I have a 2 yr old that is very sweet but she has issues with children older and younger she intimidates?

Question

and hits,one child she seems more aggresive towards than any others she is youngest of 4 siblings.Any ideas how to make her stop?

Answer 1

Youngest of four, hmm. If she were mine, I'd be making sure I'm spending enough quality time with her. Also, what about the other parent? And when you're spending time, paying attention to her.

When my children were young and they would get aggressive, I would very calmly intervene (not be at all aggressive myself, very important), then say "we don't hit our friends. (meaningful look at eye level, holding their hands in mine)" Then if they were doing it because they wanted something, I would tell them that "we ask" or something like that. I would also focus on the other child's feelings (often the child would be crying after an aggressive incident) and say "how do you think Mary is feeling right now? She looks sad. Do you remember last time you felt sad? What did you want? Did you want hitting? Or a hug?" Then the child would think about that for a bit with you. Use these statements like a real conversation, and don't try to control it. What you're trying to do is evoke feelings of empathy in your child. This builds conscience, and makes them less likely to hit or hurt as a strategy.

Often aggressiveness toward other children is because the child wants attention from their parent. So give them attention for a few minutes, then emphasize the behavior you expect ("use your words when playing with Mary") and send them back. But keep a watchful eye, and when your child is behaving in a kind, loving way, say "I love to see you playing nicely with Mary! It makes me smile." Then smile at them.

I am against physical punishment and using the impact of a parents' anger to discipline, particularly with young children. When you have a child who is hitting other children, it is particularly important to find other ways to discipline them, and make sure they don't see hitting in the home. If you stay calm and controlled when they are young, it will take very little in terms of disapproval to get their attention later. And that's when you'll need it (like when they crash your car, or have an unsupervised party at your house)!

Kidding... neither of my teens are doing those things. Or drugs, or sex (believe it or not).

Good luck with the little one.