I would like advice from parents of 18 year olds still living at home.?

Question

Our 18 year old son has been super spoiled most of his life. He has always gotten pretty much whatever he wants. It's starting to backfire on us a bit. Now he even gets $419/month from my Soc Security disability payment while still in high school. He wants to save ALL that money so he can move out asap, by next spring or summer. He does help us out a lot to fix up rental properties that we have....on his own, he offers his help. We pay his $560/month car note, insurance, $370 for private school, he has our gas card, we pay his mobile phone of $50, buy his clothes, etc etc. He is a pretty decent kid, makes great grades, etc.

I would like to know if other parents make their 18 year olds pay for part of their own expenses, especially when they say they are saving to move out !! To me, he should be required to at least pay us a small monthly amount. He works every weekend on our rental property. PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE!!! THANKS!!!!!

Answer 1

My kids are 19, 17, 13....the 19 year old moved to Florida to go live with my parents, go to ITT Tech and work two jobs in August. She drove her own car down.


I guess he just assumes you will continue to make those payments. If that is not your intention then you need to make that known. I don't have a problem with you guys continuing to pay what you've already committed to as long as he is living with you. ( I do have issue with a $560.00 a month car payment for a kid.. How is he supposed to take that on? Consider getting another car, something that will fit into his budget. Or if you are very wonderful you might just offer to pay off half, and refinance at a lower payment. This is always a nice Christmas present.)

He doesn't sound like a bad young man. He saved the money (didn't blow it on beer, or drugs or women). He wants to move out when he's 19. (How much longer do you want him to stay?) Sounds normal to me.

Help him come up with a budget. Looks to me like he has a minumum monthly responsibility of 880.00 to pay (Car, insurance, gas, phone). What other expenses will he incur? Rent, food, clothing, cable, internet, electric bill, car maintenence......Determine how much income he will need. He may want to work part time right now to have some work experience under his belt before he sets up house. It's all about building that foundation.

Try to see him as that prepared, responsible young man who is going to walk out your door for the last time next year. You have the gift of time and foresight. Help him to become the independent young man he longs to be.

Answer 2

Well I can relate to what you are saying here. I don't have my daughter at home any more but........I did just go threw this not long ago with her. Only difference between her and your son is...she got her a job shortly after getting out of school. She wanted to move out as soon as possible. So I let her save some of her money but I did ask her to pay for her own bills that she had while living still with me. So she paid for her house phone(she had a phone in her bedroom), cell phone, and the insurance on the truck that she was driving. I wanted her to get a little taste of what she was going to get when she moved out. That was the best thing that I could have done for her as she IS making it on her own and doing good except for the fact that her boyfriend moved in with her and really doesn't pay anything. He has lived with her for over a year now and she is doing great for being able to support them both on her income. And I too spoiled her rotten while she lived with me, giving her everything under the sun it seemed like. By they way, my daughter could stay with me as long as she wanted to, I didn't care if she wanted to live with me for ever. And we have a great relationship to this day!!!!

Answer 3

As being a former spoiled teen, I completely understand your dilemma. My parents paid for everything. My car, my insurance, my bills, basically everything.

Now as an adult, I am paying for it in the long run. My husband was raised completely different. My husband had to pay for everything, and at 18, he was more financially stable than I ever thought about being. So he is the financial planner in our relationship. My husband is used to doing without nice things in order to go to school, drive a car, etc. I am, let's just say, not so used to this. It has been especially hard on me, seeing as how I grew up with everything handed to me. Now that our income isn't as significant as my parents....I have been having to make do with less. Which is really hard.

You should make him pay for something. That way he will appreciate everything that you do for him. Even if he only pays for half of his school and his cell phone bill. That would only be $235. With all the money that he is in-taking, he could save the rest. This way he will realize the value of a dollar. Saying that you won't continue to pay all his bills after he moves out, he needs to learn to budget his money. I know that he works for you on the weekends, but most people work two jobs to make ends meet. Sit him down and explain to him that this is not a punishment, but if he wants to move out...then he needs to be prepared. He needs to understand that people in the real world get punished for not making payments. (This is something I didn't learn until I was 19!!) You need to remind him how proud you are of him for making good grades, staying out of trouble, and helping you on the weekends. STRESS how proud you are of him. But tell him that he needs to learn to be financially independant. So while he is still at home, you are going to help him with this. That way when he moves out, you won't have to bail him out of financial trouble all the time.

I know that saving money and budget planning were two things that I never learned. I wish that my parents had been more conscience about the amount of money that they gave me. If they had, I am sure that I would be a much better person. Not to mention much better with money.

Answer 4

When I started working part time, my mother insisted I give her something every pay, and when I started working (and while I was saving to move out) she insisted I pay "rent". It wasn't a lot but her thought was that if I was making money, I should contribute. I thought at the time it was understandable, and when my kids start working, yes, I think they should contribute. If they want something special that isn't basic necessity I make them save their allowance to buy it (if Santa Claus doesn't find them first, lol). I don't think it is mean, it helps them build an understanding of the cost of things, and it helps the family. They benefit too if their money goes towards food or a night out at a restaurant or a new t.v. or something.

Answer 5

It sounds like you want to keep him at home. It's good that you have realized that you spoiled him a little too much. I suggest that you have him pay for his own gas, his phone, his clothes and leisure expenses. If he isn't willing to pay for his own gas then he should find another way to get around or drive less. If he doesn't want to pay for his phone then he shouldn't have one. If he doens't want to pay for his clothes, he should stick to othe ones he already has. If he doesn't want to pay for things when he goes out, then he better find things to do for free. You are already paying for his school, car, and insurance. You need to set your kid up to be responsible, how is he going to survive when he does move out? You can't have him depend on you all the time. He's 18, let him experience adulthood for a change.

Answer 6

once a child becomes of age, they should start supporting themselves and contributing to the home they are living in. As for age. doesnt matter. Different countries and cultures have different ideals.. Where I live in SaudiArabia children live with their parents until they get married (which could be in late 30's) But however saying this, they do work and contribute to the family upkeep, groceries, home repairs, cars etc and definetly pay for their own expenses like insurance, health care etc.

Answer 7

i have a daughter that is almost 21 she has been working at the same job since she was 17 she finished school and works very hard we do not ask her to give us any money but she pays for her own things buys her own clothes pays her cell phone bill pays her own car payment and insurance has her own health insurance at work has a membership at a gym last month when her brother died she gave us what she could to help pay for his funeral we are very proud of her i guess we are lucky that she refuses to let us pay her bills she thinks that she should take care of herself have a good evening

Answer 8

sounds like you make it way to easy for him,sounds like a good kid, but it would be better for him to have more financial responsability to more prepare him for the real world, one way to go about it would be to demand rent at the very least, and you could save it for him for when the day comes when he does make that leap.(and not tell him) your paying almost 1000 a month thats crazy, make him pay for his own gas if you dont put your foot down and prepare him for the way it's gonna be when he does move out he will never make it.

Answer 9

i dont have a 18 year old son, but it will make him more responsible, its now time to start grooming and preparing for the real world were nothing is given and everything is earned.

Answer 10

culture and traditional differences, in my culture, children can stay with their parents as long as they want, in fact most of them stay until they are in their late 20's and guess what, they have very good relationships.

Do what you gotta do but remember this chap knows no other home, if you make him pay, you will cause pain and when he lives home I doubt that he will want anything to do with you.

Why do we have so many senior homes by the way? think for a moment...