What's wrong with modest dresses???

Question

I am getting married in June. My 5 attendents range in sizes 3-20 & ages 14 to 26. I decided we wont do seperates for many reasons. 4 of my attendents and I got together and picked out a dress that we love, (Jordan, style 516) and will look great on all 5. My FSIL is the youngest and smallest & I've never told anyone but my mother about this, but I only asked her to be in the wedding to be nice, as I don't really her or my future MIL. My FMIL and my sil keep bagering me about having seperates so SIL won't have to wear "old lady dresses". She wants strapless or spagetti straps and won't give up on it. I've told them the dresses are going to be modest, and even stopped talking about the wedding to his family, but they still don't stop! My next step is getting upset and blowing up at them. I'm so annoyed! I'm afraid that if she wears the dress, she will sulk the whole time, beause I've seen it with other clothes. She's not wearing something different than the other 4. What do I do?

You all have wonderful answers, thank you so much! One thing though,she's not going to wear her hair different or do anything different than the rest of the girls. She's a bridesmaid, not the maid of honor! Just giving her different shoes will not appease these people. Today I got an email from FMIL with three dresses she liked, and - you guessed it, all spagetti straps! I forwarded it to my other bridesmaids and they were not as amused as I was. :) FH just tells them "that's the dress, I don't think she'll change her mind". I'm so glad he has a spine. How am I going to deal with this family during Thanksgiving dinner???? That could get interesting.

Answer 1

First of all that dress is NOT an old lady dress, it's not even that modest. When you said modest I pictured mother of bride suit. Jordan 516 is a gorgeous dress that I almost bought to wear to a black tie event. Tell your MIL and SIL that this is the dress that all of the bridesmaids are wearing and if your SIL doesn't want to wear it than you'll understand if she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid. Just make sure that you are VERY sweet and VERY polite when you have this conversation. She can do a reading or watch the guest book or just be a guest. When people ask why she wasn't in the wedding you can tell them that she didn't like the dress you picked out. You're better off having an uneven number of attendants that dealing with this nonsense.

PS - what kind of mother lets her 14 year old daughter wear strapless? There is a fine line between sexy and slutty and 14 year old shouldn't be anywhere near the line.

Answer 2

This is your wedding. If she doesn't want to wear the dress you picked out, then she doesn't have to a part of the wedding party. You asked her- but if she doesn't want to play by the rules then I say feel free to kick her out of the party. She can wear a strapless dress, sitting next to her mom and dad and not standing up there with you. Don't let a 14 yr old bully you, stand up for your wedding and your wishes.
That's a really pretty dress. It's way better than the last bridesmaid dress that I had to wear. Don't let the child win.

Answer 3

There's nothing wrong with modest dresses. I don't like spaghetti straps or strapless personally, but then I'm topheavy so I can't wear them. I feel strapless is overdone anyway.

If SIL continues to harrass you about this, the only thing I can think of is to not let her a bridesmaid. It sounds like neither she or MIL have no respect for you at all. If you can't tell her that, then have FH tell her. But make sure that he says it was a group decision between you.

After the wedding, distance yourselves from them, and explain to FH that while you love him, you don't want to spend any time with his mother and sister beyond the required minimum.

Answer 4

maximum individuals are transforming into so familiar with immodesty, they don't comprehend it for what that's. even while issues are morally independent, that is human nature to dislike issues that are diverse. while issues at the instant are not morally independent (like modesty), that is human nature to resent people who carry to a a techniques better in many cases used. the two way, the end result's which you get attacked. Verbally and emotionally, if not bodily. To make concerns worse, maximum individuals are VERY ignorant related to the priority. maximum assume (as you will discover from different solutions) that a female who dresses modestly is being forced to realize this. that's thoroughly incomprehensible to them that a female might desire to gown modestly. that is incredibly a protection mechanism of varieties. in the event that they admit, even to themselves, that there may well be women who desire to be modest, it in the present day hits their experience of right and incorrect, and that they do unlike that one bit! So, they attack. regrettably, that's real even of maximum who call themselves Christians. do not enable it hassle you. you at the instant are not the guy with the priority!

Answer 5

Your future husband should be managing things with both HIS mother and sister. He should tell them the dresses have been chosen for the attendants and if his sister wishes to be in the wedding she will have to wear what has been chosen. Have him say that its what you and he wanted and if everyone were given a choice on what to wear there would be 5 different styles and you wont have that. Then leave the ball in their court..if she wants to be in the wedding she will wear it...if not then your problem is solved. But HE should work things out with his family and you should work things out with yours. Have a lovely day and dont let family crap spoil it...there will always be someone who wants to be difficult.

Answer 6

if she doesn't like the dress she doesn't have to be in the wedding party. i think it is great that you thought about everyones shape. for my wedding i too had ages 14 - 26 and all sizes.

one option is to have shawls that will cover arms(i am assuming that is the issue)

personally i would ignore all the junk the in-laws give you. if your fsil sulks in the pictures you can all laugh at how stupid she looked.

majority rules right!

Answer 7

Modest dresses are a great threat to 'show off' dress !
On modest and people with innocent faces, these modest dresses greatly enhance the captivating appearance, and the others who spend a lot of money, trouble and time, find it going down the drain , failing to attract even a casual glance !

Answer 8

They will have to understand that it is your day and not hers. If she doesn't like the dress its really too bad. Try to compromise by letting her to something different with her hair, let her wear a tiara or have a cool hair style or something. That might be enough for her. You could even let her get her own shoes so she is comfortable. Try those little things that do matter quit so much and see if its enough. If not too bad.

Answer 9

Wow... You are wonderfully tolerant to even be giving her time of the day on this issue.
Look, you're the responsible adult. She's the adolescent, behaving like a brat.
Modesty might be so "in the eye of the beholder" (sorry for the cliché) and a cultural notion according to definition, but you've the right here to define modesty and your decision is morally right and proper.
There's no compromise here. You know the right decision.
Make it.
She'll be fine with it all once she realises the honour and beauty of the occasion.
She is so lucky to have someone like you.


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Answer 10

Speak to your future husband first to let him know waht you want to say.

Personally I would tell her as nicely as possible (with your fh) that this event is for you and your fh and that you would apperciate it is she would taken into consideration that this is what you want and that you and tthe other bridesmaids have made this choice. If she isn't comfortable with your selection then tell her she is more then welcome to be a part of the ceremony in a different way then as a bridesmaid.