I'm almost positive my boyfriend's niece is autistic - and the family doesn't seem to realize it?

Question

I recently met my boyfriend's sister and her three year old daughter "Kayla" for the first time. I am a teacher who has experience with autistic children, and Kayla showed every single classic symptom of a child with rather severe autism. The family seems to know that something is "off" with her, but finds ways to justify her behaviors. I made a small check list of Kayla's behaviors and carefully brought up my observations to my boyfriend, who seemed really surprised but after looking through my books on autism agreed with me. However, he absolutely does not want to bring anything up to his sister. I certainly don't feel comfortable saying anything, but she really needs to get Kayla evaluated so she can start getting her help. Any ideas on what to do?

Answer 1

same problem here my nephew is adhd and the parents are blind! i spoke up and they still have not done anything . all you have to do is suggest and that's it. you did your part.

Answer 2

There is not much you can do if you aren't comfortable bringing up the issue with her mom...I agree that Kayla needs to be evaluated because early intervention is the key to progress. Autism has a huge spectrum, so although she may exhibit many autistic like behaviors, it may be something different. If there is no one to approach mom, then she will have to face the reality when Kayla goes to school, because they WILL confront mom.

Answer 3

Anonymously put her on the mailing list for CAN (Cure Autism Now) or the Autism Society of America. She will read likely read some of the material sent to her, hopefully recognize the symptoms & get help.

If you are around her another time, get the subject onto your experiences at school & start talking bit about some of the autistic kids you've dealt with. NOT like you are talking to her about Kayla. Just like you are discussing your job.

Eventually, if she chooses to stay in denial, someone needs to have a blunt conversation with her. If no one else will, maybe your should bite the bullet & do it yourself.

Answer 4

You know I know that you're def. trying to help , but why would your boyfriend not want to speak to his sister about his niece and her 'possible disablity'? Sometimes I wonder how people just deal with children who have certain disablities, and I see that they just 'ignore the problem.

This past month my daughter had her 3rd birthday, and my friend brought her 3 yr old grandson to the party. This child wasn't speaking, he was unruly, he was screaming at the top of his lungs for almost the entire length of 4 hours. He had 'me' exhausted from all his screaming. you'd think they were killing him. Either way, this week I took it upon myself to contact an evaluation center and have them talk to the child's mother and thank god she's starting her evaluation process now. She told me her child is very , very wild and she doesn't go anywhere because no one wants him around with his horrible behavior. I told her to get on the ball and do what she has to in order to help him. He's 3 and not speaking, that's a sign there. Use it.

Answer 5

I think you need to sit you BF down & tell him how important it is that he have aserious talk with his sister & make sure he lets her know her daughter NEEDS to get evaluated! Also have him take the check list w/ him & some books or info on autism & how important it is she recieve treatment as early as possible so in the future she may be able to have a semi productive life. Also, make sure he doesn't ask for a answer that day, rather let it sink in & time for her to look at the materials you will provide them with. Have him call her in a day or two & have him let her know the both of you will be ther for support if that means going w/ her to the evaluation, holding her hand or talking on the phone @ 2am when it all sinks in. Good Luck!

Answer 6

There is not much you can do. If they are in a denial phase, if you speak up, they will just resent you and keep on justifying her behavior. If you know of a good doctor that you believe would make the diagnosis, you could give the parents the name and phone number next time they make any comment that there is something "off". Leaving the diagnosis to a medical professional would leave you off the hook and they may thank you later for the suggestion.

Answer 7

Is there anyone else in the family who can talk to her? Or maybe a friend whose advice she'll listen to?

I'm a teacher, too, and I sometimes use my son to practice on when I'm giving a new test. Maybe you can "borrow" Kayla to practice on, and do a CARS checklist and share the results with the mom.

Unless Mom can be approached by you or someone else I'm not sure there's much you can do until she gets to preschool or kindergarten, where they should recognize the signs. It's a hard position to be in. Good luck!

Answer 8

I have an autistic son and just wanted to recommend that you find a way to do something early since early intervention is important. Perhaps you could contact her pediatrition so the next time she goes in for a check up, the doctor could say something. An incentive to have her checked would also be that she may qualify for FREE preschool at her local public school. There are early intervention organizations (ours is called Help Me Grow) that get the process rolling for preschool. As for a way to gently bring it up, that's a tough call. Just do it gently, and prefice it by saying that you in no way are trying to criticize, just want to be helpful and simply state that you see the classic signs. You are not diagnosing, just recommending that she get checked out. For treatment, I highly recommend DAN! Just google it for more info. Good luck.

Answer 9

The only thing you can do is suggest that they have the child tested because she appears to exhibit some of the characteristics of a child with autism. Remind them that doing so could greatly improve her quality of life.

I could be wrong because it's different with different states/ districts, but as an educator, you're not trained to diagnose. Especially since it involves "family" (boyfriends families are not really family...), I'd tread very very carefully.

Answer 10

Each family has their own code on how they can face disabilities and mental illness. If this family naturally seeks other explanations, they may seek to discredit you for upsetting their fabrication on how they want reality to be. Trust me, I have seen this too many times.

The best thing you can do is to support them when they do question her developmental level compared to other children. A response of yes, I have noticed she is not exhibiting normal behaviors for her age . . . have you spoke with your pediatrician about having an evaluation?

Although I agree early evaluation may be best, if you plan to get serious with your boyfriend . . . you don't want them making it a her versus us situation. If they reject you, it will affect him. If you two ever have problems, they will urge a break-up because you were brazen upset the family cover-up. Being an expert has little to do with anything when it comes to emotions not ready to be exposed.

Answer 11

I believe your bf acknowledged what you told him and it's a matter
of convincing more to have him personally advice his sister regarding Kayla's behavior. The earlier it is discussed the better, so that proper treatment can be evaluated/initiated.