I regret on being unfaithful to my partner. How do I move on? He does not know. It was a 1 night stand.?

Question

I've been in a relationship for 4 years and engaged. Unfortunately, I was involved in a 1 night stand and totally regret it. I have not told him and I do not want to because I really regret this and very ashamed. I do not need to be told I lost respect for myself and trust to my partner. I accept that I did a terrible thing. How do I move on?

Answer 1

Oi, this is a toughy. It's always rough when you're trying to figure out what to do when the choice is to do what's 'best' or what's 'right'. Something tells me that you won't tell him so I guess I won't bother with the honesty speach. ... ... BUT it's better he finds out from you now than a leak a year from now. It's better that you tell him and allow him to make the choice to be with you or not as opposed to not telling him and only giving him the choice to be with the side of you that you think he'd find most appealing. Four years. That's a long time. I understand that you don't want to flush it down the toilet over what happend one night. It was a mistake. One that you will regret and never repeat for as long as you both shall live. Tell him all of that. He'll be upset. I would be. That's not to say that you two can't work through it.

Oh ya, or you can just keep it inside and let it dwell like a cancer and wait to tell him until he's got two things to be upset about: You cheating and you not telling him for so long.

Good luck to you. Both of you.

Answer 2

Take a deep breath. You are going to be OK. Nothing you do can turn back time, so that option is out. Accept yourself as a human (which means you make mistakes.) Don't beat yourself up over it. You already feel awful about it and are never going to forget it but it doesn't mean you are not worthy of your man. You and your partner can be OK.

First, do not tell him. Get yourself checked for STD's so you can tell your partner if something shows up. If you test clean, keep your secret, it will only needlessly hurt him. You, I'm sure have learned something from all of this and now will know when you see a similar situation coming and can remove yourself from it before this happens again. Take it as a lesson learned and move on. Enjoy your partner and do not eat yourself up with guilt and shame. See to it that you remember that everybody makes mistakes and you'll be ok.

Answer 3

If you truly love your fiance and still intend to marry him, you should do a few things. Never tell him. Telling him can only serve to drive him crazy, hurt him, and leave him with bad feelings. If you have guilt issues over it you will have to live with that. Go volunteer somewhere as a way to "give back" and "show repentence" for your mistake. Telling him at any time can never change what happened. Never doing it again, and doing your level best always to make it up to him is all you can do after the fact.

It sounds like you really do feel bad. Try volunteering, somewhere like a hospice or a nursing home or something. Doing that may keep you busy enough to keep it out of your mind, and by giving support to someone else you can maybe salvage some of your self respect.

Answer 4

All this "guilt" stuff in answers, is really getting to me. Call me a cynic--but however you regret it now, & feel ashamed, stop dwelling on it. It's not all that horrid. I would NOT tell him. Why does everyone assume he'll some day find out? If YOU forgive yourself, put it in the past, you'll soon forget it ever happened. I see absolutely NO REASON to "confess"--possibly lose him, hurt him, when it's much more likely he'll never know. You can "torture" yourself for the rest of your life if you WANT to.

Answer 5

You probably could get away with not telling him, marry him, and be totally happy.

But if you feel guilty, that feeling probably won't go away, and it may be better to come clean (before you marry).

Put the ball in his court. Of course, in that case, be prepared to end the relationship...which may be for the best, as I couldn't live the rest of my life with such a huge weight, and a dark cloud, hanging over everything.

I think it's best that you share what happened, let him make the decision. If you guys stick together, you have a wonderful mate, and you wouldn't have a cloud of guilt hanging around your shoulders.

Answer 6

everybody makes mistakes
you should just concentrate on learning from it and not abusing yourself for inappropriate behaviour as this is not constructive!
you should decide on the reason you let it happen though and figure out if you can change your relationship to fill what you thought you were missing if that's the case
or plan a special night with your partner to stir your emotions about him and re kindle the fire
above all you have to be honest with yourself and decide what you want

Answer 7

You have to tell him and hope he doesnt leave you. Its unfair to him if you marry him and then he finds out later down the road. Oh and dont use the excuse that it was a mistake because you knew what you wanted to do therfore not making it a mistake.

Answer 8

You need to learn to forgive yourself!!

Self-forgiving is:

-Accepting yourself as a human who has faults and makes mistakes.

-Letting go of self anger for your past failures, errors, and mistakes.

-No longer needing penance, sorrow, and regret over a grievous, self-inflicted, personal offense.

-The act of self love after you have admitted your failure, mistake, or misdeed.

-The spiritual self healing of your heart by calming self rejection, quieting the sense of failure, and lightening the burden of guilt.

-The act of letting go of the need to work so hard to make up for your past offenses.


Four steps to forgiving yourself:

Step One: Reopen your heart and mind again.
When you are faced with terrible pain, your heart and mind slam shut. Opening yourself up again is a choice in terms of how you contextualize what happened to you. It allows you to say, "I am willing to consider that there is another way to adjust."

Step Two: Choose to love yourself again.
Guilt is a wastebasket term that we use to cover everything negative and bad. One defining factor of guilt is that we commit the ultimate betrayal: abandoning ourselves. If you can't love yourself, you won't be able to heal yourself.

Step Three: Confront and demystify your guilt.
Most people have the misconception that our depth of grief reflects the level of love for the person we've lost. It's not a betrayal of your loved one to go past the pain and deal with it in a different way. Demystifying the guilt means understanding the fear.

Step Four: Give yourself permission to heal.
Part of forgiving yourself is understanding that you don't have to be punished. Give yourself permission to let go of the pain. If you have a wounded heart, you can't give good and pure love to anyone else.

Answer 9

YOU MAY WANT TO MOVE ON. BUT IF YOU ARE TRULY IN
LOVE WITH THIS GUY, YOU NEED TO TELL HIM. BECAUE
SOMETIMEE WHAT HAPPEN IN THE DARK COME TO LIGHT.
AND IF HE FIND OUT FOR WHAT EVERY REASON, THEN HOW WILL HE FEEL THEN. LOVE IS ABOUT TRUST , HONESTLY. IF THE SHOE WAS ON THE OTHER FOOT
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL. BECAUSE THAT FACT THAT YOU
ARE TALKING BOUT THIS MEANS MOVING ON MAY NOT
BE SO EASY.

Answer 10

I think you definitely need to tell him the truth. In the long run, it will clear your conscience and if he then breaks up with you, at least you will still have his respect for you for telling him the truth when you did not have to.