how to stop arguing with boyfriend?

Question

me and my boyfriend are dating long distance. I noticed that i'm very critical of things and when i tell him stuff that bothers me, if he doesnt change it, i just keep saying it thinking maybe one day it will get in his head but he just says he knows and its bothering him that i keep saying it...i said its not something hard to change like losing weight or stop drinking alcohol its stuff like if he says hes going to do something then he should, otherwise im losing my belief in his words. should i just let some things go, or go about it another way? im not very critical but certain things are hard to ignore and i told him maybe cuz we dont see each other enough and i like things like cuddling or kissing so a lot of things just build up the tension which leads to arguments. sometimes i think maybe he doesnt show enough attention or jealously. he said he knows lots of ppl in long distance relationships who dont argue as much as us so maybe were just too different...does anyone have a

advice (word cut off)...what i meant by jealousy was i seem to be jealous but its a normal jealousy and reminds me that i still like him, but he doesnt get very jealous and some of the things he says just makes me think he doesnt care, i know he does, but its just all this combination leads to a lot of tension but i just dont know what to do about it, seems like if i try to talk it out with him anger starts then it goes all over, when were together everything is perfect we rarely fight

he doesnt drink or isnt fat i was using that as an example of things that are harder to change

Answer 1

Long distance romances are just plain hard, no matter what way you look at it. I think it is because you don't get to see each other, and feel that closeness. I would cool it with the arguing as much as you can tho. Just think getting off the phone from arguing and than some cute chick comes along all sweet and "understanding". Not saying this is going to happen, but.. It could happen to you also.. Maybe try to instant message each other, so the tones of your voice don't irritate each other. Take a break, think things over. Is he away at school? Plan a surprise visit. If it's love, with understanding in a big way, it will work out. Good luck to you both.

Answer 2

I mean... if you keep pressuring him to loose weight and stop drinking he wil probably do it more ...b/c he will get anxiety...
he will get stressd and worried and will eat/drink more...
so you should calm down and take some time... if you still see no change then you guys are just not meant to be b/c he wont do it and you need someone you feel comfortable with...
ABout the jealousy ...it's hard to be jealous when you are away... so just tell him like if a guy flirted with you... o something and see how he reacts... and a long distance relationship..there is no cuddling.. unless you go and surprise him sometimes...
Start noticing the good stuff and leave the bad stuff... and just give him some time if he doesnt change then move on..

Answer 3

First you say your critical and then you say your not. At any rate it takes 2 to argue, if one says nothing the other can't argue alone. Keep in mind that you may be a bit controlling. Male and females don't think alike. Don't expect him to be totally receptive to your critique. Some things may be a bit petty. Life is way to short to be arguing about stuff that doesn't amount to anything. Stick to real issues let others go and just enjoy him for the small amount you get to see him. Don't send him back regretting that he was with you.

Answer 4

ok, here is what you need to do.... write him a hand written letter and say exactly what you told us... without the parts that are adressed to us (like me and my boyfriend are dating long distance....and the lose weight/stop drinking line)....and then add that your feelings towards him are changing and that you feel like you are not loving him as much as you once did (or even better that you are falling out of love with the man you fell in love with)....as long as this is really true, that is!! make sure you dont just say that if it isnt true or if you two havent said i love you yet! ...but this will get his attention...in a heartbeat...explaining the feelings and problems you are having in a letter is the best way for him to actually have something in his hands, and be able to take it as you writing from the heart..and not nagging him (as over the phone or in person might feel)....plus, there is something about getting bad news or life changing news in a letter and reading it a 2nd time... (or a 3rd if he ever forgets!)...my gf didnt do this for me...i wish she would have bc i would have changed for her if only she would have spoken up about what irked her....instead she held it in for 9 months and then said she fell out of love with me...dont let this happen to you !

Answer 5

i see a break up in your future... he's (to me) is not showing enough intrest in your feelings. if that is the case, then his attention may be somewhere else, and he's too lazy, or whatever, to be "the bad guy", and break up with you. how long have ya'll been dating? how long have ya'll been long distance?
how often do ya'll get to see each other?
when my hubby worked out of town, we had the BEST conversations, and seemed to work on "things" when we had time to think (for a few days), then talk a few times during the week.....then see each other every 2 or so weeks...
get your feelings "in check" first. you seem to have everything together...just don't put them in one basket!!!

Answer 6

Your statement says when you are together you don't argue.
When your'e apart you do. There appears to be some underlying problems or issues going on with you. Also you have to accept people and not try to change them the way you THINK they ought to be. Yes let some things go and not be so critical or you may just drive him away.

Answer 7

you sound a bit bossy
leave him Be and give him space!
you need space too and just go about life as if the only thing you can't do is have an emotional relationship with another guy and get on with it! you don't have to revolve your life around him!! if he's being a prat then let him be one till you both can be together again.
if it continues even when you do calm down, then your not mean to be together!
remember, calm down.
(at least your not like me, I have to finish my argument even if I'm wrong and all my relations hips last 3 weeks, lmao)

Answer 8

first question, why are you separated? I mean, what are the circumstances? But really sweetie, one way to stop arguing is to hang up the phone. Say, "goodbye until we speak like grownups", and hang up!

Answer 9

Is that long distance how is gonna be when you guys get closer? Dump him! It seems you are too mature for him.

Answer 10

break up maybe lond distance relationship ist for you