My daughter says ALL teenagers today have sex and use profanity. Do you think this is a reality?

Question

I'm of the belief that if your home has more culture and religious practices in it, that teenagers will be too busy playing the piano, horseback riding, studying foreign languages, to even think about it, let alone want it. My daughter says I'm naive, and my 16 yr old g'daughter has a boyfriend who "lays" with her in her bedroom, right under my daughter's nose...and she says she HAS to allow it, or else they will find another way. I just don't believe this way has to be ... at all. What do you all think?
Am I being 'stuffy' and naive? Of course I wouldn't opinionize to her or them, but I just want to know what the more of society thinks, so I'm putting it up to the group here to tell me what society is about in 2006.

Answer 1

No, I don't think so.... I don't think that you are being stuffy and naive. I think you are being a parent. Not ALL teenagers are interested in sex, it's just an image that is everywhere these days. Myself, I am on ly 19 years old, and I didn't even lose my virginity until I turned 19. I had a mom just like you, one who kept my sisters and I very very cultured, very christian, and very involved with different things. She thought the same that you did... that if she kept our mind on things that would make us smarter, then, we wouldn't be worried about boys, sex, anorexia, being perfect, any of that. I love my mom and my dad for doing what she did ...

This might sound a little ... um.. pissy... but, obviously, if you're asking this question, you are worried and wondering about your granddaughter... To be honest, I don't believe they're just laying there... is your daughter watching them every ten seconds? Because that's all it takes to touch each other, know what I mean? I think that you should keep your beliefs, and to answer your question as to what society is about in 2006, there's so much going on, that I don't think anyone could give you a list long enough, all I can say is that there is pretty much nothing but sex, drugs, and rock and roll in I"m guessing, 88% of the population. There are some religious, cultured, intelligent people in the world, but to be honest, half of them are taken in by the flashy lights and empty promises. Just keep on doing what you're doing, I think. It sounds to me like you're just being what you are. A mother and a grandmother. Nothing at all wrong with that....

Good Luck, Hon!

Answer 2

If find that a majority of the time, the more uptight the parents are about things the more likely the children do it. If you take my family as an example, my parents are by far the most laid back in the family. I'm 17, and haven't so much as even dated yet, I don't really see a need for it, and I'm waiting for a commited relationship to have sex. On the other hand, my aunt and uncle who are the most uptight, have two daughters my age. One's a year older, and she started having sex back in highschool, and know for a fact she does with her current boyfriend, and smokes pot as well. Then her sister, who's my age, has serious psychological problems because of her weight, and I wouldn't be surprised if she told me she's having sex. Maybe I'm wrong, but in my personal opinion, anytime you tell a human being they can't do something, they want to that much more. However, if you let them do whatever it is, they realise it's not all that great and take it easy. Sorta like how it's mostly college age people that you see drinking WAY too much, because now that they can, they want to make up for lost time.

Answer 3

Of course that's true! IF you believe what you watch on television!

First off, I'm 19, I don't mess around, and neither do most of my friends. If you find actual statistics on the matter you'll see that there is a growing trend in abstinence and that most statistics report that somewhere around 50% of teens are having sex, although numbers vary. There also has evidently been a decline in teen pregnancy.

So, the statement that ALL teenagers have sex is quite UNTRUE.

As for the profanity it is on the rise (I'll be honest, I know, I curse at times), but what a great opprotunity for the parent to at least SAY that that behavior is unacceptable.

Oh yeah, no offense meant to your daughter, but I have friends whose parents use the excuse that they "had" to allow it or the kid would find some other way, and that's an easy way out. Looking back those friends have told me that they did not find their parents "cool" or "the good parents", they wish they would've said something to stop them from getting into things that they now realize are destructive, because it would've spared them.

You might want to also look into the psychological evidence that proves what you watch affects how you think and who you are, especially at a young age.

Answer 4

I don't have sex and neither does my girlfriend and we are teenagers so not ALL teens do it. I do think that the numbers of pre-marital sex has increased over the years.
Well the fact is she is in charge or her not you. Not to be mean or anything but that's just the way it is. If you are seriously concerned about your granddaughters well being when you need to talk to your daughter about it.
If you want to take matters into your own hand than maybe talk to her about the dangers or premarital sex [although that might be weird coming from a grandparent]

Coming from a teenager, no matter what, most teens will "want" sex but they need to find a way not to submit to temptations. Make sure she has a fixed curfew and that she checks up with her mother on a frequent basis when out.

Also I'm going to address: "my 16 yr old g'daughter has a boyfriend who "lays" with her in her bedroom, right under my daughter's nose...and she says she HAS to allow it, or else they will find another way."

I'm 18 [still live at home] and my girlfriend is 17. Even thought we do "lay" in bed together nothing horrible goes on. But she does not HAVE to allow it. Maybe she should make a rule that they have to keep the door open or at least not closed all the way. Well she is 16 and probally not that mature. I would sugest not alowing them to be in the bedroom.


Other than than that I don't think I have anything else to say. I hope that helps.

Answer 5

I think your daughter is partly right. A large number of teens ARE having sex and swearing, but certainly not every single one. Just because teens are reputed to have a certain attitude, doesn't mean they don't still have individual personalities, morals and lifestyles.

To me, the key is to look at it realistically. I wouldn't allow my daughter having sex with some boy at sixteen in my house, but I would acknowledge that sex and curiosity is a natural part of growing up, especially in the teen years. While keeping a teen busy and instilling good morals in them can help definitely, it's not guaranteed to prevent them from actually having sex, let alone thinking about it (a healthy teenager should think about sex!).

