HI!! I have a 6 yr old. She thinks that things go her way all the time. She has been mean to other children, and family. She is very bossy and it drives me crazy... We also have problems at school where she acts like she dont know how to do anything. At home all she wants to do is watch TV. She wont let me read to her, help her with her homework. NOTHING... I have taken most of her things from her because she doesnt listen to me. What can I do?? Someone please help........
2006-10-28 17:07:19 · 20 answers · asked by Be wise 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
How do you reward her good behavior? If she can see the bad behavior results in a loss, and good behavior results in reward, she will be motivated to behave properly.
Humans are motivated by three things: Social, Ethical/moral, and Financial.
Social rewards might be time spent with family and friends doing fun things.
Ethical/moral rewards are being praised for being a good person.
Financial rewards can be an allowance or gift.
Try making a weekly behavior chart. Be clear what you expect from her and what the punishments and rewards will be. Check the chart with her each day and explain what she has done wrong, or praise what she has done well. Reward her for the good behavior/ punish her for the bad.
In case there is something going on that she has not been telling you about, make her another chart for her feelings. Let her put up a smiley face for good days and a frowny face for bad days. Check it as part of her bedtime routine, then discuss why she chose the particular emoticon.
Most of all, be firm but gentle. Don't whine at or beg her and don't scream at her. She needs to know not only that you are in charge, but that you are a confident adult in charge.
Hang in there.
2006-10-28 17:27:44 · answer #1 · answered by Aunty Social 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Conditions in the home are probably contributing to your daughter's behavior. You asked the right question, you're just referring to the wrong person. That young man you're involved with is the child.
Hon, all this baby boy has done is gone from Mamma to Mamma. He treats you like his mother. He hasn't got the means or skills to support himself but he can "be the man." at your place. Isn't the six year old enough kids for you right now?
Dump Mr. Drama, focus on you and your daughter's home and time. Focus on your job, your house, your child. Give that woman back hers. Your 6 year old will start to straighten up when she believes she is your priority and she doesn't hear you making excuses for why this boy who constantly aggravates you is around.
Look for a man who can be a friend to you. Someone who has a job, a car, and a home. Someone who can offer your daughter a wonderful father figure. And offer you a partner, not another dependent.
Learn to make decisions that don't add to your stress. A good man makes life better, not worse, and you can usually tell pretty early on if you know a zebra doesnt' change it's stripes.
2006-10-29 09:03:14 · answer #2 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Discipline is about teaching the child to do something different,a more positive desirable behaviour.These problems did not just present themselves yesterday.I would recommend S.T.E.P. systemic training for effective parenting-offered through most schools-or even the library has books on it.positive encouragement,and rewards will go a long way.at some point your child got the idea that this behaviour "works"
It does not work for you,and rightly so.I would make a list of all undesirable behaviours and work on two a week,like goals with rewards- these do not have to be monetary,they can be extra time with you playing a game,baking,etc. find out your child's"currency"what will really affect them,and remove it with explanation why- give things back as they are earned.Just my opinion but I do agree with Wendy,if its hard now at 16 it will be hell.Also,do you have any support groups for single Moms in your area?
2006-10-29 09:16:43 · answer #3 · answered by lisa m 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Apparently she acting out what she has learned and it sounds like there are some bad habits...allowed by those supervising her life and ultimately her mother.
Many parents do not know that the first 3 years of a child's life are the most crucial in child-rearing as 75% of all learning for life takes place in these first three years. I have three children and had sevral close relatives to guide me and my wife along the way in being prepared the best we could to start children off right...and we are seeing the benefits reaped for the hardwork we have put in!
It isn't easy parenting...no manuals, no checklists--basically a crash course...and the younger and less supported we are, the harder it is...
My answer for you is--you need help! More than a quickie on this website! You need a good group of people to surround you who have been down the road before...
There are so many factors to have to process where to go for you in helping your daughter to stear you away from patterns that lead to shaping your daughter's mindset MORE towards being self-centered VS. being shaped towards having healthy boundaries which lead to strong character and reflect more of what life is to be like for her...
May I suggest a book to study perhaps with a group? Try BOUNDARIES FOR KIDS by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Here is an Amozon.com review for you to look at--it could help you?!
