do this not only for you but for your dad too. It will give him something to be happy about but if he has to worry about you not graduating that will upset him more. Just be there for him and let him know you love him. Your mom obviously needs desperate help. You can't make this your problem you need to be happy and succeed and this will help your dad, he needs positive things around him. I'm sorry your all so sad.