I find the most imporant thing is to teach teenagers proper sex education (NOT just abstinence) and answer their questions, so they know more about sex and therefore, reduces a large amount of the 'mystique' around it. This way, teens are more educated and can make better decisions, especially regarding protection use and emotional aspects, regardless of if they're actually having sex or not.

It would be impossible to prevent every teenager form having sex, so implementing an education system that teaches them to have SAFE sex is important.

I don't think you're being stuffy or naive at all. I think it's a matter of personal opinion and ideas. I think that the rate of teen pregnancy and the like is pretty alarming and it's common knowledge that kids are having sex younger and younger, which can be pretty scary to think about. I agree with you, though... it doesn't 'have' to be that way. There just needs to be a more realistic solution without having the parent feel they must let it happen or they'll 'find another way'. Too many parents are allowing behaviour they don't agree with go on in their homes because they feel it's a safe environment, but they need to teach their teenagers to be responsible so they don't feel the need to rebel about it and can make educated decisions.

Overall, I don't think the problem is teen sex itself, the problem is irresponsible teen sex and a lack of education surrounding the matter.

Answer 6

I think you're both wrong. Your daughter's excuse is pretty flimsy. Just because teenagers are clever enough to find other ways and places to have sex doesn't mean she has to tolerate it in her own house.

I do think you're being incredibly naive to think that you can keep a teenager "too busy...to even think about [sex], let alone want it." Even if you take away all of the sexual exposure from society (music, tv, movies, internet, etc) There's nothing you can do to stop kids from thinking about and wanting sex. That's the whole point of puberty, it's that change into a sexual creature, when men and women become capable to reproduce.

All you can do as parent, when it comes down to it, is try to get your children to understand what having means, what the consequences are, and hope they make the right choices. Of course, they can find other ways, but worrying that they might have sex somewhere else, doesn't really mean it makes sense to gaurantee they'll do it at home.

Also, and somewhat puzzling, what do you mean you wouldn't opinionize to her or them? You won't tell your own daughter that you don't think she should allow her daughter to have sex with her boyfriend in your daughter's home? Do you think just because she has own kid that your job as a parent is over? Or that you can tell your granddaughter how you feel about it?

I also think you're being stuffy about profanity. It's good to teach your kids how to express themselves clearly, but a lot of the stigma of profanity comes not from the words themselves but the reaction to them. The better they learn to express themselves, the less they'll need those words. They'll have more options, and sometimes those words are used the way you might use "um" - to cover a pause. Or because it's simply how they're used to talking to their friends, and none of they're friends are going to be shocked about. English is full of formerly obscene words that eventually drift into innocuousness.

No matter how you arrange the letters F, C, K, & U, there's nothing inherently bad about them. And even if there's something terribly upsetting about being reminded of the bodily process referenced in the original connotation, the word itself has spread to so many parts of speech, with so many different tones, it really loses its power to offend. And sometimes the bad words just fit, by carrying a connotation that a milder word might not, or conveying the intensity of the thought, and so on.

Sticks & stones may break my bones, remember how that goes?

Answer 7

Children these days are growing up faster than ever before. Just looking at products aimed at the 10 to 15 year old age group sometimes scares me. Young girls dressing in halter tops and mimicking dance moves from the latest video clips, they're no longer children, just little Divas. These days older kids are shown how to rebel against their parents, and with governments supporting young kids leaving home, if they don't want to put up with their parent's "nagging", they'll just leave home, and then there's no parental control.
My mother was also of the opinion that if my boyfriends weren't allowed to stay over that I might be more inclined to go out and explore somewhere else. What you can do in a bed you can also do in a car down at the local "Lover's Lane". But my mother also taught me that my actions have consequences that I would have to take responsibility for. Because of this trust, I didn't even consider a serious relationship that might involve sexual intimacy until I was in my 20's.

Answer 8

The more culture and the busier you keep your kids the less enticed they are. Unfortunately allot off this society is based on "Sex sells" just look at the TV adds, magazine ads, celebrities, musicians. The list will go on and on. This does not mean you have to allow a 16 yr. old to do it in front of you. there has been a rise in the sexuality movement which I do not like either. I do not believe you are being naive you just care for your daughter and grandchildren. Kudos to another great parent still caring in today's society.

Answer 9

No, I know for a fact that not ALL teenagers have sex. However, there are some do and most are curious about it even if they're not doing it. I don't think it's a good idea to give two hormone crazed teens too much alone time. But I also don't believe overwhelming a teenager with activities is going to make them any less curious.

If you don't want your child to have sex before marriage, that is a belief you should begin to instill in them early on. It is way too late to wait until they're already a teen to begin preaching that.

The best thing, in my opinion, is to develop an open, honest line of communication with the teenager. Educate them about the pros and cons of sex (physically and emotionally), then trust them to make their own decision.

Answer 10

It's a reality that teenagers today have sex, whether the rest of us want them to or not. But to say that all teenagers everywhere do it is a gross overgeneralization. I never did when I was a teen, and for every story I heard of kids having sex and getting pregnant, I knew plenty more who didn't. But what your daughter is allowing your granddaughter to do is wrong. She shouldn't have to allow this behavior just because everybody else may be doing it.

Profanity may be harder to wrap the mind around. Usually when people decide to swear, they depend on the shock value of the words they're using to the people they're swearing at, so that they'll sit up and take notice. But because kids (and college kids as well) use profanity so frequently, they become desensitized to the effects it may have on others. It frequently gets worse before it gets better.