I have a serious question?

Question

My daughters aunt takes her on trips which we appreciate.
However I don't like the fact that she gets verbaly mean and sometimes phsicaly mean(pushs,and so forth). Makes me wonder what she does with her own daughter. My husband and I agreed
that there would be no more trips with this aunt, however she doesn't think she has done anything wrong and glosses over what
she has done and said. She says she loves her but on the other
hand we never get to spend anytime with her daughter whom
we invited to camping with us and we miss her.
What should we do. Reason one for putting this in this catagory is
she uses the bible and god as a reason for the way she disciplines. My daughter has sense then said she does not want to be a christian. Which is her choice however I know not all christians are like this. Help

thanks, but I am a pagan. I will definietly meditate
some more on this. ;)
Blessed Be

Answer 1

Most definitely, if your daughter is feeling abused in any way, it's very appropriate for you to limit the time she spends with her aunt. What I'm wondering, tho, is how your daughter feels about her aunt. And, how she feels about her cousins? What's going on with her is a hugely important consideration. As family, you might also want to do a little more than just wonder how she treats her own daughter. That's a tough one, but if she's over the line with her daughter, family is the immediate resource.

As for your daughter's statement on not wanting to be christian... sounds like a good opportunity for a conversation on stereotyping. :)

Answer 2

The Bible and God are not an excuse for meanness. You don't say whether or not you are a Believer or not. If you are a christian, I would certainly pray about this first. But as a parent you have the right and responsibility to raise your daughter as you believe is right. If I were in your position, I would be as frank with the 'aunt' as you have been with us. And tell her if you are uncomfortable with the way your daughter is treated. Talk with the aunt privately where you can be frank and honest. If you are still uncomfortable with allowing your daughter to be alone with her, then don't. The bottom line is: you are the parent, you may be right, or you may be wrong, but you are responsible either way. People do view discipline in radically different ways: some believe in corporal punishment, while others are opposed. The choice is yours; the aunt has her own choices too.

Hoping the best for you...

Answer 3

The question here is regarding discipline. There are differing levels of discipline. Yes, children need discipline, but it should be given to "the proper degree" and never in anger. You would not want to speak thoughtlessly "as with the stabs of a sword." (See Jeremiah 30:11; Proverbs 12:18) Discipline should be delivered in such a way that your child will later see how appropriate it was. (See Ephesians 6:4; Hebrews 12:9-11)

If the aunt says that she uses the bible to help with discipline, then she should be aware of Proverbs 12:18, which says "There exists the one speaking thoughtlessly as with the stabs of a sword, but the tongue of the wise ones is a healing." Surely, harsh verbal words to discipline children is not advised.

Moreover, Hebrews 12:11 says "True, no discipline seems for the present to be joyous, but grievous; yet afterward to those who have been trained by it it yields peaceable fruit, namely, righteousness." As I said before, discipline should be given to one as a means for the one being disciplined to understand why they are being disciplined. At the same time, positive reinforcement is beneficial. For instance, if your child does a good deed, they should be commended, because they are trying to be good. When this is not recognized, they will not keep doing good, because they do not receive commendation for it. If the child is constantly talked to in a way that is demeaning, he or she can think that anything they do will never be right and that is not what the bible teaches regarding discipline. I hope this sheds some light on the area of discipline.

Answer 4

I am glad you are protecting your daughter. Her welfare comes before her aunt's. The best you can do for your niece is to be in touch with friends and family members who live close to her.

Talk with your daughter. Key word: with, not at. She and you have some things to learn from this. Let her know that this is not typical of all Christians. While her religious and spiritual beliefs need to be her own and found in her way, it is good for her to know that there are a great variety of manifestations of Christianity and faiths that have historical roots in it.

Maybe take a few field trips. Visit a Unitarian church. A Quaker meeting. I am a Quaker but not a Christian. But I know there are many good, progressive non-literalist churches. I found a website that looks interesting. Maybe they can help you find something in your community. My goal is not to convert by any means ... rather to restore some faith in people's goodness.

