Having only one child is it selfish?

Question

I have a 4 year old daughter who has had heart problems but were never linked to genitics however I don't know that for sure it wasn't genitic. Other than that and finacialy, I really have no reason to not have another child. I feel like I am just using excuses to find a reason when really it's because my daughter has just now gotten to where a lot of the workload is gone and with a new baby I would be back at square one I know it's selfish I just don't want to go back to that. On the other hand, I was the third child what if my mom had decided that 2 was already too much of a workload. Does anyone else feel this way?

Answer 1

However many children you decide to have, it is your choice and no one else's. Do not have another child if you are not totally wanting the child and the commitment. I have three children of my own and I disagree with some of the comments about having children is selfish. Having a child is one of the most selfless things you can do, you sacrifice so much for them and to them because you love them. My boys are my world to me and I wouldn't trade them for anything. They have helped to make me the person I am today. Unfortunately some people will never see that. Kids are alot of work, but the rewards totally outweigh the work. Each one of my boys are 5 years apart and it was like starting all over again. But they make it worth it when they climb up in your lap, place one hand on each side of your face and give you a kiss and tell you they love you. There is nothing in this world that compares to being a mother/parent. And if you can experience that with just one child then that is totally up to you. It's your choice, no one else's. And you shouldn't feel bad.

Answer 2

I agree, there is never the right time for a child. But the 2nd child is so much easier! You already have the experience and know-how. Your daughter will also be able to help you with this child. Sometimes with the first child, you feel like you can not love another person as much as you love your first child, but you find that you do have more love to give.

I think every child deserves a sibling. But it doesnt matter what I think. Look into your heart and you will find the answer. Having one child is NOT a bad thing. If life is meant for you to have more children, it will happen.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Not exactly. I think having more than one child is selfish. The world is over populated and there are enough unwanted and unloved children out there that need homes but, instead women are insisting that their genetics be passed on like they are so special.

And personally, I'm childfree. I refuse to breed for this reason and others. You have the right to enjoy your life. Life isn't about procreating and procreating and procreating and nothing else! That would be so pointless sort of like a virus or a bacteria. You deserve experiences beyond simply popping out kids especially since you've been there and done that and would rather not do it again.

Selfishness is a vice. It's something taken to the extreme. It's okay to think of yourself and your own personally well being sometimes.

If you want your daughter to have a sibling, consider adopting a child who needs love instead of inventing one. You can also adopt an older child who won't be as annoying as a newborn.

Answer 4

There's no rule that says you've gotta keep pumping kids out as long as you're able. Having one child is perfectly acceptable. You'll be able to give more to the daughter you have. I think it's a myth that all only children are spoiled. Just be sure she's properly socialized. My first is in the oven, and I plan on having only one. I don't think I'm being selfish. Heck! Having one is unselfsh enough girl!

Answer 5

It sounds like you aren't ready for another child at this time. The thought of going back to diapers and everything is exhausting, not exciting for you. Who says your children can't be further apart? I know lots of siblings who are 5 - 10 years apart.

Wait until you are ready, emotionally and financially. If you have a baby to be "fair" to your daughter, you could end up resenting the new baby.

Answer 6

Yes, my daughter is turnign 3 years old, and I am also not ready for a new baby. She is just potty training and dressing herself.

I decided to have another for various reasons:

-there is never a perfect time to have a baby
-if something happens to me and my husband she will be all alone
-she is getting all our attention (including 2 grandmothers, 2 granfathers, one great grandmother and a lot of aunts) so I think she is getting a little bit spoiled with all the attention.

Good luck with your decision, you must remember, this time around your daughter will help you

Answer 7

Woah. You have genetic and financial concerns about having another baby. Those are two massive reasons alone, never mind together! If you want another baby, make a plan for the next year so to get on a better financial track, and to do more genetic counseling. Once your money and genetic fears are totally calmed and stabilized, then you should start thinking about whether or not to have another kid.

Answer 8

You really need to do what you feel is best for your circumstances.
I know that feeling .. I felt that way too ... then ended up having one more ... can't imagine my life without huim of course (he was $ 4, and I was almost 30, and just out of diapers, etc with my then youngest).

Don't worry about it being selfish or not.
Do what is in your heart, you don't want to regret a child.
And you may change your mind down the road.

Answer 9

Your not being selfish at all.at leat you can give your daughter the attention she needs.why put yourself through more stress If you ready for another child then go for It . If not wait for the right time when you and your family are ready for extra work .I have one child to but I love It .you can give them more attention and do more for them and If you feel like shes lonley bring her to play groups or make playdates.Also a babyis also a blessing and If your ready for a baby god will know when the right time is. Good luck

Answer 10

you are not selfish!!! many people feel that one is enough. i'm having similar feelings, though i have always wanted two, i'm not sure if i'm going to want to start over with a newborn. though its worth it in the end it seems that with a child, and a career it may be easy to stretch one's self to far. well, even with out a career really babies need a lot and since you've had one i know you know!!! i do no believe that you are selfish, esp with all that you went through with the first. no one can tell you how many children is right for you.