*******
Here at last is the help you need for raising your kids to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend take you through the ins and outs of establishing family boundaries and of instilling the kind of character in your children that will help them lead balanced, productive, and fulfilling adult lives. Learn how to
-- set limits and still be a loving parent
--bring control to an out-of-control family life
--apply the ten laws of boundaries to parenting
--define legitimate boundaries for your family . . . and much more
*******
No matter what you do, love your little girl (with boundaries), let her know what is right and wrong, show her how by the way you live YOUR life with your relationships, and be consistent, consistent, consistent! And pray...A LOT!
2006-10-29 00:25:30 · answer #4 · answered by KapnKaveman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been letting her be the grown up? Sometimes when kids are small we tend to laugh at things they do when we should've been chastising them and then they get out of control. TV should'nt be allowed until homework is done. Make her homework be enjoyable play games so that she will want to do her homework. Let her know who the parent is. If you take her toys away and still let her watch tv then your losing the battle.
2006-10-29 00:24:23 · answer #5 · answered by sharon wisechips 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So many factors enter in to this, but especially parenting style and child's character. There is a great book called "nurture by nature" amazon.com and it really helps. Beyond that, I am 55, was a single mom for many years, they were 6 and 8 when we divorced. I was an elem teacher and have dealt with many 6 year olds. It appears she might have a stronger personality than yours ??? This is a hard combination that might take some outside intervention from a person like me who is as strong and as stubborn as a mule. But kids adore me. I guess the best i can say without knowing the circumstances are get some parenting classes. Go online, search for love and logic, and get her and you hooked up with a grandparent age person who is good with kids. They have great ideas and it does not have to include spanking. But one thing I will say, you must get control of her now because when she is 16, your life might be hell,most likely. if i can help in any way, email me personally , I think you can when you click on me. ":""" Wendy
2006-10-29 00:14:49 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The problem is you are giving her options, what do you mean she won't let you read to her or help her with her homework, thats not an option lay down the rules the way they are is the way they are. When she is 18 then she can decide what she would like to do with her homework and who is going to read to her. Until then you need to show her that you are the boss and that she is 6.
2006-10-29 00:19:23 · answer #7 · answered by twnty4ktgold1 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Oh, I am so with puresnow on this one, dear.
From what I see, you REALLY need to cut the cord via which this young man of yours is sucking out your lifeblood and focus on yourself, and your daughter.
You have a total drama queen guy with you who is distracting you from the things that are really important! He is taking up energy which your daughter NEEDS. Get rid of him and tune in to your daughter. It's your responsibility, it's your job, it's your role in life right now to help your daughter learn what she needs to know to function in the world.
SHE needs you, HE will find someone else to latch on to within two weeks of you telling him he's out. I can just about guarantee it.
Lose him and make it you and your daughter against the world. Tell her you two are a team now and you're going to do what it takes to get her back on track. She will feel pretty special if you tell her that from now on, you are focussing on getting her acting right so she can have a good life.
I hope you do this! You deserve someone better, your daughter deserves better from you, and there is nothing wrong with being alone for a while and waiting until someone good turns up.
Good luck!
2006-10-29 16:51:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
same problem here with my bro. this may sound very cruel and mean, but u have to diciplin her and if talking to her and takin away her stuff dosnt work, well, u gotta hit her. i dont mean hard, just like a spanking or something to let her know your serious. sure shes gonna cry like crazy nd scream nd all that, but u cant back down nd fall for that cute lil face all sad and crying. and the absolute worse thing u can do is go to her after u hit her and try to make her feel better. then shes gonna think its all a game. but the most important thing u have to do is make it stop. its only gonna get worse. let her know ur serious nd eventually she will stop, but u have to keep rules and limits, or it wont work.
2006-10-29 02:20:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds as though you have try but I also bet you have given first. Your little one knows that she can win the discipline game some how and is doing so. Fine a punishment that works and use it and do not let anyone interfere with that punishment. Meaning grandparents or anyone else that may be involved with her up bringing or maybe I could say spoiling. Tough love is hard but it is well worth it when it works. Best of luck and stay hard.
2006-10-29 00:19:37 · answer #10 · answered by Cars 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