My relationship with my father is hurting me?

Question

Today is the first time I seriously felt this way. It is a long story, but basically, my dad seems to love his sister, brother, mother more then his own kids and wife. Don't get me wrong, he loves us. But when it comes to situations in which there is a conflict on interest between my dad's sister/mother and me and my mom, then my dad seems to favor his sister/mother every single time.

See, my dad's sister and mother treat my mom and myself like crap. My dad always ignores this fact and even sometimes favors his mom and sister.

What bothers me more is that he is not even approachable to talk about with this issue. He is extremely stubborn about it and usually when we try talking to him about it he yells and ignores us.

And just today I realized that this is hurting me and is giving me a lot of stress. I am 18 by the way, just in case someone is wondering.

Someone please help me. Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

he is probably really intimidated by his mother & sister. they have probably been doing such things to him his entire life.

if you can't talk to your father, then you really can't deal with this issue. you need to be able to tell him how you feel & have him be willing to work on the issue with you. i know it sounds cheesy and high-school-ish, but i would suggest writing a letter to him explaining how you feel, but also explaining to him that you want to work out the problem and show willingness to change your habits as well. when writing a letter like this, i would suggest holding onto it for 2 days before you give it to him. this way, you can proof-read it and re-word issues and change your mind if you decide you worded things poorly. this is the only other alternative to verbal communication with your father.

other than that, what else can you do? sorry & good luck.

Answer 2

Oh boy that's a hard one. Sometimes there's not much you can do. I have sort of a similar thing with my family in that I am treated not so nicely by someone and when I've said this has to stop, I'm the one who is the bad person. Yet I'm supposed to accept insults and mean things said to me and people I love. The only answer I've had to my own situation is to stay away except for specific events. For your dad, maybe if you write him a letter, telling him how you feel (in a non threatening or judgemental way) - he may not realize that this hurts you. Just a thought.

Answer 3

Your dad made a choice a long time ago. You are old enough now to make a choice, too. You can choose to remove yourself from a relationship with your grandmother and aunt and uncle. You can chose to accept these folks as they are. You cannot chose to change the behaviors.

When you do interact with family treat them with respect. Respond to what they say to you. Not react. Respond. Take a breath, think of what you want to say, and say it calmly and respectfully. This teaches Respect. If someone speaks to you disrespectfully you can say, " I don't speak to you like that....Why would you speak to me that way?" And they have to think.

If a conversation deterriorates and you are getting stressed, just say, " I can't talk about this right now." and end the conversation.

You can't change their behaviors. You may be able to influence them.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like your old man didn't want you in the first place. But don't let it get you down. You could have him one day and loose him the next. If you want to make sure he loves you, leave home for a few days. Spend some time at a friends house, just let your mother know and tell her not to say anything to the old guy. Or when he starts to take his mommy's side, tell him why don't you just go and live with your family and get the hell out of our lives dead beat!

Answer 5

He needs to face life and when he marries and have children that family should come first. If there is a conflict between his wife and mother, he needs to solve it and make peace. This is his job as a husband and son.

Also, maybe you need to sit and talk to him. NOT at him. Explain how you feel. Maybe it just seems this way and needs to be brought to his attention. Be nice and respectful It is your father.

Answer 6

I am sorry that you feel this way, and it appears like you have at least trued talking to him and he has remained stubborn, I would recommend that you talk to your close family friemd who can talk to him and in the mean time, seek a good community or church where you can get support, this may affect you in the future if not taken care of right now.