Answer 5

First don't let your daughter go with the Aunt. If she is being even verbally abusive it is not fair to let it continue. Abuse is abuse...does not matter if it is verbal or physical. A kid should not have to put up with any form of abuse. If I was in your position I would be checking to see if her daughter is being treated the same way, if you even suspect that she is you need to contact your local Dept of Children and family services. Keep your daughter safe and help your niece. God does not instruct us to verbally or physically abuse a child or anyone for that fact. We are to be an example to our kids. If your daughter is not wanting to be a christian because of this aunt then I would recommend you going to a church with your daughter (if you don't already) that can help her work through this, show her how much she is loved and how much God loves her. I have said a prayer for you all. Good luck and please keep your daughter and niece safe, no one deserves to be abused for any reason.

Answer 6

You can't let kids run wild, but you shouldn't be cruel. So the answer is always to use love and not anger when disciplining kids. The key is discipline. Kids need to be told about reasonable boundaries, then rewarded when they do good and get some type of punishment when they do bad. The key is to be consistent and do not use any more physical force than is necessary for safety.

You better come up with a joint strategy or keep your kids home.

Answer 7

Good Question. I would suggest that you all read Quran seriously. There is no book on earht like it. I do believe in Jesus and bible but not in the curent bibles which are not in their riginal language and which are mar written to a great extent. I believe in the bible given to Jesus (Peace be upon him) Snce Jesus was not the last Prphet or messanger naturally his book should not have been preserved. The final messenger of the God was Muhmmad as foretold by Moses and Jesus and as recognized by the Christian and Jewiosh shcolars of that time i.e 1450 years back and some of them immediatley accepted him seeing all the signs in him. Muhammad (PBUH) who could not write or read, was given the book which was so beautiful and amazing that many Arabs good in poetry etc. immediatly knew that it can't be human. The fact that Quran is preserved in its original language for last 1450 years and it is as fresh today as on day 1 and there are no two versions of Quran in any part of the world, speaks itself that how the God All Mighty preserved His book as promised in the Quran itself.
See how it relates to your problem. Quran being the true book of Allah (In Arabic The God) will guide her and yo to the staright path. Your daughter and you guys will becoem so strong that no body will be able to take advantage of. You will be easily able to say NO to the aunti I was away form Quran and I was very weak but since I have held it tight and read it often and practice, I have beocme with the help of the GOD All might very strong and I do nto hesitate to say the things which are right in polite but firm way. There is lot of propagenda against Islam and Muslims by those whio are themselves committng the gravest terrorism and attribut it to Islam to defame it just like pople did with Jesus. Quran is the protector of all previous divne books and it has removed all man made fabrications. So the best place to meet Jesus and Mary is Quran. With Kindest Regards

Answer 8

everybody is right and everybody is wrong at the same time. you have to interpret scripture with scripture. as a parent, we are to discipline our children within reasonable limits. some people just weren't brought up with tender love, but hard discipline which includes screaming, physical punishment, etc. take my husband for example. he was brought up that way. and he sees it as fair. but it's another thing when other people put their hands on your children especially if it includes shoving and verbal abuse.

you are doing the right thing by taking your daughter away from the situation and bringing the aunt's behavior to light.

hopefully she will see that it is unacceptable and change her attitude. as for your daughter, remind her that no one is perfect except for Jesus Christ. Set a great example for her and show her how to act so that when she has children, she'll do the same to them. What a wonderful cycle!

Answer 9

Go with your instincts because this child, your daughter, will not have a second chance if you get it wrong.

Family division is a difficult situation but you will find a way to help your daughter understand without disparaging her aunt in any way. This is the real dilemma, yes?

You must succeed in this challenge, else you trade one dilemma for another.

Best wishes,

pup

Answer 10

well, it seems your aunt has a valid point and you too are expressing a valid point especially when talking about the trips and other events in which you appreciate the efforts being made on behalf of your family and such so my feeling and those of the others here with me, which i will henceforth refer to as my significant other, is that we believe you should from now on and way into the future know what it is you are talking or in this case writing about since we have no freaking idea of what you asking, if indeed you are actually asking anything or simply pontification your nonsense within